


Technically-Terrestrial

by quackers



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alien Character(s), Alien Shane, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cock Warming, Consensual Somnophilia, Developing Relationship, Empath, Fear, Kidnapping, M/M, Pon Farr, Secret Identity, The Opposite Of A Slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-07 13:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 60,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21459136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quackers/pseuds/quackers
Summary: Nearly forty years ago, the disgraced group of an alien race found refuge amongst the population of Earth.And now Shane Madej, who is more-or-less human, kind-of-actually-an-alien, has to convince his terrified best friend Ryan that he's not about to abduct him.Unless he's into that.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 185
Kudos: 814





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, there's more angst than the summary would suggest, but we're dealing with happy endings this time around.

\--------------------------------

“Aliens.”

Having sat next to Ryan at work for _years _meant that Shane barely even noticed the sudden word. Anyone else and he would have flinched, but Ryan could go on hour-long rambles about aliens at the drop of a hat. It didn’t even matter that they were both in his apartment and not sitting at the relative safety of their desks at BuzzFeed. It wasn’t like Ryan was going to find something incriminating in his apartment. So Shane ignored him and continued to read through his email.

Except there was suddenly a finger tapping his wrist and Ryan’s tablet held up in his line of sight. “I think we need to do an alien episode this season,” Ryan said, his expression focused and slightly excited.

Shane kind of hated that he had always found the obsessive look a little cute. “So I gathered,” he drawled, glancing down at the tablet and the article of UFO sightings that Ryan had brought up. “You’ve only been muttering about it for the past half hour.”

“We need a good one,” Ryan said, ignoring his teasing.

“Yeah, how are we going to top getting the ‘Aliens’ guy?”

Ryan frowned, cutting a glance at him. “Don’t make fun of Giorgio, I liked him.”

Shane held up his hand. “Hey, I think he was great. A lot more credible than half the people you drag onto the show.” At Ryan’s change of expression and the offended bite of pepper suddenly coating Shane’s tongue, he added, “And changing the subject. What do you have in mind? Crop circles?”

The pepper flavor lingered, but Ryan generally tried not to fall into arguments while he was working on something and not on camera. He shook his head at Shane, letting him know that he wasn’t forgiven, and then reached over to tap on different tabs. “The research team gave me basic info about Rendlesham Forest, the Hudson Valley sightings, and Travis Walton’s abduction.”

“You say this like you expect me to know what those are.”

Ryan sighed and elaborated, though he couldn’t hide his growing excitement in getting to share something he was so interested in. "UFO sighting in the UK, one in-"

"Hudson Valley?"

Lips twitching in a grin he failed to hide, Ryan said over him, "-Hudson Valley, and a famous abduction in 1975."

"And I'm going to guess not a single one has actual evidence."

Judging by Ryan's expression, Shane suspected he had made a mistake.

To be fair, it was a mistake he had made intentionally. Listening to a riled up Ryan was both entertaining and familiar, like watching an episode of a favorite show for the fifth time.

Sure enough, Ryan was _still_ talking about aliens five hours later, though he had switched from possible episode topics to the existence of extraterrestrials in general, so that nothing would be spoiled for Shane when they finally filmed it.

Shane took a sip from his beer, only half listening as Ryan said something to his amused audience about crop circles and… flaps? Everyone was on their way to drunk and happily indulging Ryan, since he had been the one to invite half their mutual friends to a nearby bar.

The atmosphere was warm and melted along his senses, reminding Shane of hot cocoa with marshmallows and a splash of bourbon, the flavor affecting him more than the alcohol in his beer did. He enjoyed being surrounded by people who were enjoying themselves and the human half of his DNA kept him from being overwhelmed by the ocean of emotions. Unlike his poor parents, who couldn’t be at parties of more than five or six people without getting absolutely wasted on the flavors of a good time.

“What about you?”

Katie's voice pulled him from the mellow mood he had fallen into and he glanced towards her. “What about me?”

She inclined her head towards Ryan, who was trying to explain something to Steven. “Do you believe in aliens?”

The question never failed to amuse him and he didn’t bother to hide his laugh. Everyone would assume it came from his general skepticism anyways. “Of course I do,” he said, tipping his bottle towards her. “I’ve answered this before, you should know that. It’s downright arrogant to think that Earth is the only-”

“Microorganisms," Ryan chimed in with a snort as he slid into the empty seat next to Shane, completely abandoning Steven. Though all Shane could pick up from that direction was the sweet and salty film of amusement. “He believes in _microorganisms_.” The man said it like it was an insult.

Ryan’s arm pressed warm into Shane’s and he allowed himself to enjoy the tantalizing flavor of emotions that was uniquely Ryan even as he rolled his eyes for Katie's benefit. “Add a lick of real science to something and he wants nothing to do with it,” he told her.

She laughed at them, her gaze dancing between the two of them before she fondly said, “You two are ridiculous.”

Shane lost the thread of the conversation for a few minutes, his brain cloudy with the gentle tug of alcohol and the intoxication of those around him. He was too busy contemplating the way Katie had said ‘you two’ and the pleasant daydream of being able to slip one of his fingers in between Ryan’s in a loose hold. Nothing huge. Nothing obvious. Just simple contact.

Ryan’s left hand was right there, occasionally raised in a gesture but more often than not laying on the table, inches away from his own hand.

Shane mentally rolled his eyes at himself and deliberately took another swig of beer, distracting himself from the crush that he felt too old to indulge in.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out, using the excuse to lean closer to Ryan and bask in the warm emotions emanating from the man. He glanced at his phone screen, then dismissed the reminder that had popped up before Ryan could see it and ask him what he had to take medication for.

There was a chorus of snickering laughter around him and he realized he had missed some joke, but figured it didn’t matter. So he wasn’t prepared for the way Ryan leaned into him to say, with the kind of tone that was probably supposed to be sly, “You know… Aliens? Probing? They like butt stuff.”

It was such a well-worn joke that it didn’t garner much of a reaction from him anymore. Most of his mind was on the level of liquid in his bottle when Shane absently muttered amongst the continued laughter of their friends, “I mean, I don’t hate it.”

The meaning of his words dawned on him a moment later.

Shane’s entire body froze, his heart pounding so hard in his side that he could feel it slamming against his ribs. It took a great effort of will not to bolt or stutter out some frantic words that would just draw attention to what he had said.

“Maybe it’s not terrible,” Ryan continued in a low aside, completely oblivious to Shane’s inner turmoil. He angled an intoxicated, mischievous grin towards Shane, the exact same expression he used when he was trying to dare someone into something. The fizzing rush of bravery coated Shane’s throat. “I’d try it once. I’d try _anything_ once.”

Was Ryan _flirting_ with him?

The wild thought would have floored him if he hadn’t already felt like he was about to drown in Earth’s oxygen-rich atmosphere.

Between the gut-churning fear of his accidental admission and the mind-boggling timing of Ryan’s drunken words, Shane felt mired, frozen in shock. His words were quiet, easily confused for dismissive, when he eventually managed to say, “Who wouldn’t?” He dredged up a distant smile that felt wrong and added, “Variety is the spice of life, baby.”

Ryan’s face fell, his faint but real disappointment like bitter salt on Shane’s tongue that soon shifted and swirled back into the previous amalgamation of drunken burn and excited sweetness as Ryan was pulled back into the conversation.

Shane wanted to say something. A part of him urged him to apologize, to respond flirtatiously, to re-open the beginning dialogue of something they had been dancing around for years now. But he couldn’t force the words past the wall of fear or past lips that felt frozen. The pleasant haze of enjoyment he had been in was completely gone and not for the first time, he wished that alcohol affected him as much as it did humans.

Too much of his identity, his very existence, was tied up in remaining undiscovered. A literal decade had passed since he had last slipped up. Why now? What about the night had made him relax his guard to the point that he could so easily say something out loud?

It was lucky that it had been a rather innocent phrase. Easily misinterpreted. And Ryan hadn’t reacted to it, anyways. Maybe he hadn’t heard it.

Shane turned his attention back towards the rest of the group, pretending great interest in the new topic their boss had brought up of potentially taking over the karaoke machine in the corner. Eventually the pounding in his side returned to something healthier and he no longer felt like his heart was going to explode.

Ryan was animatedly discussing something sports-related to Steven, leaning across the table in his enthusiasm. Shane realized that it would have been easier for Ryan to have stayed where he had been sitting in the first place, but for some reason Ryan had chosen to sit next to him.

He had the feeling he knew what that reason was, and guilt hit him all over again.

Damn it, why did he have to slip up then of all times? He could have said something witty or flirtatious or straight up said ‘Yes, let’s try something new together,’ instead of practically shouting that he was an alien.

Okay, that was a little dramatic, even for him. A single statement no one had heard wasn't exactly shouting. It merely felt like it.

The back of Ryan’s hand knocked into his arm as the man gestured, grazing down his skin. The touch seemed to burn, though Shane knew for a fact that it was all in his head. It wasn’t like Ryan never touched him, but with his defenses worn down from the emotional intoxication and the sudden adrenaline from before, the accidental brush of knuckle to wrist seemed so much more important than it actually was.

Fuck’s sake, he really needed to get ahold of himself. It was just a little crush.

_It’s not like I faint every time we touch_, his mind continued the unintentional song lyric and Shane laughed at himself, trying to relax, trying to focus on music as a distraction.

It wasn't until Ryan said, "Man, I haven't heard that song in years," that Shane realized he was humming.

"Uh," he said, blinking and then laughing a little uncomfortably as he tried to act like he wasn’t affected by a simple touch. "Just thinking of what I might want to sing."

"Butcher, you mean," Ryan teased, grinning. It was a little mean, but his emotions were mostly the gentle bite of razzing a friend and the sweetness of enjoying himself, and Shane couldn't take offense. Not when he figured he owed Ryan for the way he had unintentionally shut down his flirting.

Besides, he knew he had a fairly good voice. "You're just jealous."

Ryan laughed and shook his head, his eyes bright in the lights of the bar. "I was wondering if you were going to do karaoke tonight. Usually you're all over the thing."

“I might not,” he said truthfully, because he didn’t like lying to his friends when he didn’t have to. Unless it was a bit for the camera, but he didn’t think that really counted. “I’m feeling a 90’s vibe and some of you youngsters might not fully appreciate class.”

“I’m nearly thirty, I’m as much of a geezer as you are,” Ryan said.

He was still smiling, but Shane could taste the hint of a negative emotion under all the burn of alcohol and that was what made him reach over and place his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “You are baby,” he said solemnly.

The way Ryan’s eyes went wide and then narrowed as he burst into uncontrollable laughter, his grin wide and happy, was always going to be one of Shane’s favorite things. “Jesus Christ, no! No, you’re not starting this again, stop trying to be hip! You-” Ryan had to pause to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard. “I don’t even think you’re using that right.”

“We can settle this by going to knowyourmeme-”

“Yeah, because that really shows how up to date you are," Ryan interrupted, standing up and tugging at the edge of Shane's sleeve. “Come on, big guy, you’re going to go sing your stupid song and you’ll feel better.”

Shane stared at him in surprise, following along in something of a daze. He hadn’t thought he was being that obvious. But then, if anyone knew him nearly as well as his family did, it would be Ryan. And Ryan didn’t have the benefit of being able to taste his emotions.

Ryan dropped his wrist to pull out his phone, muttering to himself as he started to look something up. Shane ignored his juvenile disappointment in losing that touch by looking over Ryan’s shoulder. “I could have just told you it was Crush by Jennifer Paige,” he said, not hiding his quiet laughter as he spotted Ryan trying to type out half-remembered lyrics.

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan responded predictably. “Why would I assume you’d know it?”

Because he had useless American trivia drilled into his head since before he had started living on the planet. Not that he was going to tell anyone that. So he shrugged and claimed the machine, amused despite himself at the situation he had found himself in.

_It’s just a crush, indeed_.

Actually singing the song went fine. He had fun hamming it up and crooning the longer notes like he was drunker than he actually was. It was more tempting than he really wanted to admit to sing some of the more poignant lyrics directly at Ryan, but he reined himself in and settled for doing an awkward little shimmy at the end that drew a laugh from his friends.

But when he passed the microphone to a giggling Devon, he was surprised to see that Ryan’s smile looked wooden. When he was close enough, he could taste a sour note that marred the previous drunken burn and sweet enjoyment.

“Ryan-” he tried to say, driven to ask what was wrong, but he was interrupted by everyone surrounding Ryan and pushing him towards the karaoke machine.

“We’ve got the perfect song for you!” someone shouted and the sourness disappeared. Ryan allowed himself to be jostled along, only looking back once. Shane relaxed, leaning against a wall as he watched their friends tease Ryan about something. He tried to tell himself that it hadn’t been the flavor of rejection twisting Ryan’s emotions, but he had the sinking suspicion that he had played the last hour a little too casually.

He was really going to have to corner Ryan when he was sober and just ask the man out. A nerve-wracking thought, but if Ryan could only make a move while drunk, Shane was just going to have to step up to bat.

It was clear that Ryan was being made to sing something stupid and Shane pushed his forming plans away, grinning as he thought about some of the more embarrassing numbers out there. He brought out his phone in order to record what was certainly going to be great blackmail material, only to slowly drop his hand back down to his side when the first notes started.

_Goddamnit_.

He knew that song. He even had to admit that it was catchy. And by all rights, watching Ryan try to match Katy Perry’s high notes should have been a comedy gold mine.

But why the hell did it have to be E.T?

Any other day and he would have been laughing along with everyone else, since it _was_ a fitting song for an evening that had mostly consisted of Ryan talking about aliens. But this time, he couldn’t do it. Not now. Not so close after disappointing Ryan or the, admittedly much worse for his survival, inadvertent admission.

Shane crossed his arms and stared down at the floor, wondering if he could get away with hiding in the bathroom for the duration of the song. He knew that it would hurt Ryan’s feelings if he noticed, since Ryan got giddy and excited from being the center of attention when it was positive, but hearing ‘you’re from a whole nother world’ and ‘kiss me’ together in Ryan’s voice was too much.

He never thought he would curse Katy Perry, but there he was, being mad at someone for singing a catchy tune. It was ridiculous and he’d probably mock himself later.

Risking a quick glance up, he accidentally caught Ryan’s eye, right as the man sang, ‘boy, you’re an alien,’ and Shane started laughing. He couldn’t help it. The timing was just too perfect. He curled over and buried his face in his hands, trying to muffle the guffaws that were rattling his whole body. Every time he tried to calm down, he’d think of Ryan staring directly at him as he said ‘alien’ and he’d start laughing all over again.

_Ryan would love the irony of this if he knew_.

The thought, whimsical as it was, sobered him. Because Ryan would only find it funny if he both knew the truth and was okay with it. And Shane was far too conscious of the fact that he represented some of Ryan's biggest fears.

He was dimly aware of the song ending, and by the time familiar emotions entered his space and a hand touched his elbow, he was able to straighten up, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Was it really that bad?” Ryan asked, more confused than hurt or angry. Which was a good thing, because there was no way that Shane had the mental capacity to try and comfort Ryan right then if he had been truly upset.

“No, no, you did great,” he assured Ryan. "It’s a shame this version didn’t have Kanye’s bit, I wanted to laugh at you trying to imitate him.” There was half a breath, a pause that he could have let linger long enough for Ryan to respond, but his stomach twisted in nerves and bubbling courage and he suddenly blurted, “I just really fucking hate that song.”

Ryan drew his head back in surprise. “What? Are you drunk? I’ve never heard you actually _hate_ a song.”

“Oh, it’s a bop,” Shane said, rambling in the release of tension that had been brought on by the bout of laughter. “But hearing you sing about wanting to get abducted was…” He couldn’t think of a word to end the sentence, but luckily Ryan was already scowling.

“Fuck you, you know how much that shit scares me.”

“Everything scares you.” It was a tired response, but better than ‘If only you knew how easy it would be.’

“Yeah,” Ryan admitted easily. “But aliens are the worst.”

And there it was.

All of the lingering delirious good humor and half-formed plans drained away and Shane straightened up, running his fingers through his hair and making a show of checking his watch. “Well I’d better be hittin’ the ol’ dusty trail.”

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, staring at him in surprise. “But it’s only ten?”

Shane shrugged and didn't bother to give a response to that. Ryan could think whatever he wanted. "I'll see you on Monday."

Before he had gone more than a few steps, Ryan was saying, "Wait, let me just-"

Bemused, Shane paused next to the bar's entrance, watching as Ryan grabbed his jacket and said goodbye to the others. A weird mix of hope and dread froze him to the spot as he realized that Ryan meant to leave with him. The fact that Ryan was stubborn enough to want to continue to be around him was touching, but he really didn’t think he could handle his usual lies tonight. Something that should have been second nature, to the point that he sometimes forgot they were lies, suddenly looked like an impossible task.

That previous fizz of bravery coated Shane’s tongue when Ryan hurried towards him, his expression determined but his shoulders hunched. “I’ll come with you,” he said, his mouth set at an uncertain angle. “If, uh, that’s okay. We could hang.”

Shane took a moment to study Ryan, to decide if he was going to spend the night being miserable for the sake of his closest friend. He knew by human standards that Ryan was attractive, and that his eyes were beautiful by anyone’s standards, but he had always been drawn to the man’s emotions. They were so vibrant, standing out like a beacon in a sea of drab, mundane flavors. He felt like a glutton, but he could rarely say no to the tang of hope that lingered, smokey and effervescent, whenever Ryan asked something of him.

“Alright,” he said, dredging up a smile. “Can’t say I’ll be good company, but we can hang, broski.”

Ryan relaxed, his expression growing exasperated. “Cool thing, broseph.”

“Please, only my parents call me Broseph.”

The ensuing silly jokes and completely ridiculous banter saw them through the car ride that Ryan insisted on paying for, but Shane’s performance was forced at best, and he knew by the looks he was receiving that Ryan had caught on. The knowledge that this wasn’t like most nights where Ryan ended up at his place made it hard for Shane to relax. It wasn’t exactly rare for Ryan to invite himself over, but it was usually when they were both having too much fun elsewhere to let the festivities end, or it was something work-related and Ryan needed a change in location to get anything done. This was the first time Ryan was going out of his way to be near him when he was blatantly in a poor mood and that was a shift in their relationship. It felt more important than even a failed flirtation attempt.

“So what’s up?” Ryan asked when Shane had closed the door of his apartment behind both of them. He was blustering the question, but Shane could taste his apprehension. “Everything good?”

Shane side-eyed him as he threw his keys onto his kitchen table, giving him a sardonic smile. “Yup. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Ryan was clearly uncomfortable, the haze of intoxication around him having mostly given way to jittery nerves. He glanced down, tugging at his jacket sleeves like he needed something to do with his hands. “You were phoning it in for most of the evening. And I’ve seen you when you’re bored, so I know it wasn’t that.”

“I could just be tired,” Shane said, bracing both hands on the table, wondering just how far Ryan was going to take this conversation. His eyes were dry and itchy from having his contacts in for so long and he longed to blink his second eyelids, but his implant always got a little glitchy when he did.

Nodding slowly, Ryan allowed that with a quiet, “Maybe.” Then he straightened his back, flicking his gaze up once towards Shane’s face. “But I wanted to make sure it wasn’t because I-” He trailed off, swallowed, then huffed out a laugh that Shane would have bet was directed towards himself. “I hope I didn’t say anything you didn’t want to hear.”

Well, Shane hadn’t expected that Ryan would ever get so close to admitting that he had flirted with him. He tilted his head, watching Ryan and nearly giving in to the urge to stay silent, just to see how much Ryan would actually say. But that would be unfair when he could literally taste what Ryan was feeling.

He wondered how Ryan would react if he knew that his romantic interest in others tasted a little like jelly beans. Shane had laughed about that for weeks when he had figured it out.

Shane sighed, looking down at the table to gather his own courage. Maybe it would be easier for both of them if he just said it out loud to save them from miscommunication. They were both adults, supposedly. And he could taste the building crescendo of Ryan's frustration with himself. Probably at his struggle to say something out loud. The least Shane could do was to get the ball rolling. “You flirting with me with bad-”

“I’m sorry I said-”

They went quiet when they realized they were talking over one another, both of them laughing softly. They had been friends for so long that neither of them had to say anything for them to know that Ryan was waiting for Shane to say his piece first. “You flirting with me with bad alien probing pick up lines didn’t upset me,” Shane said again, the inherent humor in the situation making him choke back another laugh.

Saying it out loud before Ryan could seem to take the wind out of his sails. He slumped down, picking at the button on the bottom of his jacket sleeve, even as he held his chin stiffly high. There was belligerence in his attempt to appear unaffected. “Okay.” Embarrassment flavored the word. “So… I guess that’s a no.”

Shane sighed. This had been a long night and he still hadn’t gotten a chance to process how close he had been to blowing his cover. He felt bad, because by all rights this moment should have been filled with shy glances, goosebumps, and hopeful confessions. Instead, it was all just a mess. “A no to what, Ryan? You didn’t actually ask me anything.”

Ryan glanced up, his eyebrows furrowed. “What? Yeah, I did, I -” He paused, then slowly rubbed his hand over his face, shaking his head once and sighing a thin laugh. “I didn’t. You’re right.”

“Good Lord, you’re admitting I’m right? Can I get a recording of that?”

Glaring at him, Ryan snapped, “Fuck off, Shane,” and that was probably a fair reaction. Sometimes he forgot that his human friends couldn’t read his emotions.

Before Shane could try to apologize, Ryan took a step backwards toward the door. “I should go home before I say anything else stupid, right?” Anger born from embarrassment and the overwhelming bitterness of disappointment swamped the air around him. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Ryan-”

“Look, I’m glad that you’re not upset by me flirting with you and I guess it’s good that you don’t seem to be uncomfortable or anything, but I can tell when I’m being rejected.” Ryan coughed to clear his throat, his voice thick as he worked to keep his tone even. “Just gotta give me some time, man.”

Shane wasn’t sure if he wanted to go hit his head against the wall a few times in annoyance or go crawl under a rock for making the person he cared about most in the universe think he was being rejected. In favor of setting things straight, he did neither of those things.

He walked around the table, distantly surprised that his fingers were shaking from nerves, considering he’d been daydreaming about this for years, and gently sat his hand on Ryan’s shoulder to keep him in place.

“Shane-” Ryan started.

Shane interrupted him with a kiss that was barely more than a brush of his lips against the corner of Ryan’s mouth, but it worked to make the man go quiet. And there were few American human gestures that were so blatant in their meaning. From so close, Shane could smell the lingering traces of whatever aftershave Ryan had thrown on and he felt another stab of guilt for how he had mishandled everything. He knew Ryan only wore aftershave when he was going on a date. The idea that he had done so before coming over that morning for work, knowing that he would be close to Shane for most of the day, made it hard for Shane to breathe.

“You never asked me anything,” Shane repeated as he pulled back, hushed and dry. He had to swallow to continue. “I can’t say yes if you never ask.”

God, the burst of Ryan’s hope was more intoxicating than actual alcohol.

Ryan stared at him, his mouth slightly open.

“I should tell you something,” Shane made himself say, even more nervous than he had been. What he was about to tell Ryan wasn’t nearly as huge as admitting to being an alien would be, but it still made his palms clammy. It was annoying that sweat was one of the human characteristics he’d ended up with.

“Don’t tell me you’re straight right now, because I’ll probably go insane if you do,” Ryan blurted.

Shane let out a surprised laugh, his hold on Ryan’s shoulder tightening. “Not that you’re sane to begin with, but no.”

“The fans were right and you really are a demon?”

“Ryan,” Shane warned, exasperated. “I don’t do sex.”

Ryan looked like he hadn’t understood the sentence. “You what?”

“Sex. Not really my thing. Maybe once a year.” More precisely one month out of a sixteen month period, because even the human DNA in his body couldn’t change the timing of his species’ procreation cycle, but that wasn’t something that Ryan needed to know.

“Oh.” Ryan broke into a sudden, giddy grin after he processed that. “Well if that’s the only thing you were worried about, you wanna get dinner some time?”

Shane blinked slowly. “You… You don’t care?” He had been with too many humans over the years to think that Ryan was completely fine with it. Ryan especially seemed like the type that would be more about their partner’s pleasure than their own and that could lead to some arguments.

Ryan tilted his head and seemed to think about it before shrugging easily. “Maybe a little,” he said, raising his hand to pinch his fingers together. “Tiny bit. But once a year isn’t never. Is kissing still on the table? Handjobs? Blowjob-”

Laughing, Ryan’s giddiness finally affecting him, Shane interrupted, “Hold your horses, Casanova. You forgot something. ”

“Uh. Sex toys?”

Snickering and feeling lighter than he had in years, Shane kissed Ryan again. It was the cumulation of years of growing closer together and the kiss was weirdly great in a way it shouldn't have been, which characterized so much about the two of them. He particularly enjoyed the sweetness that flooded Ryan’s emotions when he pressed a little harder. Hard-shelled candy and a bite of hot spice. It was amusing that merely mentioning sex had turned Ryan on. That was going to be a problem later, but Shane was too selfish to care. “Yes, I’ll get dinner with you. “

Ryan smiled at him; happy and relieved and perfect. His hand curved around Shane’s side in a snug, secure grip.

Right where Shane’s heart beat.

Where no human’s heart would be.

He wondered if Ryan would ever notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been fun to write and I hope it'll be fun to read!


	2. Chapter 2

Dating Ryan was something of a hoot.

Far more pros than cons and Shane honestly didn’t mind the negatives all that much. He was experiencing Ryan but _more_ and he had already been inured to most of Ryan’s neuroses before the man had ever started looking at him with more than friendship in mind. He had known from early on that Ryan was focused to the point of it being detrimental to his health and Shane didn’t take offense during the times when that focus wasn’t on him. And dating the man meant that when Ryan fell into one of his anxious spirals of self-doubt, Shane had more of an excuse to be there for him. Either to slowly draw him out of it or just be a silent presence of support if that was what was needed.

In fact, knowing that Ryan was in a funk of depression, the emotion thick in Shane’s throat, was why they were curled up together on Shane’s couch. He was going out of his way to pull more and more ridiculous puns out the depths of his mind as they watched a show about mythical monsters, just to get Ryan to laugh. He was starting to run out of material, but Ryan was finally smiling at him with real warmth.

“I’ve read that most of those sea monsters sightings from back in the day might have been whale penises,” he remarked as the episode they were watching transitioned to a backdrop of stereotypical, old maps.

Ryan let out a single breath of laughter, glancing away from the screen. “What the fuck?”

Shane nodded, grinning at him as he drew his thumb down the side of Ryan’s arm in a continuous, absent pattern. “Whales have sex at the surface. Sometimes in threesomes! Which means there’s sometimes a male with his dick out, just floating there.”

“What the hell?” Ryan reiterated, his attention completely on Shane now as he started to smile uncertainly. “You saying Nessie is a whale dick flopping around?”

“Makes more sense than-”

“No, don’t you dare-”

Shane’s grin widened as he stretched his arm out to grab his phone from where he had laid it on the back of the couch, having to shift Ryan’s weight as he did so. He enjoyed the reminder that Ryan could relax so well around him, to the point that his side was starting to get damp from sweat. Unpleasant, but a damn sight better than the first couple of times Ryan had acted like he wasn’t allowed to cuddle. “I’ll believe whale penis before mythical monster of lore!” he exclaimed, awkwardly typing on his phone with one hand. There was no way he was going to completely let go of Ryan when that flavor of self-doubt still lingered.

“Your search history is going to be so fucked,” Ryan said, watching him Google ‘whale penis’.

“Like yours is any better,” Shane muttered, tapping the first image he saw. “Look at this whale of a tale!”

Ryan took one look at the screen and then cringed backwards. “Oh God! Why is it pink?!” He quickly leaned forward again to get a closer look. “Jesus, imagine seeing that out on the ocean.”

“It’d be a whale of a time,” Shane managed to say before he broke into a giggling fit at his own joke, grinning when Ryan groaned.

“I can’t believe your idea of a nice evening is showing me whale dicks.”

“Ever seen duck penises?” Shane asked just to watch Ryan break into another laugh. But he saw an opportunity in the unthinking sentence and decided to take it. He could feel his own smile softening into something that was probably sickeningly adoring, but he’d accepted his infatuation awhile ago. “I’d do a hell of a lot more than that just to make you laugh.”

Ryan turned his head to stare at him, his cheeks going dark, the blush tasting sugary in Shane’s mouth. “God, that was corny.”

“You love it,” Shane said before lowering his voice and gently sweeping his thumb over the patch of skin right next to Ryan’s collar. “What’s wrong, Bergmeister? You’ve been down all day.”

There was a moment of silence as Ryan’s small smile fell into a grimace. “I’ve never been with someone that could read me quite as well as you can,” he finally said. “I’m not sure if I like it or not.”

Shane knew better than to look away, but it was hard not to fidget or do anything else that would relay his sudden guilt. He sometimes thought that if he lost the empathy that his species considered just another sense, he would feel blind. He wasn’t sure how humans were able to communicate as well they did, but he did know he had a bit of an unfair advantage. “I’ve known you for awhile,” he said with a shrug.

“Yeah.” Ryan moved until he could settle his back against Shane’s chest, conspicuously making it hard to see his face. The swell of something negative thickened and swirled through the lingering sweet emotions that Ryan was feeling, distracting from the physical warmth of his back. “It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit,” Shane sang softly, drawing out the vowels. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. I can keep coming up with jokes or be as silent as the dead if you want, but don’t say it’s nothing.” He settled his arm along the outside of Ryan’s. It wasn’t quite an embrace, but it was physical contact that he knew Ryan craved but didn’t always feel brave enough to ask for.

Sure enough, Ryan took ahold of his hand, threading their fingers together. There was a burst of flavor on Shane’s tongue, all of Ryan’s sour, bitter, and acrid emotions gaining potency to a degree that he had to swallow to clear, but Shane dismissed it as Ryan gearing up for a potentially rough conversation.

“I…” Ryan trailed off and Shane settled himself in for a long bout of silence. He was taken by surprise when Ryan quickly blurted, “I’m worried you’re ashamed of me. Being with me. Uh. Together, I mean. Romantically.”

Shane narrowed his eyes, completely confused. “What? What gave you that idea?” Something uncomfortably like guilt settled in his throat, making it hard to swallow. “Did I- Have I done something to make you think that?”

Ryan shook his head, then shrugged, then sighed. He sounded annoyed with himself. “No. Not really. But when we’re in public, you haven’t really treated me any differently. It’s been same old same old, like nothing has changed.”

“I was following your lead,” Shane said, doing his best to not be defensive. “I assumed you wanted to keep things on the down low. Like a secret relationship but more fun because neither of us are actually ashamed. We could have codenames and everything.”

“I thought I did.” Ryan shifted again, something prickling and sharp entering the flavors of his emotions, but it didn’t feel directed at Shane. “I don’t want anyone at work to know just yet and I, uh. I’m working up to telling my family.” A quick flood of guilt swamped the air around him and Shane had to work not to gag.

“We can go slow-”

“I just want someone to _know_,” Ryan interrupted him, his voice rising. “But I don’t have the fucking balls to say anything and I know you’re just doing what you think I’d want, but I wasn’t expecting to be so upset that you won’t even flirt with me in front of people”

Shane squeezed Ryan’s fingers once, then let go to reach for his phone again. “Well some of that’s easily fixed,” he said. The sudden surge of his own acrid fear and fizz of bravery overwhelmed Ryan’s emotions.

“What are you doing?”

The phone rang on the other end and for once he almost wished his mother wouldn’t pick up.He was going to get so much shit for this.

“Wait, Shane, you don’t have to-”

“Hey mom,” Shane said brightly, quick to interrupt both of them. “I just wanted to let you know I’m dating Ryan now.”

There was a yawning chasm of silence from both Ryan and his mother, then both started talking at once.

“Shane,” Ryan hissed. “What the hell?”

“Ryan? The guy you work with?” His mom made a noise that burbled and hissed and Shane couldn't hold back his flinch.

“Can’t really talk right now,” he said quickly to keep her from saying anything else. He didn’t think Ryan could really hear her through the phone, but their language was nothing like any on Earth. A noise of surprise could be dismissed, but if she forgot herself and started asking him questions in her first tongue, it would become a risk Shane wasn’t willing to take. “I’ll call you later, I love you, bye.”

He fumbled with his phone to end the call, then practically flung it to the end of the couch. His heart was beating hard from the adrenaline and he bent forward enough to bury his sudden, crazed laugh into the crook of Ryan’s shoulder. “Oh my God, I’m in for the ringer later.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Ryan said quietly, but he couldn’t hide his emotions from Shane. There was no disguising the joy and what Shane was beginning to suspect was the flavor of Ryan’s love, sweet on his tongue. “She won’t be mad?”

Shane pressed a small kiss against the side of Ryan’s head. “Only that I told her like that.” A lie, but a small one. Most of her anger would be over him choosing to be with a human that wasn’t in the know. Considering there were only a few of those, it wasn’t like he had many options she would have been happy with.

“Was kind of a dick move, Madej, dropping a bomb like that and then hanging up.” Ryan twisted to grin at him, content and happy. “Your own mother!”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll hear all about it.”

———————-------

“Hey, mom.”

“Shane.”

Shane winced. “So, uh…”

“Are you alone?”

Shane glanced around his apartment even though he didn’t need to. He knew no one was there with him. Well, Obi was there, but he trusted his cat to keep his secrets. “Yeah.”

“Answer your communicator.”

His mother hung up and Shane sighed, rubbing at the growing ache in his temples. Weathering her inevitable anger and concern was worth it if it meant that Ryan felt more secure, but damn, it’d been awhile since he had been yelled at by his parents.

Knowing it was better to get it over with, he took one last look around his apartment, a knee jerk instinct to double check that he was alone, then tapped his beeping watch.

A faint chime, then a 3D image sprung up in front of him, the holographic picture of his mother with her arms crossed, glaring directly at him.

“You look good,” he said with the best boyishly charming smile he could muster. “Did you do something different with your hair?”

Her glare intensified and Shane slowly closed his eyes in a prolonged wince. Wow, he’d been spending way too much time with humans if that had become his default compliment. His mother’s hair was about as real their forged identities.

“Ryan, Shane? Really? This human out of all of them?”

Shane could feel the scowl pulling at his mouth and he was thankful that his parents had never entirely learned how to judge emotion based purely off appearance. His mother wouldn’t be able to taste the sudden defensiveness he was feeling through the hologram, or how much he wanted to roll his eyes. “He’s a good guy,” he said as smoothly as he could.

Surprisingly, she was the one to roll her eyes first. Her next words burbled and slithered, making noises in a language that few humans would have the skill to replicate even if they knew about it. “I watch your show, Shane. I read your texts. I know he’s a good guy. He’s also a conspiracy theorist who believes in aliens.”

“I don’t think he’s actually a conspiracy theorist,” Shane said in the same language, rubbing at the back of his neck. Sure, Ryan believed in some pretty nutty things, but Shane was well aware that half of Ryan’s more laughable arguments were made just to provoke him.

“He believes in aliens,” his mother repeated, saying the last with clear emphasis.

“At least he’s not arrogant enough to think humanity is alone?” Shane tried, his voice going up and wow, he really _had_ been hanging out with too many humans. A rising tone to indicate a question sounded weird in his first language.

His mother stared at him for a long moment, her expression softening into something that was, for her, blatantly worried. “I think you should take a couple weeks off and go home.”

“I’ll be home for Thanksgiving.”

She shook her head. “Not Schaumburg. Home.”

Shane looked away, caught wrong-footed by the correction. How long had it been? Years at that point. At least five. Five long years of living on Earth.

Only they hadn’t been long. They had passed quickly and Shane cleared his throat against the taste of his own guilt. There were things he missed about the planet he had grown up on, but Earth had become his home sometime in high school, when he had realized that all of his happiest memories were already in a place he had only lived in for a couple of years.

There had been a rare option offered to him a few months ago. A chance to permanently move back to his people’s home planet. To no longer be considered the member of a disgraced, refugee contingent.

But Earth had popcorn and hot dogs and getting so drunk he couldn’t function the next morning.

Earth had shitty horror movies and changing seasons and snow.

Earth had his _cat_.

And Earth had his friends, his family, and Ryan.

“I’m good,” he finally answered. “You see one red landscape, you’ve seen them all, am I right? I’ll just take a vacation in Utah if I want to see that again.”

He could read the hurt in his mother’s eyes at his disparaging remark towards her home, but he held firm.

“I just think you should be reminded of where you came from, Shane.”

“You put human DNA in me and named me _Shane_, Cher-ikk,” Shane said pointedly. “You obviously didn’t expect me to go back there. I don’t see why you think I should now.”

“Be polite to your mother,” his father called from somewhere outside of the hologram’s image and Shane pressed his lips together to keep from saying anything else, raising his flat palm in apology and resisting the urge to squirm. Over a decade of being an adult by human standards and his parents still made him feel like a child.

Shane’s mother sighed, her own palm raised. “I don’t want to see you get hurt. Dating a human won’t be easy.”

“Your niece is doing it,” Shane said, trying not to convey how much he felt like he was pointing out the obvious hypocrisy.

“She’s dating a man who has known about us since birth. Not a man who put a video up on the internet about underwater Area 51.”

Shane snorted out a surprised laugh despite himself. “Okay, I _really_ don’t think he was serious about that one.” His smile widened. “Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

There was a long pause, and then his mother muttered, “At least he’s attractive.”

Wheezing at his mother’s joke, he nearly missed her quiet, solemn question.

“What will you do if he finds out?”

\---------------------------------------------

By all rights, they should have taken separate ride shares to the airport. But Ryan had thought it would be nice to spend an hour alone before they met up with their crew in the airport and Shane hadn’t been willing to deny him. Which meant they were stuck in traffic because one could never entirely predict when the roads in LA were going to be absolute hell or just merely terrible.

In an Uber, he could have listened to something on his phone to pass the time, but since Ryan had gone out of his way to give them some privacy before traveling, Shane felt obligated to pay _some_ attention to him.

Especially when Ryan kept throwing looks at him and taking a breath like he was about to say something, then closing his mouth and glaring out the window. His emotions tasted _nervous_ but with that film of stubbornness that Shane had always equated to onions.

It was a good thing he liked onions, because Ryan was a stubborn son of a gun.

Shane was tempted to say something himself, but in the end, it was up to Ryan to decide if he wanted to say his piece right before a work trip. He kept quiet, typing out a last minute message to Sara about how she didn’t get to keep his cat forever.

He was grinning at her reply of ‘cat timeshare’ when Ryan finally said, “So…”

Shane hummed a response and put his phone down but didn’t look directly at Ryan, knowing from years of experience that some humans didn’t do well with eye contact when trying to broach a difficult subject.

Well. That and Ryan was _driving_ and watching the road was rather important.

“The lease on our place is coming up in a couple months,” Ryan said with an impressive stab at sounding calm. The rapidly tapping fingers on the steering wheel didn’t really fit, though.

Taking his time to form a reply, his heart beating a little harder in his side, Shane slowly said, “Thinking of moving?”

Ryan _did_ cut a glance at him then, blowing out a breath of exasperation. “C’mon, man, you know what I- Meet me halfway, here.”

Shane couldn’t help his quiet laugh, but he held up his palm flat in apology. “Hey, I don’t want to assume. But it just so happens that I have both an office that could be a bedroom if you wanted to get creative with definitions and a king size bed that can easily fit two, if you were in the market for only one roommate and a change of scenery.”

“Really?” That smokey hope that rested so light on Shane’s tongue nearly made him miss Ryan’s quick, shy smile. “Like, I just wanted to bring it up, you know? This isn’t- We're not even public about this yet and I don’t want to pressure you-”

Torn between wanting to make a joke or tell Ryan that he wanted nothing more than to live together, Shane chose, with some difficulty, to go the route that involved actual communication. He lightly rested his hand on the top of Ryan’s thigh, a gentle caress in lieu of holding hands, and said with as much sincerity as he could muster. “I’d be honored to live with you, little guy.” This time he was the one to look out the window to avoid meeting eyes, overcome with his own shyness that always felt and tasted fuzzy, which he had never been able to accurately describe.

Ryan covered the back of Shane’s hand a brief second, a quick brush of his warm, smooth palm. The flavor of jellybeans became so intense that Shane’s own shyness was completely overwhelmed.

Weird. He hadn’t thought that Ryan liked him _that_ much.

“You sure? This isn’t too fast?”

Shane quirked an eyebrow. “Am I sure that I want someone to split the rent with me?”

“Dick,” Ryan said fondly and Shane grinned outside the window, ruthlessly ignoring his own second-guessing.

There weren’t all that many suspicious things in his apartment and they’d be easy to hide or send back to his parents. And he hadn’t turned his implant off in months. Living with Ryan was going to be no different than living in a dorm room with a stranger had been.

Better, presumably. He hadn’t been dating any of his roommates in college.

Rather than try to hash out the details, they fell into a comfortable silence that was interrupted only by Ryan’s occasional muttered swears as he drove and his soft singing along to whatever song was on his playlist.

Shane smiled to himself when Ryan mumbled the lyrics he didn’t know, then sang with a bit more volume, “I’m gonna keep on loving you.”

“What song is this?” he asked absently, most of his attention on the cars in front of him and the stop-and-go traffic that was making him grit his teeth and he wasn’t even the one at the wheel.

“Uh, REO Speedwagon?” Ryan said with such clear surprise that it was all Shane could taste. “Seriously? You don’t know this song?”

It took an effort of will not to bluster some kind of quick explanation. He shrugged casually, knowing from prior experience that it was better to act like he didn’t care than make a big deal out of his lack of knowledge.

Sometimes someone said something or referenced an event that Shane just _didn't know_. It was usually easier with Ryan, at least. Nine times out of ten, it was something that only a southern Californian born and raised child of the nineties would know and Shane was safe in his cheerful ignorance.

That tenth time, though. That was what he had to watch out for. Not knowing San Diego skater slang was expected. Not knowing what 8-tracks were or who Tawny Kitaen was when he was old enough to remember them was a blip in the radar. He knew, his entire family knew, that those little blips would add up. If anyone cared to pay attention, it wouldn’t be hard to realize that a small percentage of the population didn’t really understand anything pre-80’s. Reading history books could only do so much.

It wasn’t like Shane thought he had to be a trivia master, either. Hell, Ryan ‘film nerd’ Bergara hadn’t even seen Pulp Fiction and that was a classic. No one expected a person to know _everything_, but the gaps in knowledge had to be normal. It was a delicate balance that was far more stressful than it had any right to be.

When Shane had been growing up, he had desperately wished that they had chosen to move into their house as immigrants from another country. That he hadn’t been painstakingly taught a white, middle class Midwestern accent. That he hadn’t watched every award-winning movie from the forties onward at the age of 15 and that he hadn’t drilled himself mercilessly on the history of the planet. That they hadn’t tried so hard to blend in. Being foreign would have been a wonderful excuse to use in high school, when classmates were side-eying him for not knowing who Janet Jackson was.

As he had gotten older, he had learned that being foreign would have brought with it a level of government scrutiny that they couldn’t afford. He had to appreciate his parents’ foresight.

Still, it would have been incredibly satisfying to be able to curse in his first language when forced to drive in LA. Fucking Southland traffic.

Fucking LAX and _checked luggage_.

Shane leaned back in the airplane’s seat, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable cramped soreness that was going to settle in around the hour mark. Ryan shifted in the seat next to him, projecting his jittery, tired annoyance so hard that Shane wouldn’t have been surprised if the humans around them could also taste it. “Told you to stay away from the 405 in the morning,” he said in a goading tone, just to tweak the LA-born man’s ire a little more. Ryan always got bent out of shape when someone from out of the area managed to prove him wrong about something Californian.

And a riled up Ryan was one that wasn’t anxious.

“I hate checking bags,” Ryan whined, his hastily bought coffee clutched in one hand, his eyes dark and bleary behind his glasses. Whatever mellow mood he had been in when first picking up Shane had completely disappeared in the face of navigating airplane travel before noon.

“We weren’t late, stop complaining.”

“Only because we hurried and we got lucky.” Ryan started fidgeting in a way that was going to end up annoying the poor man stuck in the window seat next to them.

The person in front of Shane leaned their seat back the bare inch it would go and Shane didn’t bother to hide his sigh. That single inch meant a lot when it was the difference between him having the barest amount of leg room or his knees pressing into the back of the person’s chair. “You’re the one who okayed the itenary,” he reminded Ryan, sticking his leg out in the aisle so he could get to the airpods in his pocket. There was no way he was getting through a three hour flight with over one hundred people, some of whom were nervous and making the recycled air taste like a continual stream of apprehension, without something to distract him. Podcasts had become a Godsend for him while traveling.

He was never sure if it was the physical discomfort of being too tall for airplanes or the empathic discomfort of heightened emotions piled on top of each other that was worse. One left him feeling sore and decrepit like an old man, the other left him nauseous.

Two hours into the flight and they hit turbulence. Shane rather enjoyed the sudden jumps in pressure and the occasional sensation of freefalling. But it was always accompanied by the spiking fear of those passengers that were convinced a little turbulence meant they were crashing, and while Shane liked a good pickle now and then, vinegar and acid was a terrible emotional flavor.

And with the seat belt signs on, he couldn’t stand up to walk around and stretch his legs.

One more hour.

Shane closed his eyes and tilted his head back, resolutely deciding to not check the time again. Counting down the seconds until they landed wasn’t going to make it go faster or make him any less sore.

He loved Earth, he really did. But damn, he wished humans would finally develop a cheap, faster way of travel.

Ryan had quickly found a movie on the video screen in front of him and had become absorbed in it once the plane had taken off. So it came as a complete surprise when Shane felt a light tap on his arm. He opened his eyes to see that Ryan was frowning at him, hand poised midair above Shane's arm, like he wanted to keep touching.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked, just loud enough to be heard over the plane's engines.

"As okay as I ever am when shoved like a sardine into a can.” Shane shrugged and settled his face into a mask of indifference. The dull ache centered in his hips and thighs was one he was unfortunately used to.

Ryan caught his bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes darting around them to the people nearby, then he squared his shoulders and seemed to come to a decision. "Fuck it," he mouthed. With a determined motion, Ryan flipped the armrest between them all the way up, and actually grasped Shane's knee to pull it closer to him.

"What are you-"

"Just- Fuckin' spread out your legs a little," Ryan said before Shane could finish his confused question. "It's hurting _me_ watching you sit cramped up like that. You could stand to lose about a foot of leg."

“It’s not my fault my species is taller than yours and you don’t build to accommodate us.” Ryan smiled at that and Shane let himself enjoy the crackling zing of his own daring at having said something so blatant out loud. And the warmth of Ryan’s hand through the fabric of his pants. But he was more confused than anything else. “So why are you manhandling me in public?”

Ryan ducked his head, his shy embarrassment tasting sweeter than it ever had before. He quickly looked around again, then leaned in so that he could speak with something resembling privacy. “You’re my- We’re dating. I should-” Ryan faltered for a moment before his voice came back stronger and more determined. “I should be able to help you be more comfortable in public, right?”

Shane opened his mouth, about to tell Ryan that while he appreciated the gesture, shoving one leg into Ryan’s space to at least stretch his foot out was no substitute for being able to actually stand up.

Then his brain caught up to the realization that this wasn’t about his comfort so much as Ryan’s resolution to treat him as more than just a friend in public, and he promptly changed what he was saying to a soft, “Thank you.”

The molded edge of the seat was probably going to cut off circulation in his leg, but as long as he didn’t end up with a blood clot, the pressure of Ryan’s thigh along his made up for it. As did the nervous way that Ryan held his wrist for a full five minutes.

It wasn’t quite holding hands, but it was the most blatant thing that Ryan had ever done in front of people. ‘People’ mostly meant whoever was sitting behind them and the windowseat guy who was asleep, but Shane understood how hard it was for him to do that. Ryan was a demonstrative guy and it must have been killing him not to show his affection for the whole world to see.

Shane couldn’t say that the flight passed quickly after that, but it was far more pleasant. Maybe there was something to be said for positive emotions.

Of course, all the gooey feelings in the world did nothing to make up for the sight of the empty luggage carousel hours later.

“Shit, this sucks, man.”

Shane lifted his shoulders in a philosophical shrug, because that was what was expected of him. “I’ve got a couple shirts and my Go-Pro in here,” he said, lifting his backpack. “If they haven’t found my bag by the time we leave for the next city, I’ll just stop at a Wal-Mart.”

Not that Wal-Mart would have his vitamins.

"But you owe me if I've permanently lost my favorite print shirt. That thing had sentimentality. I dropped mustard on it the day I got hired at BuzzFeed and the stain is still there if you know what to look for."

“Your obsession with mustard has been noted." A beat of silence. "I have no idea how they could have lost your stuff and not mine,” Ryan muttered, his guilt sour even as his mouth twitched in a quick smile at Shane's attempt at humor.

“Better than losing the equipment, though I would have paid to watch Devon terrorize the poor airline rep.”

Ryan snorted, his expression lightening at Shane’s apparent lack of caring. “Well, I guess the mystery of your disappearing luggage will remain-”

Shane turned on his heel and started walking towards the crew, drinking in the taste and sound of Ryan’s wheezing laughter, desperately ignoring the growing apprehension and the reminder on his phone to take his pills.

They were just supplements. He would survive a week without them.

—————————————--

Sharing a hotel bed was an odd experience.

It shouldn’t have been, since they had slept together more than once in Shane’s bed, but seeing two beds in the room was a distinct reminder that everyone assumed they were still only friends. And not even twelve hours ago, they had agreed to live together.

The warmth of Ryan along his side should have been pulling him to sleep, but even the heavy head resting on his arm and the content drowsiness radiating from Ryan's body did little to quiet Shane's racing thoughts.

He drew his fingertips in patterns on the skin under his hand, trying to focus on how happy Ryan had been when he had suggested that they sleep together. Ryan had taken his assertion that he wasn't all that into sex to heart and had been incredibly cautious about initiating any kind of contact, which was both touching and frustrating. Just because he only got horny once a year didn't mean that he wasn't a proper hedonist when it came to physical touch.

The stunned, hungry look Ryan had given him the first time he had offered a good ol' fashioned bj would stay in his memory for quite some time. As would the taste of Ryan's emotions when he was in the middle of orgasm; spicy, rich, and decadent. And nearly as intoxicating as hard liquor.

By all rights, Shane should have dropped off to sleep as soon as they had both settled down. It had been a long day of traveling and scouting out the location. But like this, while the room was quiet around them and Ryan was too close to sleep to distract him, his mind kept turning back to his mother's words.

'What will you do if he finds out?' had echoed in his mind for weeks and with the looming promise of Ryan moving in, the question gained a new life. And he was still no closer to a definite answer.

Panic, he supposed. If Ryan found out who and what he really was, Shane was pretty sure he'd panic. Without the supplements he needed to support his hybrid existence, there was a good chance that he could pass out and then getting taken to a hospital would lead to a world of problems and Ryan _would_ find out- No. That wasn’t a helpful thought to have. Or a very relaxing one.

On the other hand, he had never been good at keeping his impulses at bay when it came to Ryan. He didn’t even bother to pretend to himself that he had held back at all when he suddenly asked, “What would you do if there were aliens?”

Ryan made a questioning noise. His mouth had been slack from the onset of sleep, but he smacked his lips together and turned his head more in Shane’s direction.

"If there were aliens. What would you do?"

Squinting one eye open to give him a bleary look, Ryan asked, "What, like right now? In the room?" His eyelid dropped close and he mumbled, "I'd tell them to fuck off and let me sleep."

Shane couldn't hold back his strangled exhale of laughter, because the irony was just too good, but he managed to keep his humor to something that would be expected when he elaborated. "No, like some aliens swung by the planet to say 'hey, what's up?"

Ryan's mouth twitched in a small smile at the way Shane had described it, though he still tasted more of drowsy contentment than anything else. "'sup dudes?" Ryan laughed softly. "You think Earth is the party planet?

God, no, most species avoided it.

"More weed here than Mars. Cowabunga, dude."

Finally Ryan opened both eyes to really look at Shane. The faint flavor of citrus slid into his emotions. "Why do you ask?"

Shane decided to go with a version of the truth. "Something I keep thinking about."

"Daydreaming about being a big NASA scientist?"

"Something like that."

Ryan squirmed around until he was on his side, his face suddenly much closer to Shane's. "I'd probably panic if aliens showed up, honestly." He didn't seem to notice Shane's surprised stare.

"Glad to know that panic is our go-to," Shane said faintly. It was weirdly heartwarming to know that they were so similar but it hurt to know that his very existence would scare Ryan that badly.

"Maybe I'd go all doomsday prepper."

Shane had to look away, staring at the dark ceiling like it was fascinating. Ryan had offered the joke in his usual way, obviously expecting Shane to take it and turn it into a bit. But all he could do was softly ask, "Why do you assume aliens would bring doom?"

"The entire Doom franchise was pretty clear on it, what with it being in the name."

"Aren't those more about beings from other dimensions?" Shane kept his eyes up and fervently thanked the fact that Ryan wouldn't be able to taste the way his emotions went sour. For _some_ reason, he'd never been a fan of the games that involved shooting red demons. "And aren't you too young to have played the first ones?"

Ryan rolled further into him, his mouth ending up right next to Shane's collarbone. "Not to mention Halo. Half-Life, I think. Starship Troopers.”

“That’s a movie, not-”

“Alien and Aliens, Aliens 3.”

“Glad we’re skipping the others.”

Ryan laughed, his breath washing hot up Shane’s neck. "Predator. Mars Attacks. Independence Day."

"A classic."

There was a pause, a moment where Shane could tell that Ryan was thinking of other movies. But Shane was abruptly filled with the need to present his own case, to defend the concept of his own circumstances, if only in the context of film. "ET wasn't a bad guy," he said, struggling to keep his tone nonchalant. "The titular character of the critically loved and acclaimed Mac and Me was also a well intentioned scamp."

Ryan made a questioning noise.

"An ET rip-off with a young Paul Rudd. The bit he does on Conan."

"Oh, that’s a good bit." Ryan lay silent for so long that Shane wondered if he had fallen asleep, then, "District 9."

Shane disguised his sudden discomfort by wrapping his trapped arm around Ryan's back, scrambling for something to say. District 9 hit a little too close to home for him. A species seeking refuge on Earth wasn't a scenario he wanted to think about. "Men in Black has some cool aliens," he countered.

A pause.

"Sugar. Water." They both quoted at the same time before letting out faint giggles. Ryan pulled his head back just enough to look vaguely in the direction of Shane's face, though Shane kept his attention strictly above them. "Why the sudden defense of aliens? At one in the morning? Feeling some heat towards your little single celled organisms on Mars?"

“I knew you’d read those articles,” Shane said absently, trying to think of how he wanted to phrase his argument without sounding too invested. “Just wondering why humans are so convinced that aliens are bad news.”

After the fact, he realized he probably should have said ‘we’ instead of ‘humans’.

“We’re scared of our own worst tendencies, so we assume aliens would reflect that,” Ryan said with the kind of insight that had a tendency to surprise people that didn’t know him very well. His sleepy contentment slowly morphed into the kind of interest he felt when studying something. That focused studying always tasted vaguely herbal to Shane, like some kind of tea. “And if even one percent of the abduction stories out there are true-”

“Oh my God,” Shane breathed a laugh. “Sleep paralysis is a real, scientific phenomenon, it’s not aliens.”

Most of the time.

Ryan wiggled around until he could brace himself with his elbow, sitting up to look Shane in the face. His eyebrows were drawn together, as if he couldn’t quite understand what Shane was saying. “It can’t always be sleep paralysis. Are you saying that a UFO could beam your big head up right now and you’d be fine with it?”

“I’d be upset that they took me while wearing only boxers,” Shane said truthfully. The only people that would be ‘beaming’ him up would be his parents and that was more of a social nightmare than an actual one.

With a faint scoff that was filled with more fondness than annoyance, Ryan pressed close again, brushing a kiss to the side of Shane’s mouth, then another one just under his ear. It wasn’t Ryan’s favorite spot to kiss, but it was one that was easily reached when they were standing next to each other and had become a common target. Shane dreaded the day that Ryan would notice the small bump of the implant behind his ear.

Hopefully it would be mistaken for a mole.

“Close Encounters is going to happen to you yet,” Ryan said as he laid back down, that brief flare of herbal interest melting back into drowsiness. “You’ll be making mountains out of mashed potatoes and I’ll just laugh at you.”

“You say that like it’d be a bad thing. I’d love to come in contact with a new species. It’d be a historical moment!”

Ryan snorted and muttered, “That is some white people shit right there. No damn sense.”

“You’d still try to save me.” Shane did nothing to hide how smug he was, able to taste the reality of his statement. Sweet and mellow devotion that was slowly becoming love, an emotion that Ryan himself probably didn’t realize he was feeling.

“I’m not saving you when you get kidnapped by Martians,” Ryan promised, his voice soft and careful, nearly a whisper.

Shane fell asleep smiling, recognizing the lie in Ryan’s words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, the hype! Thank you all for the interest!


	3. Chapter 3

“Woah, holy shit, you alright, big guy?”

Shane blinked both eyelids at Ryan, trying to clear his blurry vision. “Yeah,” he said, waving away Ryan’s outstretched hand and forcing himself to pay attention. “Got lightheaded.”

“I’m not surprised, your blood has to travel a long ways, but seriously, do you need to sit down?”

Acutely aware of the equipment strapped to him, the multiple cameras pointed at him, and the handful of their crew staring at him, Shane shook his head. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go scare the pants off of you and finish up the exterior shots so we can get out of here.”

Ryan’s eyebrows were drawn down in a frown of concern, his previous fear over the location replaced by worry for Shane, but he was a hardworking producer first and foremost. Shane knew that if he said he was good to go, Ryan would take him at his word for the sake of filming. Hell, he’d once filmed an entire night while high on cold meds and it had gone fine. Who would have guessed that some human blood thinners and anti-congestants would have made him loopier than a roller coaster? 

He didn’t have the benefit of being high this time, though. The rest of the night went by so slowly that Shane tapped his watch a couple times, just to be sure it was still working. Forcing himself to talk to empty air for five minutes in the most ‘haunted’ spot in the old house they were in was a special brand of agony, because as much as he loved hamming it up for the camera, there was a limit to how well he could shout crazy nonsense while feeling like he was about to faint. 

Weak limbs and a pronounced inability to focus weren't the only problems he was having, either. With every step, his head felt like it was one second behind, time lagging in a way that could have been fun if he wasn't fighting stomach cramps and trying to do his damn job. 

He focused hard on the rough, tactile sensation of the GoPro harness and the smooth plastic of the camera handle as he helped pack up equipment, the last hour of filming having passed in a blur. Maybe if he managed to stay coherent, he wouldn't have to worry about fainting in a room that looked like it would give him tetanus just from stepping into it.

The zipper of the steadicam bag sounded oddly loud in Shane’s ears, and as he stood up, he swayed on his feet, his vision going dark in spots. He had to brace his hand on the wall to stop from going over. 

“Does this place have a fainting couch?” he asked in a break in conversation as everyone went through last-minute checks, making both Ryan and TJ give him a look that was more concerned than amused. Which was disappointing. He had thought it was a funny joke. 

“The fuck, man?”

“A fainting couch,” he repeated to Ryan. He swooped his hand down low in a gesture meant to represent the piece of furniture. “If I’m going to pass out, I’m going to do it in _style_.”

Ryan’s sudden concern filled Shane’s mouth, like a particularly unpleasant energy drink. He made a face, unconsciously rubbing his tongue over his teeth to get rid of the taste. Negative adrenaline was terrible and-

“Oh,” he said from the floor of their hotel room, blinking in surprise when he realized he was being cradled in Ryan’s arms. Not the worst position, but he had no memory of how he had ended up there. “When did I get down here? Did I swoon?”

“Shit, shit shit,” Ryan was muttering under his breath, groping for Shane’s phone that Shane had no memory of putting on the bed. “I knew you were acting weird on the drive back.”

Shane watched with sleepy amusement as Ryan tried to guess his phone’s passcode. His foot was wedged under the bed, like maybe he had somehow tripped over the corner of the mattress, but it didn’t hurt and he didn’t have the energy to straighten his leg. “Did we get dinner? I feel empty. Like a balloon, just full of empty air.”

“You’re full of something- _Damnit_. What is your passcode?” 

"Uh..." Shane stared, his mind blank. "I forgot. Going to spy on me?"

"Christ." Ryan dropped Shane’s phone and let out a strained breath, working to shift Shane off of him. “You’re so fucking heavy, I can’t get to my phone.”

“Denser bones,” Shane informed him, somehow convincing his muscles to work the barest amount to roll and fall off Ryan’s lap. The carpet prickled against his arm and he decided he was going to write a less than stunning review about the hotel’s decorating choices. “Why do you need a phone so badly?”

Hmm. What was that sick taste in his mouth? It was familiar, like Ryan’s worry. But why would Ryan be worried? He was fine.

The absurdity of his own thought dawned on Shane and he snapped open eyes that had closed against his will, hastily grabbing Ryan’s phone before the man could try to text TJ or Devon. Or worse; call an ambulance. Not that he was worried the local hospital would be able to see what he looked like past the implant’s abilities, but they’d try to offer him medicine that would just make him worse. 

Exhausted from the burst of movement, he barely managed to hold onto Ryan’s phone and slur, “I’m fine. Just need…” Fuck. What did he need?

“What the fuck, Shane, I need to-

“Supplements!” Shane whisper-shouted triumphantly. “Pills. Vitamins. Those. They were in my check bags. Just need to...y’know. Take those.” He fumbled blindly for his own phone and used muscle memory to unlock it. “But, those are in fuckin’ Russia for all I know.” Shoving his phone in Ryan’s vague direction, he relaxed back against the carpet. “Call my mom.” Why was breathing getting to be so hard? His lungs were oddly heavy. “She’ll know what to do.”

It would have been a welcomed luxury to go completely unconscious, but Shane fell into a kind of waking coma that would have been a nightmare if he had the wits to care. Snatches of conversation drifted around him, Ryan’s tense, barely-keeping-himself-together voice mixing with the forced calm of his mother’s. 

A pillow was tucked under his head, which he appreciated in a distant way. He felt like he should thank Ryan for the courtesy, but by the time he had gathered the energy to move his mouth, he heard the room door open and close. 

He had no idea how much time had drifted when Ryan came back, footsteps hurried and the sound of plastic bags almost homey. He didn’t get to hear the rustle of plastic all that often, lately. He’d been a reusable grocery bag kind of guy years before California had made it a law. 

Wait, why had Ryan bought stuff?

The answer to his question was Ryan kneeling next to him and lifting his head to his lap, putting something to his lips. 

“Drink this,” Ryan ordered softly. “Because if this doesn’t work, I’m taking you to the hospital, no matter what you or your mom say.”

At the first sharp bite of tomato acid, a lightbulb went off and Shane realized that his mother had literally sent Ryan out to buy V8. Clever, but next time he’d try to advocate for a Bloody Mary. 

After the first swallow, he suddenly realized he was parched, his tongue so dry that he was surprised it still fit in his mouth. He gripped the bottle of juice on his own accord, suddenly gulping it all down so fast that it was hurting his throat. When it was completely empty, he licked his lips and blinked blearily up at Ryan, both eyelids stuttering as he shivered, the lycopene-rich liquid already waking him up. 

Ryan was watching him like a hawk, mouth pressed in a thin line. It was clear he was holding back a whole Bergara-esque boatload of questions. As soon as he realized that Shane was done, he offered another bottle and a couple of pills that Shane would have bet were iron supplements. 

Not exactly what he needed, but it was the closest, easiest human equivalent, and it’d work well in an emergency. 

Which, arguably, this was. Damn. 

“Your mom said she’d send someone to deliver your medication,” Ryan said over the sound of Shane’s loud swallowing. There was a world of confusion and growing, formless suspicion in the statement, but as soon as Shane registered the actual words, his eyes went wide. 

“Shit. Shit, when did she say this?”

Ryan took his time answering and really, Shane couldn’t blame him, since this all looked a little sketchy. How would his mother be able to have medicine delivered to a hotel a thousand miles away? He didn't think there was a rideshare for pharmacy deliveries. But he didn’t have time for coming up with a cover story. Not if someone was on their way. 

“About a half hour ago. Shane, what the fuck is going on? Why didn’t you ever tell me you had a- a vitamin deficiency?”

“A good question, very pointed.” Shane managed to climb to his feet with only a bare wobble, already feeling more clear-headed than he had a few minutes ago. He was going to have to start keeping tomato juice around, apparently. “But I need to go see a man about a horse.”

“If you think you can escape me by taking a piss-”

Shane paused in his hurry out the room. At least he already had his shoes on. “Oh, shit, that _is_ what that idiom usually means. Fuckin’ English, am I right?” 

“What? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’ll be right back,” Shane said, hoping against hope and his own intimate knowledge of how Ryan worked that he could escape the hotel by himself. “Just going to meet, uh, my mom’s delivery person.”

“At one in the morning, Shane?”

Of course Ryan was right on his heels. 

And of course his watch was beeping. 

“I don’t need you to hold my hand, Ry-guy, I can handle this.”

“You literally fainted into my arms!” Ryan spluttered, doing an odd hop-skip to keep up with Shane’s longer stride. Shane would have loved to have said something teasing about that at any other time, but he was seriously contemplating saying something actually mean and intentionally pissing Ryan off just to make him go back to the room. 

The area around their hotel was a copse of trees that could almost be considered a forest and Shane had to appreciate the setting. It was fitting. His life was currently a horror movie, so he was glad that his surroundings reflected that. There was nothing like acres of leafless, skeletal branches under the starlit sky to create the mood. 

He came to a stop at the edge of the parking lot and turned around, grabbing Ryan by the shoulders. “I forgot my wallet,” he lied. “Can you go back and get it? I’ll wait here, okay?”

Ryan deliberately took a step back and crossed his arms, scowling. “Why do you need your wallet if your mom already paid?”

“Tip.” It was annoying that those improv classes hadn’t helped him with bald-faced lying to his closest friends and partners. He could only hope that Ryan would give him the benefit of the doubt.

Something salty entered Ryan’s emotions, but Shane was too stressed to read it. “Fine,” Ryan said, his eyes narrowed in frank disbelief. “Fine. But if you’re not here when I come back, I’m going to find you and kick your ass, fainting spell or not.”

“Ooh, a fainting spell, just like the romance heroine I’ve always meant to be,” Shane said through a strained smile. 

Ryan ignored him and turned towards the hotel. As soon as he was out of eyesight, Shane broke into a jog that rattled his aching bones, moving farther and farther into the forest and chanting every swear he knew under his breath as the beeping from his watch grew faster and faster. 

He broke into a small clearing that would just have to be big enough, dragging in gulps of air and hating how much oxygen Earth had just the tiniest bit. It never felt like he could get enough air when he was feeling weak. 

“I fuckin’ _knew_ you hadn’t forgotten your wallet, you fucking liar.”

Confused anger met his tongue and Shane froze on the spot, his entire body one massive signal of ‘no’. 

No, this couldn’t be happening, not here, not now. He was going to turn around and Ryan was _not_ going to be there and he was not going to have to face the end of everything he knew. 

Familiar fingers gripped his shoulder and then Ryan was in front of him, looking at him with a surprisingly worried expression considering the sheer amount of hot anger Shane could taste. He was lit only by the stars and Shane couldn’t stop the thought that he looked beautiful. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but you’re in no shape to be out here.”

The real care under the words was painful to hear. 

Shane tried to take a step back but his jog into the woods had drained him and he stumbled, barely able to right himself. “You need to leave.” It was hard to sound serious when he was trying not to eat shit, but there were priorities at play and staying upright was not one of them. “Seriously, right now, you need to leave. Please, trust me, just go.”

Ryan caught him but didn’t say anything. He merely stared, his eyebrows drawn together and his eyes dark in the night gloom. Something told Shane to memorize the view, because there was a good chance he’d never see it again if Ryan continued to be stubborn. 

“Ryan, you need to _go back_,” Shane stressed, reaching out to try and bodily turn him around, but Ryan was braced and immovable, glaring at Shane in more confusion than anger now. Shane might have been able to literally pick Ryan up to move him if he had been healthier, but there was no way he could have managed it after having literally fainted. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Ryan cupped his hand above Shane’s elbow in a sure grip that was comforting and grounding, as if he thought Shane was going to fall over right there. 

God, Ryan showing so much care in that moment was the universe playing a cruel trick. 

The beeping from Shane’s watch cut out and he knew they didn’t have any time. He started to reach for Ryan’s head, about to do the one thing he had sworn he would never do, but Ryan’s eyes suddenly went wide behind his glasses, staring at something over Shane’s shoulder. 

“Sh-Shane,” Ryan stuttered, sudden, abrupt, gut-wrenching fear completely coating Shane’s tongue. The grip on Shane’s arm went from comforting to too hard and he was probably going to have a bruise in the shape of Ryan’s hand.“There- There’s-”

Shane closed his eyes and sighed out through his nose, hoping against hope that when he turned around, it would at least be someone friendly. 

But because his life had been one disaster after another in the past few days, when he managed to extract himself from Ryan’s hold and turn around, he was met by the sight of the stereotypical flying saucer that plagued so much of Earth’s UFO media. Its lights lit up the forest with stark clarity, turning everything into a blue-tinged world of light and shadow. 

“Well, fuck. It just had to be _these_ assholes,” Shane said, placing himself in front of Ryan and ignoring the incredulous, high-pitched noise that the man was making. The saucer came to a slowly rotating hover a couple feet above the ground, eerily silent in the darkness of the night forest. The only sound was the faint thump of a ramp hitting the dirt, extending from a dark hole in the bottom half. 

Three small figures started down the ramp and the fear behind Shane spiked, so hard that he had to cough to clear his throat. To be completely fair to the man, he could understand Ryan's reaction, since he found their bulbous heads and gray, naked skin as pleasant as the next human would, but he knew better than to show that kind of distaste. There was no point in being rude to the people that were delivering his meds. 

Shane took a step forward, only to be stopped by Ryan grabbing the back of his shirt and yelping, “No, don’t!” in a strangled voice. 

He wanted to comfort Ryan so badly that his own emotions were going to make him sick, but he needed to get their visitors out of the area first. 

The tiny internal voice of dread and pure despair he pushed away into a corner of his mind. He would deal with the inevitable fallout when Ryan was completely safe. 

Shrugging out of Ryan’s hold, Shane looked over his shoulder and said in the most serious, no-nonsense voice that he could muster, “Stay here. Don’t say anything.”

Ryan made a noise in the back of his throat that was so pitiful it brought a rush of liquid heat to Shane’s eyes. “What are you-”

“Stay here,” Shane snapped, pushing anger into his voice and suddenly spinning to face Ryan, intentionally using his height to loom over him. It wouldn’t have worked in any other circumstance. Ryan didn’t respond well to intimidation when he was in his right mind. Shane hated to take advantage of the situation, to prey on Ryan’s fear-riddled mind like this, but he couldn’t protect him if he started to freak out. “Don’t move if you don’t want them to take you.”

Ryan’s wide, dark eyes and terrified face, lit by the saucer’s harsh blue lights as he looked at him with so much betrayal would haunt Shane for years. The combined taste of Ryan’s mind-numbing fear and stark, incredible confusion would be one he thought he would never be able to get rid of, coating his throat and his mouth, stuck between his teeth and crawling up his sinuses; a permanent, disgusting film. 

Gritting his teeth in a wide smile, Shane spun on his heel and strode forward to meet the three small figures walking towards them in a jarring, jerking amble. They called themselves Octans, but the human name of ‘Grays’ had caught on amongst those living on Earth, a mocking term for a race that everyone was leery of. They seemed to follow treaties and promises or not on a whim, with no real regard for any race that wasn’t their own. Grays weren’t particularly violent, but they weren’t cuddles and goodwill towards all, either. 

The fact that _they_ had been the ones to answer his mother’s generic distress call was disconcerting at best. Sinister at the worst. They had a tendency to show far too much interest in humans that were interested in them. And where Shane’s people saw humans as a kind of distant cousin, Grays merely saw them as intriguing science experiments. Any species that couldn’t travel the universe was barely more than an animal. If Ryan caught their notice-

Shane shoved that thought down. 

“Hey, fellas,” he called, hoping like hell their translator would respond to English. The common trade tongue was something he was rusty in at best. Not to mention that he didn’t want to start speaking in a foreign- _intergalactic_\- language in front of Ryan. “Health to you and yours,” he said, exaggerating his motions to keep their attention on him. 

There was a click and a noise that resembled static, then the leader said with a buzzing, electronic voice, “We bring your health, Shane of Earth.”

Great, a fucking comedian.

Shane grinned, the expression pulling sickly at his lips. “Ha, good one! It’s appreciated,” he added, constantly reminding himself to be polite. “What do I owe you in compensation?” 

A regular pill bottle, plastic and white, was proffered to him. It looked weirdly prosaic in the gray, three-fingered hand of the leader. 

“Cher-ikk-ikk-s of Theemin will owe us.” The leader’s small mouth didn’t move as they spoke and a corner of Shane’s brain that was drowning in giddy disbelief and fear wondered if Ryan would notice. 

God, he really didn’t want to know what kind of promise these dicks had extracted from his mother. And he didn’t particularly like how they had said ‘Theemin’, disdain clear even through the device they used to communicate. Their emotions tasted like metal on his tongue, and while he had never been great at figuring out what a Gray was feeling, he could take a guess this time. 

Keenly aware of the wash of fear that continued to radiate from Ryan behind him, Shane thought _fuck it_, and straightened his shoulders. “She is Cher-ikk-ikk-s of Earth, now,” he said pointedly, the consonants and sibilants rolling from his mouth in a way that no human could replicate, the structure of his species’ tongue just different enough to make the sounds undeniably _alien_. But he wasn’t going to bow to either the Gray’s low opinion or Ryan’s fear. “Thank you for your delivery, but I’m sure you’re busy.”

The leader inclined their head, though Shane couldn’t tell if it was in acknowledgment or contemplation. 

“Who is the human?”

_Damn it_. 

“My romantic partner,” Shane explained, because pretending that Ryan was in the know was the only thing that was going to save him from their curiosity now. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so quick to correct them. “He wanted to make sure I wouldn’t pass out again.”

There was no denying the long look that the leader gave Ryan, nor the fear from the man that was becoming so acute it was going to make Shane throw up, but finally all three Grays turned as one and began their walk back towards the saucer. 

Bravery popped and fizzed on the tip of Shane’s tongue, plopping like tiny drops of water in an ocean of terror. Lemon seeped into the flavors, curiosity in the midst of everything else, and Shane wasn’t surprised to hear slow, cautious footsteps come up beside him. 

Ryan was panting softly, his every breath trembling, but he had always been one of the bravest people Shane knew. And one of the most damnably curious. 

“Ryan, I need you to nod and smile right now,” Shane whispered, squeezing Ryan’s shoulder in reassurance, trying not to think about the fact that it could be the last time Ryan accepted his touch so readily. “Maybe a friendly wave if you can manage it.”

“What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,” Ryan started chanting quietly under his breath, his confusion and curiosity the only things keeping the acrid, vinegary flavor of his fear from tipping into fullbown panic, but he managed to raise his hand in a jerking wave that would have instantly betrayed him as terrified to any humans that saw him. Shane was incredibly thankful that Grays never bothered to learn much about human expressions. 

The Grays walked in their unsteady gait up the ramp without a farewell, but Shane hadn’t expected one. He wasn’t sad to see them leave and didn’t bother to watch the saucer lift away. Instead, he stared at Ryan, memorizing his features and trying not to feel like he was gearing up for a goodbye. 

Once the lights from the saucer were far away and the only thing lighting the woods was distant streetlights and faint starlight, Ryan met his eyes. It was too dark to entirely make out his expression, but Shane could feel everything. 

“What-” Ryan tried to say, but his voice cracked halfway through. He swallowed and licked his lips, then tried again. “What just happened?” It was a small and fragile question as he looked to Shane for an explanation, for comfort and safety, a habit that had been born from years of ‘haunted’ locations. 

Shane wanted so badly to provide that comfort, but all of the years- _decades_\- of lying caught up to him then. He was so tired. 

He had never wanted to share his greatest secret with a human. It had never been a problem for him to lie. But the idea of convincing Ryan that this was some misunderstanding or hoax and then continuing that particular lie for the rest of his life felt like an insurmountable, thankless task. 

He would lose Ryan if he came clean. He knew that. Even if Ryan could overcome his fear well enough to lie for him at work and to their friends, he wouldn’t want to keep dating the _alien_. 

But the sense of pride that had made Shane correct the Gray wouldn’t let him pretend now. 

“My mom asked someone to bring me my vitamins,” he said, shaking the bottle he had practically forgotten was in his hand. “And they did. Pretty self-explanatory, Ryan.”

He had expected Ryan to respond to that poor joke with anger. He had counted on it. An angry Ryan could be reasoned with. 

So he had no idea what to do when Ryan took a stumbled step backward, that hint of lemon disappearing into the maelstrom of acrid fear that had gone from sharp vinegar to sickening bile. Shane had to swallow just to keep the liquid down that Ryan had forced him to drink earlier. 

“Are- Are you-”

Shane couldn’t stand to see Ryan like this. “Am I what?” Shane asked. “Handsome? Clever? A little tired?” He threw out each word with a manic grin, damn near begging Ryan to give him any reaction that wasn’t shaking fear. “All of the above.”

“How did you know them?” Ryan forced out, broken and trembling. Even in the midst of horror, he was smart, and made connections fast. There was no doubt that he was remembering the number of times Shane had mentioned- had _defended_ aliens. “Are you like those _things_?”

The terror and disgust in ‘things’ hit harder than Shane could have anticipated, but it was too late now to back out. “Ah, not really?” he said, unconsciously brushing his hand through his hair, rubbing over the bumps on his head. “Different. Um. Species.” His voice gave out halfway through the word, ending in a hushed hiss that was swallowed by the night air. 

He could tell that Ryan heard it anyways. 

Ryan didn’t seem to realize he was backing away, his head slowly shaking back and forth with each step. Shane saw him wobble and he tried to catch the man before he fell over the tree root he had tripped across, but flinched to a stop when Ryan let out a terrified yelp and jerked away from him. Ryan ended up on his ass, staring at Shane with an expression that was nearly blank in its intensity. 

It was a thousand-yard stare of pure horror and Shane had only seen that twice before, when Ryan was at his absolute lowest. 

“Shit, Ryan, no, it’s okay,” he tried to soothe, stuffing the pill bottle into his pocket and going to his knees next to Ryan, holding out both hands in apology, in supplication. “You’re fine, I swear, nothing is going to happen to you.”

Ryan looked at him like he was every nightmare and boogeyman come to life and Shane’s heart broke. 

Hot tears dripped down his cheek as he reached out, determined to make it right, to at least calm Ryan down. 

Shane’s people were known for their empathic senses, their ability to treat emotions just like another taste or smell. Organs that had no human equivalent, that let them read sentient beings to a degree that very few species could copy. No other space-faring race could boast the ability. 

Most of his people were masters of restraining and controlling their emotions, at keeping their senses polite and contained and keeping others out. 

But Shane was, for all intents and purposes, half human. He had never had the best control. 

And it had never been proven that humans _weren’t_ psychic. 

As soon as his fingertips touched the hot, fevered skin of Ryan’s neck, Ryan’s panic surged. 

Shane fell. 

Lost in the whirlwind of Ryan’s fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted a little early so I can relax for the weekend. Thank you everyone for the support!
> 
> And 'thank you' to all my friends sending me alien memes and jokes, it's appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

Shane woke up alone.

Since he didn’t have the luxury of having forgotten what had happened, he wasn’t surprised.

What _was_ surprising was that he woke up in the muted morning glow of the hotel room, in the bed they had used, under the covers. He started to lift his head to look around, then groaned out loud and aborted all efforts to move for the moment. An emotional hangover from hell was making his entire body ache and his head felt like it was going to fall off.

The haphazard memory of Ryan’s fear completely overwhelming him was a confusing one and he wasn’t sure what the hell had happened. Adrenaline fueled, sickening terror that hadn’t come from him. He knew he was closer to Ryan, more attuned- for lack of a better word- than he was with anyone else, but he shouldn’t have experienced that fear so strongly. That wasn’t how empathy worked. It was just taste and flavors on his tongue, he didn’t actually feel what others were feeling.

Except that an echo of Ryan’s fear was still playing on a loop in his mind and it was distinctly not his. He wasn’t sure how he knew that, but Ryan’s fear was nothing like his own.

Grimacing in disgust at the fuzzy sourness of morning breath, Shane decided to ignore that entire conundrum for the time being and gathered his energy to try moving again. Sitting up was a monumental effort, but he managed to do it with only a couple of swears. His head was swimming, but he didn’t throw up and he thought he deserved a gold star for that one.

His phone was on the little table next to the bed and Shane stared at it for a long moment, unsure if he wanted to see what time it was. If he had any missed calls or text messages. What had Ryan done when he had passed out? He was back in the room, so he knew that Ryan hadn’t completely abandoned him, but he there was no denying that he was alone.

Incredibly alone.

Shane rubbed his hand over his face, taking a shaking breath that betrayed how close he was to tears, but he cleared his throat and put a lid on that. He needed to assess the damage before he broke down.

With that in mind, he reached for his phone with a more determined motion than he actually felt, his heart pounding hard in his side as he looked at the screen to see… One notification?

He unlocked his phone and didn’t see any of the missed calls, confused messages from TJ or Devon, or panicked messages from his parents that he had expected. All he had was a picture of Obi that Sara had sent some time the night before.

Had Ryan not said anything?

He was back in the bed, but he still had on all of his clothes from the night before. And his glasses. The only thing missing was his shoes. Which argued that Ryan had gone through the trouble of trying to take care of him to some extent. What the hell had happened last night?

Shane was staring blankly at his phone when the electronic lock on the room door clicked. He looked up in time to see Ryan edge inside, backlit by the hallway lights, his expression unreadable.

But Shane could all too easily taste the combination of fear, anger, and stubborn, wonderful love and worry.

The presence of any kind of positive emotion was a surprise, but maybe it shouldn’t have been. Ryan was compassionate above all else, even if he sometimes forgot himself in his jokes and bro moments.

Not that it made the silence any less painful.

It was Ryan who finally stepped forward, breaking the stalemate. He shrugged his backpack off his shoulder, catching it in his hand and then hunching forward into his hoodie. “I…" His voice was dry and scratchy on the single vowel and Shane would have bet real money that the man hadn't gotten any sleep. Rather than try to continue whatever he was going to say, Ryan nodded in a jerking motion towards the bathroom, then scuttled into it and locked the door behind him with a resounding noise that seemed to echo far more than it really could have.

Shane stared at the latch on the door, swallowing twice to clear his throat of the sheer intensity of flavors that Ryan had brought. It was tempting to lay back down, to surrender to the softness of the pillow and the covers and go back to sleep. To ignore that little moment. Maybe he would wake up to his life being normal again.

But life didn’t work that way and he knew that falling into a melancholic state of complete avoidance wouldn’t do him any good. Targeted, partial avoidance was going to be the way to go that day.

He threw the covers back and swung his feet to the floor, wincing with every movement that pulled at sore muscles. Everything ached like the middle of a flu and he decided to blame it on the lack of his supplements and not whatever weird thing had happened with being overwhelmed by Ryan’s emotions.

At the reminder of his missing supplements, he looked around the room, a brief flare of panic catching in his chest until he spotted the new white bottle sitting on top of his backpack. Shane sighed in relief, though it shook.

The sound of the toilet flushing and the sink being turned on produced a second, longer sigh. What would Ryan do when he was done? Skitter out of the bathroom, barely able to look at him? Confront him? Do nothing but stare like he was some kind of threat?

Usually, Shane could have anticipated what Ryan would do. But this was new territory and Shane was lost, adrift in the possibilities. Most of them sucked.

Each action was performed with rote, stilted movements as Shane stood and walked over to his backpack, dry-swallowing a couple of the pills, tucking the bottle securely into the front of the bag, then pulling out his last clean shirt. It was a plain T-shirt, meant as an emergency in case something happened to whatever shirt he was wearing. Since he didn’t have a message from the airport, it looked like he would have to go shopping for some basics.

Would he have to take the rented van alone? The unspoken agreement that Ryan would drive for him when possible, an agreement that had started years ago, was probably no longer on the books. How could he expect Ryan to want to accompany him when he could taste the leaking fear from the bathroom as Ryan brushed his teeth?

Shane laughed under his breath as he unbuttoned his shirt, amused despite and probably because of the entire situation. Leave it to Ryan to brave being alone with someone he was afraid of just to see to his dental hygiene.

He paused before taking off his undershirt, struck by the sudden wild image of a scared, angry Ryan stepping out of the bathroom to see him standing there in only his pants and socks and being able to tell, _somehow_, that he was different. Just by looking.

Which was bullshit and Shane didn’t appreciate the path his mind was taking. He knew the implant was working, nothing good would come from conjuring up extra worries.

The sink turned off, the meager soundproofing provided by the bathroom door doing little to hide that Ryan was standing there, not moving. Probably psyching himself up in front of the mirror.

Which was all well and good, but Shane had to pee and Ryan could freak out somewhere else.

Rather than fall into a new ridiculous stalemate of him staring at the door while Ryan stared at the mirror, Shane knocked on the door with only the barest hesitation. The emotional response was instantaneous. A surge of energy drink adrenaline, a dash of vinegar fear, and a sprinkling of sharp guilt. It tasted disgusting.

Ryan didn’t say anything, but Shane hadn’t really expected him to.

“At least let me piss,” he said as calmly as he could manage. “You can hide in there when I’m done.”

The door opened just enough for Ryan to glare at him and Shane couldn’t help his small smile. He had hoped that razzing the man would get a response.

“I’m not hiding.”

“Hiding, popping zits, same difference,” Shane said dismissively, pushing against the door pointedly before taking a step back to give Ryan room.

Ryan eyed him, his bottom lip caught between his teeth before his expression hardened like he had come to a decision. He edged through the doorway, never looking away. As if he thought Shane was going to suddenly leap at him.

His fear, more contained and level than it had been the night before, but still potent and painful to taste, crawled up the back of Shane’s throat.

Shane sighed, something he was going to get tired of doing really soon, and rubbed his hand under his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose in some vague hope that it would relieve his headache. “What do you think I’m going to do, exactly?” The words came out more tired than sarcastic, unfortunately.

There was a long pause as Ryan’s jaw worked, like he was trying to hold back from saying anything, but his restraint didn’t last long. “I don’t know! I just- I don’t know!”

Unimpressed, Shane stepped around him into the bathroom and didn’t let himself dwell on how Ryan flinched away from him. “You go ahead and figure that out.”

He didn’t like how snide he sounded to his own ears, harsh even for their most sarcasm-filled banter, but he suspected that there was the smallest possibility that he was a little angry. Show proof that aliens existed and Ryan started acting like he ate babies for breakfast.

It had been instinct to swing the bathroom door shut behind him when he had walked through, expecting it to close on its own, so it wasn't until his hands were already at the pull of his fly that he realized the door had been pushed back open and Ryan was standing there. Watching him.

"The fuck? You wanna give me a little privacy?"

Ryan tilted his head, his eyes narrowed as he said in a slow, thoughtful way that edged his fear with citrus curiosity and a lick of tingling daring. “You know, I’ve never seen you naked.”

Shane blinked at him, fingers still frozen at his fly.

“I thought it was because you weren’t into sex, but-”

“Oh my God,” Shane breathed, raising one hand to make Ryan pause. “Are you shitting me right now? Really?”

Ryan’s expression grew mulish as he crossed his arms over his chest and set his feet square in the doorway, making it clear he wasn’t going to move.

“You seriously going to watch me? We should have discussed this first, if that’s what you’re into,” Shane threw in challenge, fully expecting Ryan to splutter and cough and get so embarrassed that he would drop it.

But while Ryan did shift backwards and twist his face into an uncomfortable scowl, he stayed put and muttered, “I want proof.”

“Proof of _what_? My _dick_?”

Shane couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. He hadn’t thought in a million years that Ryan finding out about him and the universe outside of Earth would have led to a standoff in a goddamn hotel bathroom. And for fuck’s sake, he really needed to pee.

“Proof that you… That I saw-” Ryan made a face and gestured meaninglessly. “That last night actually happened.”

“I hate to sound like a broken record, but I have to repeat, and I really stress this; _my dick_?!”

Ryan’s mouth twitched as he took in whatever look Shane was giving him.

Continuing to stare at him, Shane raised both eyebrows so far up he could feel his face stretch.

There was a moment of silence and then Ryan broke, his acrid, nerve-filled laugh bubbling up out of him like a cascade of champagne. Shane grimaced against the taste, even as he fought back his own laughter. “Seriously, Bergara, I really don’t know what seein’ the ol’ tackle would accomplish here.”

“I don’t know,” Ryan said again, wiping his hand under his eyes to get rid of the moisture that wasn’t entirely from laughter. “I’m fucking tired and I saw a UFO last night and I think my boyfriend might be an alien.”

Huh. It was amazing how bittersweet it was to hear Ryan finally say ‘boyfriend’ without hesitation.

So that’s what his own guilt tasted like.

“Ryan…”

“Tell me the truth, Shane.” Ryan swallowed, sounding just as tired as his haggard appearance betrayed. “Please.”

Shane sighed. “What do you want to hear? Huh?”

“I want to know that I’m not in danger,” Ryan stated baldly.

And there went all of Shane’s guilt.

Shane twisted and took the one step needed to get right into Ryan’s personal space, the low simmer of his anger giving his quiet laugh a mocking note, his words an edge of sardonic cruelty. “We both know that if I told you right now that last night was a prank, you’d be falling all over yourself to believe me.”

“I know what I saw,” Ryan spat back after a moment of confusion, his answering anger dripping sharp into his fear, but his eyes were wider than they should have been for such a fierce response, and it was clear that a part of him wanted to be told it was all a lie.

“Say what you’re thinking, Ryan,” Shane said, making a show of leaning his hip against the sink in a relaxed pose and spreading his hands in a shrug. “I want to know what you ‘saw’. What you’re thinking right now. Because I’ll bet my _Earth-loving, oxygen-breathing ass_ that it’s going to be a real piece of work.”

Maybe that had been a little on the nose.

Ryan met his gaze, though it was clear it cost him. “You’re right, okay? If you told me that last night was a complete misunderstanding, I’d believe you. Because I trust you. But we both know it’d be a lie.” There was a short pause, then, “You fucker.”

Shane felt a smile curve his lips without him willing it. “Right back at ya.”

“I watched you have a conversation with an _honest-to-God_ little gray alien like you were having a chat with the neighbor you don’t like,” Ryan continued, starting to speak so fast that he was tripping over his words, like they had been buzzing around in his mind and he was relieved to get them out. It was clear that he had been thinking about this a lot. Probably all night. “And that your mom was now ‘of Earth.’ And-and then you said you weren’t the same _species_. Not like the- the Grays-”

‘_Ha_!’ Shane couldn’t help but think.

“-And not… Not human.”

‘Human’ cracked halfway through, which handily squelched any amusement Shane had been feeling at what Ryan inadvertently called last night’s visitors. His anger didn't go away, though. "And now I keep wondering,” Ryan continued, “If the truth has been right in front of me the whole time and I just never thought to look."

The funny thing was that Shane probably would have been paralyzed with the realization that Ryan had picked up and remembered so much of the night before if he wasn’t so tired and his bladder wasn’t so insistent.

Talk about bad timing.

Shane sighed through his nose, rubbing the top of his head. The shallow bumps on his head that both his hair and the implant hid were a pointed reminder to himself. “The truth really is out there. And you think maybe the truth is whether or not I have a dick."

Ryan snorted, his smile quick and small but painfully real."I want to believe."

"In my dick?" Shane shook his head, hopefully dismissing that entire line of conversation."For once, you’re right. Sort of. I’m more human than you think.”

“What-”

“But seriously, I’ll abduct you myself if you don’t let me piss, for fuck’s sake,” Shane said plaintively.

Ryan took an instinctive step back, his fear flaring and Shane had to resist the twin urges to roll his eyes and bury his head in his hands.

He also didn’t miss the way Ryan’s eyes flickered down unmistakably to the level of his crotch.

“Oh for-” Overcome with exasperation that swamped any hesitation he might have felt, Shane quickly pulled his shirt up and undid his fly and pants button, pushing pants and underwear down in one swift movement, his face so hot that it was probably glowing red in the implant’s hologram. He really hoped Ryan would be too shocked to look too closely. “Tada! A dick! A penis! Don’t judge too harshly, I’m not exactly in a great mood.”

“Oh,” Ryan practically squeaked, his eyes so wide they looked like they were going to fall out before he hastily jerked his gaze back up, face flushed dark. “Ah, I, uh, see. All checks out.”

And then he fled, slamming the door shut behind him.

“If I was a less secure man I’d be hurt by that reaction from my boyfriend!” Shane yelled through the door.

A few seconds later, there was the thump of something soft hitting the door.

It _almost_ made up for the lingering flavors of Ryan’s constant fear and his mishmash of negative emotions.

\------------------------

Despite locking the door, Shane still pissed as fast as he ever had in his life, half expecting Ryan to barge back in. Not because he was all that embarrassed, but relying on the implant to hide the presence or _absence_ of a couple of things was not going to work if Ryan decided to get hands-on with his curiosity. And he wasn’t quite ready to reveal all.

It was a stroke of luck that his few sexual experiences with humans hadn’t led to anyone being particularly handsy with him.

There was no knock at the door and no stubbornly determined Ryan suddenly in his space, so Shane was able to brush his teeth and push his glasses into his hair long enough to splash water on his face, hoping the sudden cold would make his body feel less exhausted.

And like some kind of physical tick, like an itch that he had managed to overlook for months before it came back worse and more insistent than ever, Shane reached over with his right hand and tapped a few times on his watch, the pattern he pressed on the screen that popped up as much muscle memory as unlocking his phone was.

The layer of hologram that lay over his skin every moment of every day flickered out of existence.

He didn’t look into the mirror, but he didn’t need to. He knew what he would see.

The wet-looking, smooth, vibrant red skin of his arms was enough. Potent, undeniable proof of who he really was.

There was once a time where he spent more time with the hologram off than on. When he came home from work, double checked his blinds, and turned off the implant to spend the night as himself.

Over the years, that habit had fallen away. Nights where he was too lazy to navigate the screen, or he didn’t know if a friend was coming over, or he plain forgot that he wasn’t actually a white, human man from Illinois.

Well, the Illinois part was technically true, so he had that going for him.

The low, but unmistakable sound of the hotel TV turning on made his heart lurch in his side and Shane scrambled to tap out the commands on his watch to bring the hologram back. He hadn’t forgotten that Ryan was there, nor that Ryan knew about him, for a certain value of ‘knew’, but that didn’t stop the instinctual panic to hide. His own fear was thick in the back of his throat as the fake view of light pink skin and a scattering of hair popped back into view over his arms.

He couldn’t exactly say that he was regretting his decision to not lie to Ryan, but he had to allow that maybe he had been a little rash. There was no way that Ryan wouldn’t want to know everything, including what he really looked like.

And he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

A drip of water down his chin tickled and brought him back to the present and the realization that he had been staring at the door like he was expecting a pitchfork-wielding mob to bust through.

Snorting at himself and his theatrics, Shane settled his glasses back on his nose and walked out of the bathroom and over the thrown pillow on the floor with a relaxed, hunched-shoulder stroll that he tried to pretend wasn’t a complete sham.

Ryan was staring so hard at the TV that he might as well have put up a neon sign that said ‘Acting Casual’. Shane shook his head and plopped down next to him, bouncing a little on the bed. He left plenty of space between the two of them, but Ryan still leaned away, a nearly imperceptible shift in weight that wouldn’t have been noticeable if the mattress hadn’t been soft enough to make him list to the side.

Was Ryan going to always act that way around him? How long until it became too much for either of them to deal with?

Too occupied by his desolate thoughts, Shane hadn't been expecting the sudden burst of stubbornness to flood his throat as Ryan deliberately straightened and shifted to look at him, but maybe he should have. No one could do stubborn quite like Ryan.

“Are you an alien?”

Shane tilted his head enough to look at Ryan out of the corner of his eye, scoffing to distract from his initial hesitation. “Where’s your tinfoil hat, Ryan? I can’t take your crackpot theories seriously without it.”

Ryan let out a low noise of frustration, a burst of pepper joining the stubbornness and damn near overriding the taste of fear. He made a gesture like he was going to punch Shane in the arm, but changed his mind halfway through, turning it into an aimless flail. “I think I’ve gone past the need for a tinfoil hat! I’m in tabloid headline territory! I’m going to end up right next to Bat Boy.”

“JFK Working At Gas Station. The Ghost Of Elvis Got Me Pregnant,” Shane pretended to read, sweeping his hand out in front of him. “My Boyfriend Is An Alien.”

Strangled wheezing started up next to him, Ryan curling forward as he tried to muffle his laughter. If it sounded a little hysterical, they both decided to overlook it. “Think I could get a three-page spread?” he eventually managed to ask, in that breathy, laugh-filled voice that Shane loved to cause.

“Oh, at least. And follow-up issues.”

Still chuckling to himself, gaze fixed firmly on the TV, as if not having to look at Shane would make it easier, Ryan reached over and sat his hand on top of Shane’s thigh. “You didn’t answer the question.”

Shane’s small smile fell. “I’m no little green man,” he hedged, annoyed at himself for his hesitation. Where had last night’s bravery gone? Why was it so hard now?

“No shit.”

Bolstered by Ryan’s annoyed response and the weight of the hand on his leg, Shane breathed in through his nose in one long inhale to steady himself. “Technically, no.” He picked at the seam of his pants before continuing with, “By your definition, yes.”

There was a long silence colored by the flavor of Ryan’s annoyed confusion. Which was better than the fear. Really, after years of having known the man, the taste of his annoyance was a familiar comfort.

“‘Technically’? Are you- Are you seriously being _pedantic_ right now?”

Shane grinned at Ryan’s incredulous tone. “It’s an important distinction, alright? It means something.”

“You fucking-”

Taking pity on him, Shane swallowed against his nerves. “Yes, okay? Yes, I’m-” he couldn’t quite finish the sentence, waving his hand and hoping that got the point across.

Another silence followed, this one more contemplative than before. Ryan’s hand squeezed imperceptibly on his thigh before before he took a deep, preparatory breath. “Am I in danger?” he asked in a burst. “For knowing?”

Shane thought of the Octans, their large unblinking eyes focused on Ryan, and guiltily jerked his shoulder in a shrug. Now that some time had passed, the question didn't hurt as much as it had before. He could maybe see why Ryan would think to ask. “Ah, no more than normal. We- uh, my people, I guess you’d say, we don’t care if someone knows as long as we know they won’t go telling everyone.”

Ryan shifted to face him. “How do you know I won’t tell anyone?”

Finally finding the courage to look at Ryan, Shane raised his eyebrows. “Ryan. Honey,” he said, filling the words with as much dripping condescension as he could manage. “No one would believe you. _Other aliens_ wouldn’t believe you.”

It-

It felt _good_ to be able to say that.

Eyes going wide, Ryan yelped, “There’s others?! Wait, of course there’s others, there-” He pulled back, obviously overwhelmed by all of the sudden implications. “Oh my God. Dude. I have _so many questions_.”

Shane sighed out a laugh, snorting softly as he leaned back. “Of course you do. You’re taking this well, by the way. Proud of you.”

“You missed out on my panic attack and hiding in the van,” Ryan said in a droll tone, his occasional self-deprecating tendencies making a clear appearance.

Opening his mouth to make a joke, Shane’s put his hand back to brace himself, his fingers brushing against the fabric of the bedspread, and-

_Panicky, shivery terror that threatened to overwhelm him at every moment, but he couldn’t leave Shane like this, no matter what he_-

_Well, no matter the situation_.

_Oh God, what was wrong with Shane, why was he in some fuckin’ comatose state like a fucking zombie? He wasn’t a zombie, right? That was stupid, there was no way- But he had just seen_ aliens, _who knew what_-

_Focus, fucking focus_.

_He dragged back the covers of the bed they had shared- Oh God, oh God, oh God, had he shared a bed with a fucking alien? Was he dating- Had he gotten a fucking_ blowjob _from goddamn ET? Dear Penthouse, you won’t fucking believe_-

_Shane moved dociley where he was directed, sitting down on the bed after little more than a push in that direction and God, it was terrible to see the big guy like this and he really fucking wished he knew what the fuck was going on, but he was glad Shane hadn’t actually collapsed like it had looked like he was going to do. He could bench two hundred, but Shane was long and deadweight wasn’t easy and_-__

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, get Shane’s shoes off, don’t get dirty feet on the bed, mom would kill him, don’t lose the_ stupid _pills that had started all of this- Oh God, had Shane been lying for years? Were all those abduction stories true, was he next? He didn’t want to be-_

_Fuck_!

_He had to get out of there, he couldn’t stay there, he needed- Not people, what if those little gray freaks came back, he couldn’t put the crew in danger_-

_The van, he could go to the van_-

“Shane?”

Shane jerked his hand away from the bedspread, his heart racing and his second set of eyelids shivering back and forth over his eyes in twitchy spasms that he had never experienced before. He rubbed hard at his face, knocking his glasses askew and trying to control his harsh breathing.

“Are you okay, are you going to do your- your walking coma thing again? Shane?”

What the _fuck_ had that been? That hadn’t been empathy, that wasn’t tasting emotions, that-

Shane shakily looked up, opening his eyes wide to keep _all_ of his eyelids open and grabbing Ryan’s shoulder in a fit of confusion and a need to know, “Did you take my shoes off because your mom would yell at you for getting shoes on a clean bedspread?”

Ryan’s mouth hung open in surprise. “Uh… “

“Did you call me ET last night?,” Shane pressed, his voice rising as he unconsciously shook Ryan’s shoulder, a quick little push and pull to get the man to answer _faster_.

“I, well, uh-”

“How much can you bench?”

Ryan leaned away, his eyebrows going down. “Two hundred? Shane, what the fuck is going on with you? What is this, a bit? What-”

Slowly drawing his hand back, Shane stared into nothing, his mind going a mile a minute as he tried to come up with some kind of explanation that made sense. “No, no, that can’t be right-”

“I did two-ten a couple weeks ago-”

Curling over and bracing his elbows on his knees to support his head in his hands, Shane started to breathe faster and faster, his legs bouncing and jostling him around but he needed to do _something_. “That isn’t how this works, I’m not a fucking telepath, no one is, that’s all bunk bullshit-”

“What the _fuck_ is going on, Shane?” Ryan asked, his fingers warm around Shane’s wrist as he lightly tugged to get his attention.

_ _“I’m an empath,” Shane said, for once not thinking of what he was saying, all of his attention on the sheer impossibility of what had just happened. “We can, uh, taste emotions. For lack of a better word. But I just fucking Professor X-ed you. Or your memories.”_ _

“What?” Ryan’s question was so hushed that Shane barely heard it.

“Was it because I passed out?” he asked out loud. “I need to call my mom, she has to know something or can know who to ask.”

_ _It was the sudden flood of vinegar at the back of his throat that finally made Shane aware of how Ryan was now standing, several feet away from him, his mouth turned down in an angry scowl. “You can read my mind?”_ _

_ _“What?” Shane shook his head. “No, of course not, that’s not how it works, it’s just emotions-” He stood, his hand out to touch Ryan. _ _

_ _Ryan stepped away. It was clear it had been an instinctive move. _ _

_ _Shane’s heart dropped. No, not again, they had been doing so well. He quickly held up his hand, palm flat in apology. “I swear, I’ve never read your mind, I just know what you’re feeling. I’m still fifty-fifty on the food poisoning on that one shoot being from bad hot dogs or your fear.”_ _

_ _Judging by Ryan’s expression, the joke had not been appreciated. _ _

_ _“Ryan-”_ _

_ _The knock made both of them startle._ _

_ _“Stop blowing each other and answer your phones,” TJ yelled through the door. “Check out is in ten, van is leaving in fifteen.”_ _

_ _When it was clear that Ryan wasn’t going to be able to fake a good answer, Shane yelled back, “Stop interrupting, Teej!”_ _

_ _There was a faint laugh and another knock on the door, then silence. _ _

_ _Shane and Ryan stared at each other. _ _

_ _“Well,” Shane finally said, swallowing against Ryan’s fear and anger. “Today’s location is going to be fun.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're abusing italics in this fic, folks.
> 
> Thank you so much for the continued support! It means a lot and always brightens the day <3


	5. Chapter 5

Over the years- God, _years_\- of having filmed Unsolved together, both on location and in studio, Shane and Ryan had run the gamut of emotions in front of the camera. Joy, depression, annoyance, boredom, sheer, utter exhaustion, even a couple of times when Ryan had been genuinely mad at Shane.

Shane tried not to think about the one time he had been mad at Ryan, because Ruining History was his own, special thing and he hated to be reminded of the lost potential.

Never had Ryan been _afraid_ of him.

It was buried under a bulwark of anger that threatened to burn his tongue for the first half of the day, as they wandered around the building of the day and talked to the owners, but the lower the sun sank and the more Ryan worked himself up over the supposed hauntings, the more the fear crept to the forefront. Like pickled peppers.

Which honestly wasn’t a bad flavor, Shane just didn’t enjoy that it grew more intense whenever he had to be close to Ryan. He was rather impressed by the lengths Ryan had gone to keep distance between them, actually.

Considering that they couldn’t film the entire episode in wide angle, standing on opposite ends of the room the whole time wasn’t cutting it. Someone in the crew was going to kill one of them soon.

“Ryan, you’re only half in the shot. We need both of you in this hallway,” TJ said, a variation of the same theme for most of the night.

“Can’t we just change the angle?” Ryan asked, his tone sharp. “Farther down the hall, long shot-”

“That can’t be the entirety of the episode.”

“C’mon, I don’t smell that bad,” Shane interrupted before Ryan could manage to pick a fight. TJ was patient, but he had his limits, and Shane really wanted the night to end with as few arguments as possible. “Take out some of your anger on your ghosts,” Shane muttered as he stepped closer to Ryan, hoping the man wouldn’t scuttle away like he had earlier.

“How do you know I’m angry, huh?” Ryan snapped, pointed and loud.

Shane knew better than to look at the crew, but Christ, he should have known that Ryan wouldn’t be the best at keeping things quiet. “The look on your face is a pretty good indication, Bergara,” he drawled, surprised that as he reached touching distance, Ryan’s fear was completely overwhelmed by his anger.

What the hell? The fear he could, unfortunately, understand, but the sheer amount of anger was coming out of left field. A little annoyance? Sure. It was a weird situation and Ryan didn’t always respond to things in a chill way. But this was ridiculous.

“Save it for the ghosts,” Shane said as Ryan glared at him. Maybe if he stressed ghosts enough, Ryan would be reminded that they were _being filmed_. From multiple angles. “Hurt their feelings, it will be funny. I want to see if you can’t successfully provoke thin air.” Then he said in a low aside, “And then we can leave and hash things out.”

More than he wanted to say while being recorded, but at this point, there was no hiding that they were fighting.

Ryan’s scowl deepened for a second before he turned on his heel to face down the hallway and started shouting. “Lyton, you fucking asshole! Did you kill your wife?!”

Shane blinked, taken aback for a split second before he remembered that he had a role to play. Egging Ryan on would look good. “Yeah, you dickwad! Why you gotta be like that, man? Wife-murder is bad!”

Completely ignoring him, Ryan started down the hallway, aggressively swinging his flashlight back and forth. “You wanna say something to us? Why don’t you say something to the tall douchebag back there! Push him around, give him a good punch!”

“Wow,” Shane muttered on a surprised huff of laughter, but raised his voice when he yelled back, “Yeah, give me some bruises, that’ll be fun!”

Judging by the quick scowl directed his way, Ryan didn’t really appreciate him playing along, but tough shit. Shane wasn’t going to forget that they were in the middle of doing their job, even if Ryan felt fine with doing so. If this kept up, he would start to be truly concerned by the lack of professionalism. It just wasn’t like Ryan. He cared deeply about his profession and always strove to work hard.

Ryan stalked up to a door and jiggled the handle, pulling back and forth in a way that rattled the door. “I thought the owner said none of the doors were locked?” he asked, glaring at the old wood like it represented all of the worst things in the world. Shane had to wonder if his own face wasn’t being imagined right there.

“Maybe if you didn’t jerk it around like that,” Shane said, coming up behind him and pushing away the hurt he felt when Ryan stepped away. “You have to be gentle with these old things, give it a little love-”

He wrapped his hand around the antique brass doorknob and-

_This was it, he was finally going to kill her. He was going to do what he had promised two months ago and- _

_No, no, she had to get out, she had to run, she couldn’t give up-_

_Lord, hear my plea-_

_No, the blood dripping down her hands was too slippery, she couldn’t get a grip, the door wasn't opening! _

_Why, why had she stayed, why hadn't she married Cotton, why had she given in to Lyton?_

_His footsteps and swearing were getting closer and the damn door wasn't moving and it took a special kind of twist to open anyways, but she couldn't do it with so much blood everywhere, and her fear was going to choke her long before he did and-_

Shane let go of the handle, his heart pounding hard in his side from the remembered fear of a woman who had died decades ago.

Which _wasn't possible_.

"Shane?"

He looked down into eyes that were rendered dark by the lack of light, Ryan's fear and anger momentarily replaced by worry.

"You have to twist it to the left before going to the right, " he said in a distant, dazed monotone.

That couldn't have been real? Right?

Ryan raised his eyebrows before his mouth thinned into a firm line and he slowly reached for the door. Shane hoped like hell that it wouldn't open, that his brain had made everything up, that he was just cracking under the strain.

The door creaked open as soon as Ryan cautiously rotated the knob left and then right.

Shane licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. "I need a time out. I need to sit."

“What? Shane-”

Completely ignoring the crews’ confusion and worry, he strode out of the hallway on legs that wobbled. The house was empty for most of the year, but the owner opened it up for tours in October for the Halloween season. There was a small room in the back that had been turned into a kind of dressing-slash-storage room for the employees. An old coffee maker and even older microwave sat on a rickety table and there was a standing rack of tired, dusty, historic costumes. Like most places that capitalized on their supposedly haunted nature, the existence of the room argued heavily that Ryan once again wasn’t going to get any real evidence. At least it had given them somewhere to leave their bags and unused equipment without worrying about ruining shots.

Shane sank down onto a wooden chair that could have been original to the house, careful not to touch any objects with his skin. He had no idea what was going on, and two instances weren’t a trend and weren’t exactly the scientific method, but both weird experiences had happened after he had touched something. He didn’t feel like tempting fate.

Taking a deep breath, he rubbed one hand over his face, pushing his glasses up. The GoPro harness felt heavier than it actually was. A reminder that he was holding up everyone’s night.

He just needed to calm down. To quiet his heart and stop shaking. To stop tasting a strange woman’s fear.

What the fuck had happened? Had any of that terror been real? Those thoughts that had so clearly not been his own, were they the last panicked memories of a murdered woman or had his brain misfired and made it all up? He didn’t even know a fucking _Cotton_. Would his brain have imagined that?

Was something wrong with him?

His empathy was just another sense. That was it. Emotions translated into taste because human language didn’t have the right words for what it really was. A section of the brain that no other species had, that his people had identified hundreds of years ago. They didn’t _read minds_. It wasn’t possible!

Right?

Surely he would have heard if someone could legitimately read minds. Which meant there was probably something wrong with him.

Oh God, if something was wrong with him, would he have to go back to Theemin?

The group of his people that had decided to make their home on Earth included doctors, but a brain specialist? Shane had no idea.

He didn’t want to go back. But he didn’t want to experience other people’s thoughts, either. The emotions he may have been able to handle. Maybe. But knowing what someone was thinking? That was too much. Too far. He didn’t need echoes of someone else’s thoughts in his head.

Shane took a deep breath, deliberately removing his hand from his face and sternly getting a grip on his worries. He needed to be certain that those two trips down someone else’s memory lane were real. He needed to talk to his mom. And he needed to calm down. He had done too much freaking out in the past couple of days.

Maybe this thing would sort itself out. Maybe it was a glitch in his system. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to leave the planet.

The door to the little room cracked open, interrupting his attempts to talk himself down. Ryan peaked through with an unreadable expression on his face.

He tasted like worry over the fear and anger and Shane was getting tired of so many negative emotions. There was no point in hoping that Ryan would go away, though. Not when there was more footage to shoot.

Shane shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the snarky thought, knowing he was being unfair. Ryan must have taken the movement as permission to move closer, because he edged into the room and shut the door behind him.

“So,” Ryan said after a moment. “What the hell, Shane? If it was a bit…” He trailed off with a downright hopeful expression.

There was a strained second of silence as Shane just stared at him.

Ryan sighed. “Right,” he muttered. “Didn’t think so.”

“I’ll be out in a few minutes,” Shane forced himself to save, quirking a smile that probably looked as fake as it felt.

“What was that all about?” Ryan asked, completely ignoring him. “With the door. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

Ryan’s anger spiked, sharp and peppery. “Bullshit. What did you do?”

“I touched a doorknob, Ryan,” Shane said slowly and quietly, raising one eyebrow. He didn’t think he could handle any kind of conversation right now. Not when half the crew was lurking on the other side of the door.

Judging by his expression, Ryan _really_ wanted to yell at him, but for the first time that day, he seemed to realize that they weren’t exactly in private. He jerked his head in a stiff nod and turned to leave.

He hesitated for the barest moment, guilt marring the other flavors of his emotions.

Shane wasn’t surprised when that guilt didn’t win out. He told himself he preferred it that way. He studied the ancient microwave rather than watch Ryan leave.

\----------

They made it back to their hotel right after midnight, which was probably a record for a location shoot that they had been given permission to stay in. The professional side of him hoped they had enough footage, because it would be a shame to have gone to all that effort and get nothing out of it, but the rest of him couldn’t blame Devon and TJ’s unanimous decision to quit early.

The tension between him and Ryan had been so thick that they could have cut it with a knife. It probably made for great television to a certain kind of audience, but it wouldn’t clock well with the humor side of YouTube.

Ryan didn’t stomp through the room, which was a surprise with how his anger- tired, but apparently neverending- brimmed and frothed and coated Shane’s tongue. Instead, Ryan seemed to be moving about the area like he was trying to avoid drawing attention to himself.

If he hadn’t been able to taste what Ryan was feeling, Shane thought he might have been fooled by the careful, quiet way the man was going through his bags, finding sweats, then changing his clothes.

There had been the barest moment of hesitation before Ryan had unbuckled his belt and pulled his pants off, despite the fact that they were far past embarrassment over being seen in only underwear. Shane had no idea what to do with that pause.

Maybe that was why words slipped out of his mouth that he knew were the wrong thing to say even as he said them.

“What, you’re not going back to the van?”

Ryan stopped where he was walking towards the bathroom, his eyes narrowed in a glare that finally reflected what he was actually feeling. “Fuck you,” he said simply.

Shane couldn’t help but poke the bear of Ryan’s tangled, seething emotions. “Why are you so mad? Fear I get, since you’re afraid of your own shadow-”

“I’m not mad,” Ryan interrupted him, radiating so much anger that a human probably could have sensed it.

Lifting both hands in a lazy disbelieving gesture, Shane just raised one eyebrow at that obvious lie. He made a show of sitting on the edge of the bed, keeping that eyebrow up the entire time as he stared.

“I’m not-”

“Ryan,” Shane sighed.

There was a pause, then Ryan exploded with,“_That_! That’s why I’m mad! Why I’d think most people would be mad! It’s one thing to suspect that I’m lying when I say I’m fine, it’s another to know!” He crossed his arms over his chest, though his chin was jutted forward with mulish stubbornness.

Shane took a second to think that one through. “You’re upset because I know when you’re lying about how you feel?” he asked, each word hesitant.

“Yes!... No!” Ryan scowled. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Anyone with eyes and a basic knowledge of human expression would know when you’re angry, it doesn’t exactly take empathy.”

Ryan dropped his gaze, looking away as he tried to organize his words. “It’s- Look, you-” He groaned in frustration, uncrossing one arm to rub at his face. “It’s not that. It’s not about being able to tell when I’m lying. It’s that emotions are private. It’s one thing when people can look at me and guess. Probably guess pretty accurately. It’s another to _know_. You know?”

“No,” Shane said slowly. He tilted his head, considering Ryan’s words, but they didn’t make sense to him. “I don’t know. And I think you’ve got things a little wrong here. I still have to know the person to get everything exactly right. Everyone tastes a bit different. Broad emotions taste the same, but individuals have their own flavors.” It was weird to say so much about it out loud.

“God, that sounds creepy,” Ryan muttered before shaking his head. The burn of his anger was mellowing out into an exhausted smolder. “My emotions are _mine_,” he tried again. “And then you say something about reading my mind-”

“That’s not a normal thing, that's-”

“-And it feels like a- a violation.”

Confused guilt coiled through Shane, settling low in his stomach and making faint nausea rise up, threatening to choke him. He couldn’t face that concept. Not at all. He ruthlessly ignored it, skipping right over whatever implications that brought about his own damn people.

“If you’re so angry, why are you still here? With me?” he asked instead of thinking any more about it.

Shy amusement and embarrassment trickled through the mire, faint and delicate and refreshing on top of all the anger, rested right on the tip of Shane’s tongue. Ryan smiled at the floor like the expression had been drug out of him and grumbled something too low for Shane to hear.

“Come again? I’m not down there.”

Ryan outright sighed, then flung his hands out wide. “Because it’s _cool_,” he said with the same vehemence from earlier. “It’s a fucking superpower! And you’re an alien!”

“Say it louder, why don’t you?”

Quieter, but with no less intensity, Ryan continued, “You’re literally a comic book character!”

Taken aback, Shane raised his hand to cover his surprised smile. He rubbed his mouth, unable to entirely stop his smile from turning into a grin. “I mean, I kind of am.”

Ryan snorted, his eyes searching as he looked like he was having an argument with himself. After a moment filled with sweetness and vinegar, he took a step forward. “And,” he said, head ducked down. “Even if you’re, like, some kind of tentacle monster from some weird planet-”

“Mmm, wouldn’t that be neat.”

“- I still… I still love you.”

Well, that was too good to pass up. No matter how much the hesitant declaration made his throat close up and moisture prickle at the corners of his eyes. And Ryan would be so disappointed if he let the opportunity pass.

“I know,” Shane said smugly, ignoring the catch in his own voice and wiggling his eyebrows to deliberately make a fool of himself. Because he would never in a million years be able to pull off a Harrison Ford impression seriously.

Staring at him, Ryan took a second to flatly ask, “Did you just Han Solo me?”

With supreme confidence, Shane nodded. “You’d have done the same.”

“Obviously.” Ryan took a deep breath, then sat down next to him.

The anger was still there, a simmering fire that was going to burn Shane’s mouth if he accidentally stoked it. Or if Ryan went out of his way to make himself madder.

Judging by the way his face kept twisting in different emotions, that was exactly what he was doing.

Ryan sat with his hands in his lap, laced together as he played with his fingers, psyching himself up for something. Shane wanted to sleep, or to finally call his mom despite the late hour, but he knew that if Ryan didn’t get whatever he wanted to say out now, it would fester until it exploded.

“I keep thinking that the alien thing can't be real,” Ryan said finally, his voice quiet. “Or it’s not fake, but maybe you’re exactly like humans from somewhere else with different technology.”

Shane opened his mouth, unsure how to respond, but Ryan continued before he could say anything.

“But then you can do mind shit. And that's both wrong and a pointed reminder that you're not...not human. You're different.”

“Too different for you?” Shane had to ask. His heart was an uncomfortable weight in his side and the catch in his throat had gone from disbelieving joy to a heavy dread. If an extra sense was enough to cause Ryan concern, there was no way he would accept the rest of the truth.

“What?” Ryan looked up from his hands, clearly affronted. “No, of course not. You’re still you-”

“I should tell you that I don't look like this,” Shane interrupted him. Because if he didn’t say it now, he never would.

The idea of Ryan admitting to loving him before knowing the full truth was painful. Funny, considering that not even a month ago he had been fine with it.

Ryan blinked once. “What?”

“This,” Shane said, gesturing at himself. “It’s fake. A hologram.”

“A hologram? Holograms are- Wait, what do you mean? What do you look like?” Ryan took a quick glance up and down Shane’s body, as if he thought he could suddenly see something different about him.

Anger warmed the air around him, dripping down Shane’s tongue. It nearly covered the prickle of lemon that was Ryan’s stubborn, stubborn curiosity.

“No tentacles,” Shane tried to joke, but Ryan just glared at him. He gave in. “Not that different,” he hedged. “A little more red. Same features. Different anatomy.”

“So this is something else you’ve been lying about?”

And that was a little unfair.

Shane leaned back, brows furrowed as he eyed Ryan in disbelief. “What was I supposed to do? Tell everyone?”

Ryan looked away, squirming in place. His anger ebbed back down into something more tired than anything else. “No,” he admitted reluctantly.

“I don’t have nails,” Shane said blandly, after an uncomfortable pause. It was an offering, a hope that Ryan would calm down and stop being angry at him for _five damn minutes_ for lying about something that he had to lie about.

He didn’t quite expect Ryan’s reaction of stunned silence before his lip curled in disgust. “What? Why? What kind of evolutionary path is that? How fucking weird is your home planet?”

“Little rude,” Shane managed to say mildly, unconsciously curling his fingers until the tips were hidden under his palms.

“Seriously, no common ancestor with claws? How do you open things? What the hell do your fingers look like? Sausages? Meat tubes?” Ryan sat forward, his enthusiasm growing as he leaned into the bit.

And Shane got it. He did. If things had been a little different, he would have been right there with Ryan, making the same jokes, bringing out comparisons he had thought of years ago when he began to appreciate seeing nails and flat fingertips. He had a good dick joke that he would have loved to whip out any other moment.

That instant, though; of Ryan’s automatic disgusted reaction. He couldn’t get that expression out of his mind. Or the faint taste of bile out of his mouth.

“Nothing on Theemin has claws or nails,” he said steadily. “Or hair or fur. There’s no keratin.”

“Theemin?” Ryan asked, latching onto that instantly. “One of those little gray dudes said that. Why no keratin? Does that mean you’re bald? Everything there is just skin? Like those ugly cats?”

Shane drew in a long breath. “Ryan-”

“Or those little naked mole rats-”

“Are you going to keep insulting me and my people? Should I just go to sleep?”

Ryan’s mouth snapped shut, the taste of lemon curdling into guilt before quickly being subsumed by the bite of anger all over again. His chin came up and his shoulders straightened, the flavor of shame riding under it all as his expression set into stubborn defensiveness that Shane was all too familiar with. “So when are you leaving?”

Shane stared at him. “What? Leaving?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, starting strong, but then his breath stuttered and a flavor that Shane couldn’t quite identify joined the rest. “When are you going back?”

“Going back where?” Shane had to dig his fingers into his palms to push back his own sudden fear that Ryan was trying to tell him to leave. “LA? Illinois?”

Ryan made a frustrated little gesture. “Your planet. Theemin or whatever.”

Did Ryan seriously think that-

Was that fear under the-

Shane shook his head sharply. “I’m not going anywhere. Why would you think that?”

“Because I know now,” Ryan said gruffly. “And I know you weren’t ever going to tell me, so now you either make me forget like some kind of bad abduction cliche or you leave, right?”

“This _is_ my planet. I was born here,” Shane informed him, doing his best to keep his voice even, but he couldn’t disguise the weariness to it. His own feelings that he had tried so hard to ignore swirled and threatened to choke him, the acridness of tired fear giving way to bitter, bitter disappointment and the disgusting, chalky blandness of apathetic expectation. He had suspected that Ryan would react this way.

Ryan’s eyes narrowed, his defensiveness gaining a sharp, bright note of citrus curiosity. “Really? You weren’t _spawned_?” It was meant as an insult, but Shane could tell there was an actual question buried under the sheer meanness of what Ryan had said.

And that-

That hurt.

Far more than he would have anticipated.

Shane found himself biting his lower lip between his teeth, focusing on the hint of pain to keep himself from saying something angry. He knew Ryan was scared, and it sounded like he was just as scared of him leaving as he was of everything else, which would have been heartwarming if he wasn’t so offended. And he knew that Ryan could get aggressive when scared. The man’s initial response was always fight, even if it could quickly morph into flight. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t being a complete ass.

The silence stretched and Ryan’s eyebrows lowered. He took a deep, steadying breath, something sheepish and guilty mixing into the mire of emotions that surrounded him. It tasted like milk on the verge of going bad.

“Okay, I shouldn’t have said any of that,” Ryan said, trying to apologize without apologizing.

Shane shrugged and looked away, letting out a long breath. It was incredibly tempting to snap at Ryan. To get back at him somehow. The comments of naked mole rats and spawning had struck far more of a blow than they should have. A part of him wanted to retaliate.

He knew Ryan. Knew what he was scared of. Especially when it came to aliens. He had watched enough movies with the man to know exactly how best to completely terrify him. It’d be so easy to let even an iota of truth slip, something that could easily be misconstrued, that Ryan would take and run with, taught by years of horror movies.

He could tell Ryan that there really was a species out there that thought of most sentient beings as nothing more than thinking meat, a species that could warp their shape and senses at will. That the Thing had been closer to the truth than the novella’s author could have realized, that John Carpenter’s movie had mesmerized Shane with its inadvertent accuracy.

He could tell Ryan that there were no Xenomorphs, but there _was_ an entire space-faring race that gestated their young in live creatures. Creatures farmed specifically for that purpose. It didn’t matter that the race was peaceful and abhorred violence. All Ryan would think of was Alien and the chestburster, of Ripley fighting off vicious monsters with a flamethrower.

If he wanted to make sure that Ryan never spoke to him again, he could even tell the man that his own species only resembled humanity in the most basic sense. That even with human DNA spliced into his genetic makeup, what he actually looked like was more demon than human and Shane was not unaware of the irony.

Instead, Shane said nothing.

Ryan leaned towards him, awkward in the way he sat his hand on Shane’s thigh. “I’m sorry,” he tried again. “That was shitty of me.”

The warmth from Ryan’s hand seeped through his jeans and Shane was hit by the sudden fear that he was going to see into Ryan’s mind again. It was a more potent and immediate fear than the tangle that pertained to his feelings about Ryan and being discovered. He stood up abruptly, striding towards his jacket and where he had left his wallet. “I’m going to Wal-Mart. I need clothes.”

“It’s like one in the morning,” Ryan said, his response quiet.

“It’s a 24-hour store, I checked.”

“I can drive for you-”

Shane shrugged into his jacket and grabbed the van keys, leaving the room without a word.

He heard the door click open behind him.

He didn’t look back once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much angst~
> 
> Far later than I wanted, but life happens. If y'all are having some bad mental health days (weeks/months), don't be afraid to reach out. Either to friends or professionals, if you can afford it. 
> 
> Big, big thank you to the usual suspects (you know who you are and I can't thank you enough) for supporting me and a shout out to those anon people that tracked me down on tumblr to prod at me. It was good to know that there was still interest in this!
> 
> I won't make any promises about the timing of the next update, but we're hopeful out here. 
> 
> Thank you, everyone <3


	6. Chapter 6

Shane had always liked the stars.

They were the same everywhere.

Sure, the stars themselves changed. Constellations looked different from hemisphere to hemisphere, planet to planet. Sometimes the skies were blue or sometimes red. Sometimes there was an asteroid belt spreading across the view. But every planet that could see the night sky saw the deepness of the universe and the twinkling lights of millions of stars.

It was peaceful.

Shane sighed, his breath fogging the window of the van door. The side of his head was cold where it touched the glass, but he didn’t want to move just yet. He didn’t want to stop looking at the calming, steady march of the stars across the horizon, vibrant now that he was away from the bright streetlights and stores. The little park he had found had been dark and inviting and the lure of stopping to simply exist had been too great to ignore.

He needed to head back to the hotel soon. Another hour and Ryan would probably start worrying that he had skipped the country. Or the world.

‘_Because he’d miss me or because he needs his cohost_?’ came a snarky little voice of doubt. Shane closed his eyes, annoyed at himself. He knew Ryan would miss him, even if the guy was currently scared of him under all the anger. Worrying otherwise was counterproductive to getting past the entire mess of the last couple of days.

The tick of cooling metal and the sound of his own breathing was the only noise in the van. It was so darn peaceful that he nearly wanted to stay in the same spot for the rest of the night

His back would not thank him, though. Nor the crew when they went to pack everything up and couldn’t find the van.

He sat up, hesitating at the last second before touching the steering wheel or the keys. Then he held his breath and took a firm grasp on both, strangely nervous despite having already touched both things.

But he had no idea how this whole reverse-psychic malarkey worked and no idea what triggered it. Presumably strong emotions, but what did he know? Absolutely nada. He wasn’t even entirely sure it had anything to do with touch.

Nothing happened as his skin met cool plastic and he started the engine without a single hint towards flashbacks of the previous renters. He let out a thin sigh in relief; something he only allowed himself because he was alone. He wouldn’t be able to be so obvious the next day, while surrounded by people.

While next to Ryan.

At the thought of the man, Shane leaned forward, lightly knocking his head against the top of the steering wheel.

Fuckin’ Ryan.

The memory of Ryan saying things like ‘naked mole rat’ and ‘spawned’ were loud earworms of disgust in his own brain, playing on a constant loop like a particularly annoying, painful soundbyte.

Ryan was his best friend. His ride or die. If he wanted to get poetic or chose to believe in things like that, he might have even called Ryan his other half. His soul mate.

He had to wonder if Ryan, who had been to church, who did have at least _some_ background in religion, would consider aliens to have souls.

Shane could already see the jokes now. The scenarios. A stupid card bought on an anniversary that Shane wouldn’t remember, but Ryan would. A co-worker jokingly calling them soulmates. Ryan’s oh-so-hilarious response that Shane would need to have a soul first.

And he didn’t think he could stand that from someone he cared so much about.

Loved?

That would explain why it all hurt so much.

Fed up with his own melancholy, Shane slapped the radio on and put the van in reverse with determination, blocking away the more depressing thoughts into a corner of his mind, where they would hopefully never again be seen.

He loudly hummed along to the song he didn’t recognize, grimly holding onto the sense of calm that he had achieved while watching the night sky. He arrived at the hotel sooner than he was comfortable with, but he wasn’t going to hide in the parking lot for the rest of the night.

It was late enough that the entire hotel was under a quiet hush, his footsteps muted on the thick carpet. The liminal space of chain hotels everywhere made the moment feel suspended in time. In space. Without windows to look out of, he could have been in any hotel in any state in the country. He couldn’t help but think of the number of hallways he had walked down, the rooms he’d slept in. All with Ryan.

There were no sounds of late night TV or couples engaging in some hotel fun. Even the woman at the front desk had barely done more than give him a weird look for the way he had hesitated outside the door before touching the handle.

Trying not to interrupt the silence that made him quiet his breathing, Shane slipped through the door as soon as the lock clicked open, closing it behind him as slowly as he could.

He had a moment to hope that the dull thud of the door latching shut hadn’t woken Ryan up, but that hope was dashed when he heard a soft rustle of sheets and a whispered, questioning murmur that sounded like his name.

A bedside lamp was turned on, spilling pale yellow light across the bed they had originally shared, revealing Ryan sitting up and pushing the comforter down.

Somehow, Shane wasn’t surprised that he had been sleeping in that bed.

Ryan didn’t try to say anything else, but his eyes were tired behind his glasses and his chastised, miserable expression spoke volumes. The air tasted like stale worry and guilt.

A vindictive part of Shane that he liked to pretend he didn't have felt rather smug that he hadn't been the only one having a hard time that night.

Rather than think such uncharitable things, he looked away from those dark eyes and sat the bags of cheap clothes he had bought next to his pile of things. He eyed the bottle of pills on top of his backpack, pulling a face at the reminder of what had started all of this.

Again there was the smooth slide of someone moving under sheets and a cut off noise that wasn’t quite his name.

Shane closed his eyes for a moment, including his second eyelids out of a perverse need to feel something that he knew wasn’t human, and turned around to face Ryan with both eyebrows raised in silent question.

The man had flung the comforter back in obvious invitation, his face as neutral as Ryan knew how to make it.

Damn it, he had never been good at saying no to that hopeful expression. It was only made worse by the lines of exhaustion that cut across Ryan’s face.

Shane didn’t look at Ryan as he perched on the edge of the bed and toed his shoes off. The sudden weight of Ryan's hand on his back made him startle and he had to control the urge to move away.

There was a layer of material between their skin and he slowly relaxed as nothing happened, closing his eyes just to exist in the moment. There was still so much that needed to be said, but it was nice to merely listen to Ryan breathe and feel the warmth from his skin seep through the thin cotton of the shirt.

"C'mon, let's go to sleep. We wake up in two hours," Ryan said gently, his voice quiet like he too didn’t want to break the calm silence.

Shane nodded and muttered a quick, “Yeah.” He stood up to slide his pants off, leaving him in only his shirt and boxers. He couldn’t see much in the light of the single lantern, but the hologram’s image of leg hair struck him as particularly highlighted in that moment.

It was such a little thing. Inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. And yet bizarrely important. One more in the thousands of tiny details that his people needed to think about to stay undiscovered amongst humanity.

“Shane?”

He let out a faint breath of amusement, shaking his head. “I’m getting existential over leg hair,” he murmured.

“What? Leg hair?”

Striving to keep his tone light, Shane took a step towards the other bed and said over Ryan’s confused questions, “Maybe I should sleep alone tonight.”

Ryan reached towards him, an automatic action. The space between the beds was long and Ryan wasn’t on the edge of the bed. Unless he lunged, it wouldn’t have been possible for him to come close to making contact.

Shane flinched away from the touch anyways.

Ryan stared at him with eyes wide and surprised.

His heart was in his throat and his palms were oddly clammy from the sudden jolt of adrenaline and Shane was thrown by his own reaction. But he couldn’t handle that again. Not the emotions that weren’t his own, not the bone-chilling terror of a woman afraid for her life or the confused horror of a man who had just discovered one of his greatest fears was real. Not even the tired bewilderment of a man who obviously just wanted to sleep in the same bed as him.

Ryan looked gutted by how Shane had edged backwards and Shane felt a sudden cascade of snarky, spiteful things crowding their way out of his mouth- _How does it feel to have the shoe on the other foot, don’t like the taste of your own medicine, do you?_\- about how it was cruelly _fair_ that Ryan was now the one dealing with someone that was afraid of his touch.

But he kept his teeth clenched shut and turned his head away, breathing hard through his nose in an attempt to appear more calm. He wasn’t fooling anyone.

It was the intense flavor of something he could only call bitter resignation that made him look up, just in time to see Ryan pull the sheet back up and roll over to his side, facing away from Shane.

“I can’t. Okay? I can’t,” Shane managed to say out loud in the face of that rejection. Too loud for the hush of the room. His words seemed to echo and he scrambled to add. “I touched the door and I don’t know what might happen if I touch a person.”

A long breathless pause was followed by Ryan twisting enough to look over his shoulder and say, “You want to explain what the hell that means?”

“Do you remember when I touched the bedspread and I got that- uh, that flashback?” Shane tried, unsure how to simplify the entire situation. “Of the night when everything went down the shitter? And I guess I, uh…” he drew out the sound as he tried to think of a word to describe what had happened. “Experienced? Relived? I relived a moment of your thoughts.”

“I guess,” Ryan said slowly. “You never really explained any of it. You just freaked out about not being a telepath and then we had to go film.”

“Yeah, well.” Shane rubbed at the back of his neck and swallowed. “When I touched the doorknob that was stuck, it happened again.”

Ryan finally sat back up, letting the sheet pool to his waist. “So that’s why you left like you had seen a gho-” His eyes went wide. “Oh my God, you pretty much saw a ghost.”

“Ryan,” Shane snapped. Normally he would have entertained Ryan long enough to at least make fun of the man, but he didn’t want to hear that nonsense. “Not now.”

But Ryan was already ignoring him, his curiosity making the air taste like a bitter lemonade. “What did you see? Or live? Did you relive someone’s life? Was it the woman who was murdered? Was-”

“Yes!”

The yell surprised both of them, but Shane recovered first. Now that he had finally found the courage- or the exasperation- to say it out loud, he felt like he needed to get it all out. “Yes,” he repeated, quieter but no less forceful. “I did. I felt the last moments of a woman who was about to be murdered by her own husband. So you can imagine that I _do not want to do that again_.”

“Oh.” Ryan’s gaze went blank as he thought that over. “Shit, man. That sucks.”

That was one eloquent way of putting it.

“Yeah, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant walk in the park.”

“Is it if you touch everything or-”

Shane sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose under his glasses. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Is it like thought transference?”

“You expect me to know what that means?”

“Or like echoes of the past? Echoes of strong emotions?”

“I don’t know.”

Ryan leaned forward in his interest, sudden energy giving his face a manic cast. “This is new, right? What started it? Is it a thing your species, uh- Your people? Can do?”

“I don’t know and no, we only-” Shane cut himself off and sat on the edge of the other bed like a marionette whose strings had been cut, bouncing slightly with the force of his landing. “Ryan, let me get the two hours of sleep I can before I have to spend over fifteen hours pretending like I’m not avoiding touching everything and everyone.”

“But-” This time Ryan was the one to stop mid-sentence. After a second, he cautiously asked, “We’ll talk about it later? If you want? If we decide to stay in the same room again, that is.” A faint tinge of sour guilt made it’s return.

Feeling his own expression soften, Shane leaned forward, using his longer reach to span the gap between the beds and gently tap the comforter next to Ryan’s hip. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Bergara. It’ll take more than some Razzies-worthy reveals and awkward conversations to make me leave.”

Ryan’s small, relieved smile at that reassurance gained an edge of humor that Shane was so thankful to see that he felt pathetic. “You know, if you had turned out to be a demon, I could have threatened to exorcise you. Now I have to think of something more thematically appropriate.”

“Miracle Whip.

“Uh.”

“Yup. We’re allergic to it. Deathly.”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Haha. At least come up with something more realistic.”

Shane shrugged.

After barely a second, Ryan said, nearly indignant, “You’re making this up. No one is allergic to Miracle Whip.”

“Maybe,” Shane said pleasantly as he slid under the covers while touching as few things with his fingertips as possible. “You’ll never know,” he sing-songed. “You’ll question it for years.”

He could nearly hear Ryan struggling to come up with a reason why it was so obviously bullshit, then the man swore under his breath. “Son of a bitch.”

Shane grinned to himself, holding on hard to the feeling that things would turn out alright and hoping like hell he wasn’t deluding himself.

\-----------------------------------------------

Back when they had been planning for this trip, Shane had thought it would be fun. Grueling, sure, but fun. A week of travel, filming for three episodes, and dealing with Ryan’s increasingly tired ass had sounded like a good time. He had been looking forward to the inevitable end where everyone swore that they would never do that again.

Now he was just tired.

The strained silence in the van- where it was usually the comfortable silence of everyone paying more attention to their phones than the unexplained drama going on between the two cohosts- would have been bad enough. It only became worse when they had piled out of the vehicle at the second hotel and he had been cornered by TJ. The surprisingly intimidating man told him in no uncertain terms that the crew felt for him and Ryan and whatever was going on with them and the entire crew was all there for them but _keep it packed in until they were done filming_.

Which was fair, but he hated being called out like that. It made him feel like he was being scolded by his parents and TJ was barely a month older than him.

It was a small consolation that he could see Ryan hanging his head as Devon gently patted his arm, so at least he wasn’t the only one being given a talking to.

They both probably owed everyone a couple rounds of beer to make up for the past few days. It wasn’t like he could very well explain what was going on, but beer was a good alternative.

Too awkward and tired to explain that he and Ryan were more or less figuring things out as they went, Shane had merely nodded sheepishly and promised to act more professional. It irked that he had to, but he tried to be philosophical about the entire thing and let his annoyance pass.

The third house of their trip went smoother than the previous two had. This one was a lovely old thing with a sprawling design and delightful little accents that he enjoyed looking at. As long as he kept his hands firmly next to his body or on equipment that he already knew didn’t trigger any random flashbacks, he could even overlook the lingering flavors of guilt and anger that surrounded Ryan. And it was easy to convince himself that the vinegary fear was from the owner telling Ryan all about the many and varied hauntings that the grand old house boasted.

And he had his supplements, so he wasn’t walking his way through the house with his head in the clouds or feeling like he was going to pass out at any minute. Really, it was a marked improvement all around.

The introductory narration was being filmed in the glassed-in wooden porch because the large, dark windows at night would look appropriately spooky on camera. Though Shane’s first thought had been to wonder how cold the porch was in the winter with all those windows, because the lack of insulation would make the heating bills a bitch and then he wondered if he had started taking his ‘Midwestern upbringing’ a little too close to heart.

It was moments like that that always gave him pause. When exactly had he gone from analyzing his every reaction and word so that he would pass as human to internalizing the thoughts so thoroughly that he sometimes forgot who he really was?

Maybe human Shane Madej was starting to become who he was.

Was that why Ryan’s reactions hurt so much?

“-to answer the question; Are ghosts real?”

Shane shook his head, drug back into the present by the familiar tone and phrase. He dutifully paid attention to the introduction, replying as needed and gently ribbing Ryan when he needed to repeat the same line four times because he kept flubbing the original owner’s name.

“Florence Krajnc-” Ryan sighed and tried again. “The house was built by Florence Kra- Damn it. Those silent J’s, man. I keep trying to pronounce all the letters.”

Shane, who hadn’t seen the name written down but had plenty of experience dealing with names that were easy to get wrong, laughed softly. “You can’t escape us, we’re everywhere.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he thought about how it sounded.

Sure enough, there was a spike of vinegary fear followed by Ryan darting his gaze towards him, eyes going wide. Because of course Ryan would think ‘alien’ now instead of an innocent joke about last names.

And damn it, he was tired of that reaction.

Regardless of the cameras on him and the handful of other people in the room, he widened his eyes just far as Ryan had, then made wiggly gesture with his fingers. His only concession to being in front of people was to mouth the words, ‘Take me to your leader.’

Ryan stared at him for a moment to make out what he had said, then he started to giggle. He brought his hand up in an aborted attempt to stop his laugh, but when Shane said, out loud, “We come in peace,” his laughter turned into his trademark, gasping wheeze.

Shane already knew that Ryan’s laughing would make the final cut and he was proud of it. It was worth being so blatant to see the way Ryan was curled over as he tried to drag in air, and to taste the sweetness that surrounded him from the release of tension.

TJ graciously let them have their moment before calling their attention back to the fact that they had a job to do. Shane didn’t miss the faint flavor of relief from the entire crew and he couldn’t blame them. They usually ended up with hours of footage of the two of them just bullshitting at each other, and the last two shoots had been odd for the lack of it.

This time Ryan sailed right past pronouncing the woman’s name and Shane listened to the recitation of horrific facts about the house, from suicides to murders to tuberculosis victims dying in the dozens. It made him more sad than spooked, but he was an old hand at macabre humor by that point.

They did their walking around and their required torture session with the spirit box. It was so close to business as usual that Shane fell into the rhythm of it, able to worry more about angles and lighting and if Ryan was going to seriously think a creaking floorboard was evidence of ghouls than the recent drama.

It was so comfortable that for one moment he forgot to be afraid to touch anything. Without thinking twice, he slid his fingers over the top of a desk.

Nothing happened.

The varnish was cool against his skin and he snatched his hand back as soon as he realized what he was doing. He blinked down at the desk, momentarily ignoring whatever running commentary Ryan was making.

Faint hope stirred. The desk was obviously old. He wouldn’t have been surprised if it was original to the house. If anything was going to have those _echoes_ or whatever they were, it would be something like this, right? If those those two instances had been flukes, he would be incredibly relieved.

Holding his breath, Shane drew his fingertips back across the desk, tracing a whorl in the grain of the wood. It was smooth and-

_Her bones ached with every movement, but the sense of accomplishment she felt as she signed her name on the bottom of the paper more than made up for it. The will had been the last of it. She could rest easy knowing that her fortune was going to the right people. _

_Children’s laughter floating in through the open windows, adding music to the warm sun that shone on her age-spotted hands. She leaned back in her chair, her gaze roving around the comfortable room as she continued to listen to her grandchildren play outside. _

_So many memories in this house, for all that it had been built in her thirties. Wonderful memories, sad memories, painful memories. She treasured all of them. _

_Contentment so strong that it quieted the pain in her chest welled up, her smile curving her lips for the first time in weeks. It wouldn’t be long now, but she had no regrets. _

_Her life had been a good one._

This time Shane didn’t jerk out of it. He fell out of the memory easily, a steady drop back into himself.

“It’s tragic,” he said out loud, interrupting Ryan. Apparently no time had passed during his flash of a dead person’s life. His words came slow and steady as he swallowed mild sweetness, an aftertaste of cold, somehow floral molasses. “She loved this house. That so many died in its walls is sad.”

He knew Ryan was staring at him, but he continued to study the desk. There was a faint scratch along one corner and he knew it was the remnants of the original owner dropping a letter opener decades ago. Having that knowledge didn’t scare him. He felt oddly settled. More so than he had been in days.

Ryan stepped closer to him, lowering his voice in a whisper. Which was pointless, considering the mics. “Dude, what? Did you just- Uh. You know?”

Shane looked up, smiling softly at Ryan. He was aware of the odd silence in the room as the rest of the crew watched him, but it felt unimportant in the face of so much remembered love. “What?” He asked, letting out a faint breath of amusement at the look on Ryan’s face. “Can’t I be introspective?”

“Not on company time,” Ryan groused, but his shoulders relaxed. He straightened up and waved at everyone. “Okay, let’s get a few more extras of those hallways-”

Shane followed after the rest of them, his heart beating slow and steady in his side.

He still remembered to keep his hands to himself for the rest of the night.

\------------------

“You going to tell me what the desk thing was about?”

Shane opened his eyes to stare at the new hotel’s ceiling, letting out a thin breath through his nose. It wasn’t quite a sigh, but no matter how amused he was by his own annoyance, he was tired. Dead tired. His whole face felt bruised from how exhausted he was. “The worst thing about the smaller budget is that we can’t afford our own rooms like we had last year,” he mused out loud.

“Shut up,” Ryan huffed, the comforter rustling as he flung it back. “I’m too wound up to sleep and you owe me answers.”

“I do, do I?”

“Yes, Mr. Telepathic Alien, you do.”

Shane made a soft grunt of acknowledgement. He had hoped that an entire day of travel and then filming would have left Ryan too tired and strung out to want a conversation, but he should have known better. Ryan was damnably stubborn. Like a terrier with a bone when he thought he could get away with it.

“So today-”

“You’re giving me a Pavlovian response to hotel rooms, you know.” Shane raised one hand to gesture lazily around the room. “Could we save this for when we’re home?”

“No,” Ryan said decisively. There was still guilt under all the twitchy exhaustion. “I want to get all this shit worked through before I start worrying about moving in, because _that_ is what I’m going to be focused on when we get back.”

Shane choked on an inhale, saliva catching in his throat. He sat up as he coughed, his eyes watering while he stuttered out, “Wait, really? You still want to- You’re moving?”

Ryan leaned up, bracing himself on his elbow to look across the gap between the beds. “Uh, yeah?”

“With me?” Shane didn’t mean to sound so shocked, but he had assumed that had been off the table as soon as the Grays had handed him a bottle of pills.

“No, my other boyfriend- Of course you, idiot.”

Shane had no words. None at all. All he could do was watch Ryan, dumbstruck and feeling a warmth in his chest that was either indigestion or love.

Ryan’s eyebrows came together, his sudden worry and intensifying guilt giving the air a wash of sourness. “That’s still a thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Shane said instantly, the word gruff. “Yes, totally still a thing. I didn’t think you’d want to-”

“Wait,” Ryan exclaimed suddenly, sitting up. “You wanted to live together without ever telling me you’re an alien!” He pointed an accusatory finger at Shane, looking honestly shocked.

“You _know_ how thin these walls are.”

Ryan slid out of his bed and stomped over to Shane’s, even going so far as to put his fists on his hips. “You can’t move in with someone that you’re lying to about such a thing.”

Shane swallowed Ryan’s shock and raised an eyebrow. “You don’t really understand secrets, do you?”

“This is important!”

“So is not being vivisected.”

Ryan paused with his mouth open on a word, his expression becoming sullenly accepting before he muttered, “I guess.” The sudden worry that Shane knew was for him belied how much Ryan didn’t like the idea. Which he could appreciate, because he wasn’t a fan of the idea either.

“Humans aren’t particularly well known for being open-minded as a species.”

Grimacing, Ryan ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I guess that’s fair.”

His eyes were distant as he chewed absently on his bottom lip and Shane sighed, tasting an overwhelming flavor of citrus and knowing that Ryan’s mind was probably going a million miles a minute with all of his questions. And because he was thinking of everything he was curious about, the tangle of flavors that made up his emotions were quickly becoming too much for Shane to parse. Most of them tasted negative.

He knew the only way to assuage most of those emotions was to just bite the bullet and be truthful. “Alright, fine,” he said, giving in. “ Ask your questions. Do your worst.”

Ryan quirked a small, quick smile. “Alien sex.”

“Not nearly as fun as you’re imagining. That’s your worst? I expected better out of you, dude. Shock me.”

With a quiet laugh, Ryan slid under the comforter to join him, careful to keep his arm away from Shane’s and Shane bit back his sadness. It was for his own benefit as much as Ryan’s nerves. “You’re an alien.” It wasn’t quite a question, but it wasn’t a full statement, either.

Rolling his eyes, Shane said, “Technically.”

Ryan made an annoyed noise, but didn’t question that again. “And there’s others out there?”

“You saw the Grays, you know there is.”

“And you don’t look like that, right?”

Shane narrowed his eyes. “How dare you, sir.”

Ryan’s expression lit up in sudden humor. “Oh my God, do you?”

“_No_.”

“You said you don’t have hair-”

“I have hair, my people-”

“And what is with that? Why do you have hair? And not nails? Aren’t they made of the same thing?”

Shane interrupted before Ryan’s flood of questions could overwhelm him. “I’m half human,” he gestured towards himself as he said it.

Ryan moved forward in his excitement, the buzz of exhausted energy tasting weirdly acidic against the back of Shane’s teeth. “Whoa, really? Does that mean one of your parents is human? Who boned an alien?” Then he wrinkled his nose in an exaggerated wince.

Before he could apologize, Shane flicked his fingertips against Ryan’s chest, forgetting for one second that he wasn’t supposed to touch. “You did, for one thing. But I was more or less made in a lab.”

“You’re a test tube baby?” Ryan snorted, his interest and his humor mixing together into one of Shane’s favorite flavors. Sweet and herbal and one he hadn’t tasted so strongly in far too long. “That makes so much sense.”

“More or less,” Shane repeated. “Human DNA spliced into a mix of my parent’s DNA. We have the technology to change a lot of traits, but it can get a little weird. Which is why I have hair but not nails.”

“Why? Why go to the trouble to do that?”

Partly because they could, but that was an entire philosophical conundrum that was at the center of why his parent’s group of refugees had originally left their home planet, and he was too tired to get into that. “Because we hope that eventually humans will more readily accept us if we look like them.”

Ryan’s eyes fell as he thought that over, his expression growing… Melancholy? Whatever it was, Shane didn’t like the taste of it.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, pressing his head into the pillow like he was trying to hide from Shane’s eyes. “My own reaction kind of proved how shitty we are, didn’t it? And I didn’t even see you, as… Uh. The real you?”

Shane nibbled his lip between his teeth, then thought ‘fuck it’ and brought his hand up to Ryan’s neck, cupping his palm along smooth, warm skin. He braced himself for thoughts that weren't his own or a foreign memory that he would be forced to live.

Neither happened.

The guilt and curiosity Ryan was feeling abruptly filled his mouth like he had taken a drink of liquid emotion, sour and orange and lemon, and he thought he had an inkling about what physical touch now did. But the sudden intensity wasn’t terrible, and he thought he could grow used to it. As long as he wasn’t hearing Ryan’s actual thoughts.

Ryan was watching him with wide eyes that were dark in the dimness of the room. “Is… Is anything happening?”

“You just taste like a lot right now,” Shane said, sighing his relief. He swept his thumb along the edge of Ryan’s jaw, thankful that he could do so. “No mind-reading for me, it looks like.”

Closing his eyes, Ryan muttered, “Oh thank God. No one needs to see the mess I’ve got going on in here.”

Shane pressed his fingers a little harder into Ryan’s neck, trying to convey some sense of understanding and comfort. The faint acid of fear grew stronger, though he got the feeling Ryan wasn’t any more scared than he had been, he was just noticing it more now. “What’re you afraid of, Ry-guy?”

Of course, Shane knew in general what Ryan was afraid of, but he wanted to know what the current culprit was.

“And that’s still going to be annoying and creepy.” Ryan sighed and opened his eyes, though he didn’t meet Shane’s gaze. “It’s stupid, but, uh… Abduction?”

Ah.

Not surprising, considering.

“Not me, right?”

Ryan scowled. “I’d kick your ass.”

Shane snorted.

“No, those little gray guys. They looked just like all those abduction stories say and-”

“They won’t come for you,” Shane interrupted. He slid his upper half across the bed to rest his forehead on Ryan’s. “They know you’re with me, they won’t touch you.”

“So they do abduct people!”

“Technically, but maybe three people a year, most of those stories are made up-”

“That doesn’t make it better!”

“Ryan,” Shane said, not a fan of the vinegar in his throat. “I agree with you. It’s shitty and they shouldn’t do it. But you’re safe, okay?”

Ryan curled forward until his head was under Shane’s chin, his following silence something that Shane didn’t feel like he could disturb. He just wiggled around until he could more comfortably tuck Ryan against himself.

He couldn’t even blame Ryan for all of his fear. He didn’t like those guys, either.

“I keep having nightmares about them,” Ryan said, stressed and muffled. “Whenever I do get sleep. Even that nap in the van. It’s always bright lights and being lost in endless round hallways. Or being strapped to a metal table. Trying to scream but every sound is deadened and mute. And they smelled _terrible_. Every time I wake up, all I can smell is piss and cinnamon.”

Shane rested his hand on the back of Ryan’s head, listening silently. He tasted a twist of his own guilt that he had been so preoccupied with his drama that he hadn’t even known that Ryan had been having nightmares.

“You promise you don’t look- That you aren’t like them?”

The question was so quiet that Shane thought maybe he wasn’t really supposed to have heard it. But he answered anyways, gently wrapping his fingers in Ryan’s hair. “I’m like twice their height.”

Ryan snorted tiredly. “You’re not that tall.”

Shane smiled, smoothing the tangles he had created. “No, Ryan. I promise I’m nothing like them.”

After awhile, Ryan took a deep breath. It was clear he wanted to change the subject. Which was surprising, because Shane had expected a series of follow-up questions, but maybe Ryan didn’t want to think about it anymore. “So you can do things?” It was an abrupt topic change, but Shane allowed it.

“You’re gonna need to elaborate on ‘things’.”

“You know,” Ryan muttered. “Not human shit.”

“No, the shit is pretty much the same.”

The following stunned silence was something that made Shane grin to himself. Ryan’s humor bubbled up from under the depths of all of his tangled emotions, popping sweet on Shane’s tongue. The man choked on his sudden laugh, spluttering Shane’s name and pressing his wheezing against Shane’s chest.

“No, no,” Ryan managed to gasp, curling forward onto his side in his laughter, his legs nudging against Shane’s thigh.

He couldn’t feel the warmth of the simple touch through the various layers and Shane had the wild realization that he was so thankful he couldn’t read Ryan’s mind. Losing out on physical contact would have been torture.

“No,” Ryan repeated, pushing Shane onto his back and resting his weight on top of him, grinning wide and flushed from the release of tension. “I never wanted to think about that.”

“Some kind of wacko conspiracy theorist you are.”

Ryan shook his head, his smile falling to something more apprehensive. Sweet to the prickle of vinegar. His eyes flitted across Shane’s face, down the length of his body, and back up again. Like he was searching for something. He started to ask something, then obviously changed it halfway through. “What do I- What did you do at the shoot? With the desk?”

Shane shrugged, because while the implications were still horrible, that particular memory he had stumbled across had been relatively peaceful. “Felt the original owner’s last minutes. She really did love that house.”

Head tilted to the side in thought, Ryan slowly asked, “You do know that’s kind of cool, right?”

“Do I really have to remind me that I lived through a woman being hunted by her husband?”

Ryan winced. “Okay, so maybe that wasn’t very cool.”

“No, oddly, not really.”

Shane shifted, tilting to the side so that Ryan’s weight rested more comfortably against his hip. He nearly missed the way Ryan’s emotions spiked back into nervousness.

“Hey, Shane?”

“Hmm?”

Ryan looked away, then back towards him, then away again.

“Spit it out, Bergara.”

Muttering a swear, Ryan finally seriously and genuinely asked the one question Shane had been dreading the most.

“What do you look like?”

It was a normal question. Anyone would have asked it. Shane knew that. Hell, Ryan had already asked it. But he wasn’t ready to answer. He definitely wasn’t ready to show everything. “I don’t think you could handle that, Ryan.”

“I thought you said you don’t have tentacles?”

“Heh,” Shane let out a quick huff of breath, amused despite himself. “It’d probably be easier if I looked like some bad 70’s special effect, but no. I just look like a weird human.”

“Well now I really want to know,” Ryan said. He was teasing, but there was truth there.

“I don’t think I want you to know,” Shane admitted after a moment of expectant silence, forcing the truth out.

With his fingers slipped under Ryan’s shirt- an instinctive move that he didn’t remember doing- he could taste Ryan’s guilt dripping thick and fast. Ryan’s expressive face grew downcast as he looked way, something uncomfortably close to tears making his eyes shine.

“I understand,” Ryan whispered after a strained silence, resting his head back down on Shane’s chest. “I really fucked that up, didn’t I?”

Yes, but Shane didn’t say that. He’d had his fill of guilt. “I’d need my watch,” he said, not bothering to reach for it or to explain. “But here, if you-” He struggled to sit up a little, urging Ryan to sit up as well. “Look at my eyes.”

Ryan raised his head, confusion clear. “What, are you going to hypnotize me? And why do you need your watch?”

“The hologram glitches a little when I use my second set of eyelids,” Shane explained, pushing away all feelings of self-consciousness when Ryan instantly leaned forward, peering at him. “If I keep doing it, it might-”

He blinked as rapidly as he could, though it felt odd. The second set were more like a thin membrane than actual eyelids, an evolutionary trait born from a planet that was half desert and sand. They weren’t designed for constant blinking, but he did it anyways.

Ryan tilted his head in concentration, his eyes trained on him with an intensity that was oddly intimidating but also made Shane’s heart beat faster. He wasn’t sure what to do with his own reaction, so he just continued to blink.

“Ah, wait, holy shit,” Ryan whispered, leaning so close that Shane went cross-eyed for a second. “It’s like a- a missing frame in a video? I have no idea how to process this, your eyes look like two things at once. They go black for a second.”

And Shane winced. “Oh,” he muttered, hunching down and looking away. He stopped blinking because it felt weird, now. “Forgot about that.”

“About what?”

“Uh,” Shane sighed, then laughed. “My eyes are black. Completely black. Yes, I know how that sounds.”

Ryan let out an incredulous, half-strangled laugh. “Wait, seriously? Like a demon?”

Shane groaned. “Yes, Ryan, like a demon.”

“Oh my God,” Ryan whispered, obviously delighted. He started to say something, then his expression fell, the sourness of guilt becoming overwhelming. Only to soon be replaced by stubborn oniony determination.

Which was _not_ the flavor to have in his mouth when Ryan suddenly surged forward and kissed him.

Shane made a muffled, surprised noise against Ryan’s lips, and Ryan stopped just long enough to say, vehemently, “I don’t care what you look like.”

It would have been so easy to dispute that. To go ahead and reach for his watch and tap out the commands that would stop the hologram. To show Ryan that he shouldn’t make promises that he couldn’t keep.

But when it came down to it, Shane was greedy. He wanted Ryan’s touch. He wanted Ryan’s love. He even wanted the kissing and the intimacy of sex, despite it doing nothing for him the majority of the time.

And he would take it all while Ryan was still willing to give it.

He brought his hand up to the back of Ryan’s head, cradling his skull in his palm and directing him back down for a better, longer kiss. Ryan’s tiredness was making his emotions sluggish and thick, but the hot bite of pepper made an appearance in quick order and Shane focused on that. Tired lust was better than fear or guilt or anger and he drew his other hand up Ryan’s back, pressing hard along each knob and ridge of spine just to flatten Ryan closer.

Ryan’s tongue teased along the seam of his mouth and he opened readily, eager to share something that wasn’t heavy topics and revelations. Hell, he was more than willing to suck Ryan off again if it meant that they could fall asleep in a comfortable tangle.

He pulled Ryan’s lower lip in between his teeth, nipping lightly and grinning when Ryan moaned. The kiss had become heated quickly, but Ryan seemed completely on board with it, judging by the way he had spread himself out along Shane’s body, his legs straddling across Shane’s stomach.

Shane drew his hand back down Ryan’s spine to grab his ass, squeezing and kneading and laughing out loud when Ryan grumbled against his mouth.

“You’re a fuckin’ cocktease,” Ryan whispered, his breath hot and harsh. “Just my luck I had to get the sexy as fuck asexual alien.”

Something about those combination of words made Shane shiver. Oddly, there was none of the occasional guilt that came from his usual lack of interest. “Hey,” he laughed, tugging lightly at Ryan’s hair. “You’re the one who is rarin’ to go after maybe two minutes of making out, I've barely done anything."

Ryan groaned again, his hips pressing down, the heat and weight of his erection already filling out against Shane’s stomach. “Can I interest you in a hand job?”

“I’ll let you fuck my mouth if you’ll let me actually _sleep_.”

Damn near growling, Ryan crushed his mouth against Shane, all of the tension of the last couple of days translating into a burst of spice and a bruising grip on Shane’s arms. The contact between bare skin made the arousal spark and race down Shane’s throat, his body suddenly flush with Ryan’s need.

Ryan sat up, all of his weight pressing down on Shane’s cock. Usually that didn’t register, but for once Shane thought it felt kind of… Good.

“I’m not going to lie,” Ryan said, his sudden daring zinging across Shane’s tongue. “The fact that you’re an alien is kind of making this really hot.”

He peered at Shane, posed on the edge between humor and worry and lust, probably half expecting Shane to find it offensive.

But all Shane could do was laugh, throwing his head back against the pillow and settling his hands on Ryan’s hips. “Of-fucking-course you’d think that. I’ve been approaching this all wrong. I should have told you in the middle of sex.”

Ryan raised both hands in a weighing motion, shrugging good naturedly. “I’m not saying it would have worked, but I’m not saying it wouldn’t have, either.”

Shane snorted, hooking his fingers in the waist of Ryan’s sweats and pulling them down till Ryan’s cock was free. It wasn’t entirely hard, but well on the way and he rubbed his thumb through the curls of hair at the base before lightly wrapping his hand around it, winking at Ryan teasingly. “You’re crazy, Bergara.”

God, it was so nice to have fun again.

Ryan practically wriggled on top of him, pushing into the drag of his hand. It was a dry affair, but Ryan didn’t seem to be complaining. He was too polite to just grab Shane’s hand for something tighter or fuck his mouth without a how-do-you-do, but it was clear he wanted more. “I’m in bed with _you_, I think I passed crazy awhile ago.”

It was the kind of mean, teasing remark that Shane had actually missed, because he could hear and taste the love in it. He smiled dopily up at Ryan, happier than he had been in some time.

Then Ryan seemed to squirm, his confusion sparking through the lust. He rocked back and forth and then asked, somewhat incredulous and pleased, “Are you hard?”

Shane started to deny it, but when he tilted his hips he realized that yes, yes he was. “That doesn’t make sense,” he wondered out loud. He let go of Ryan’s dick, ignoring the man’s frown to count backward in his head. “Huh,” he said as soon as he realized what was going on. “A little early, but I must have hit my cycle.”

“Uh… “

Snickering at Ryan’s expression, Shane said, “What? The species has to procreate somehow,” as if he hadn’t returned his grip to Ryan’s cock. “It’s just always the same month. Sorta. Month as compared to Theemin’s time values.”

“Shit, wha- What?” Ryan stuttered, curling forward to press his hands on Shane’s shoulders. His mouth was open on a ragged exhale, the back of Shane’s throat flooded with spice and bright lemon. “You can’t just give me a handjob while dropping alien sex info. I thought you said it isn’t interesting!”

“Would you like me to stop?” Shane asked wryly, slowing his already languid stroking. “Should I go make a PowerPoint presentation?”

“Shane, I swear to God-”

Smiling innocently, Shane squeezed tighter, grin going wide when Ryan’s glare faltered into a moan and literal fluttering eyelashes. He lifted his other hand, palm flat and tilted in insolent apology. “Don’t worry about it now. You’ll get to have fun next month, though.”

“What does that even _mean_?”

Shane just laughed, loving nothing more than a riled-up Ryan.

Maybe this whole disaster could end up working out.

_Famous last words_, he thought before rolling Ryan onto his back and making sure his mouth was too busy to answer any more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep on keepin' on
> 
> Thank you for your continued support and presence <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check those updated tags, y'all

“Hey, mom.”

“So you do know how to use your communicator.”

Shane closed his eyes briefly and let out a small sigh. “It’s been a busy few days.”

His mother’s expression rarely changed, but the slight uptick of her eyebrow was enough to make him cringe. “And you couldn’t text? I have to learn how to text on a _phone_ for you and your brother and then you can’t even do that much.”

“Mom-”

“After I had to deal with a stressed out human boyfriend that wanted to take you to a hospital? Where their doctors would have filled you with the wrong kind of IVs and injections?”

Shane had to keep his hands pressed to his sides before he tried to raise them. He did feel bad, but he thought she was laying the guilt on a little thick. “I’m sorry,” he said out loud, dropping his gaze. “There’s been a lot going on.”

His mother made a noise that he rarely heard anymore. A low, clicking hum in the back of the throat that even he couldn’t do, a sound that had always made him cringe, because it meant he had really disappointed her. “We were _worried_, Shane. The only reason I didn’t come get you myself was because your implant said you were fine.”

Fuck, that would have been a disaster. Not to mention embarrassing. “I’m fine,” he was quick to say. “Physically,” he made himself add. “I think?”

“You think? Shane, if I have to deal with another call from Ryan because you passed out-”

“I might be telepathic now.”

His mother blinked at him.

Shane ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the bumps on top of his head. “So Ryan saw the Grays-

“What?!”

“-And when I touched him I actually did pass out from his fear-”

“I swear to every ancestor in our bloodline, if your human is about to make a video about you as an alien-”

Shane cut his hand through the air, a harsh movement that shocked his mom into silence, it was so rude. “No, it’s fine. He knows now, he doesn’t mind, and that’s not why I called.”

His mother closed her eyes, no doubt taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, her face was once again placid. Not that Shane didn’t think he wouldn’t hear about all of his mistakes later. “Why did you call?”

The sound of his shower shutting off made instinctive adrenaline beat through his body. For one moment, all he could think about was how stupid he had been to use the communicator while Ryan was still there, that his conversation would be overheard, that Ryan would figure it all out.

Except there was no point in being afraid, right? Ryan already knew.

Did that mean he wanted Ryan to see their technology, though?

“I’ve been having… flashbacks,” Shane said, slow in his answer, unsure how to proceed. Saying it outloud sounded crazy. “When I touch something that was touched by a human experiencing strong emotions. I relive that moment.”

Thankfully, his mother didn’t question him like he would have if he had heard such an insane statement. She merely leaned forward, indicating he should continue.

“Do you know if there’s ever been anything like this that has happened before?” He was hoping like hell she would say yes. He really didn’t want to be any more unique than he already was. “One of our people reacting to humans like this?”

Tilting her head a small degree, his mother said, “Not that I know of. You see it or you relive it?”

Shane heard the bathroom door open and he made the split second decision to keep talking to his mother. His cheeks heated as footsteps started and then stopped, and he knew that Ryan was probably standing in the hallway, listening to him speak a language that was far removed from anything on Earth.

“Relive.” His tone turned downright plaintive and child-like. But if there was anyone he could whine to, it was his mother. “It’s like I am that person in that moment. I lose all sense of myself. I hate it.”

His mother furrowed her brow, giving him a confused look that she had learned from living on Earth for so long. He refused to look away, even though his face was slowly getting hot enough that the hologram that covered him was probably reflecting his blush.

So _maybe_ he had exaggerated a few of the more ‘alien’ sounds. So what? He enjoyed performing, he liked to show off.

“How often has this happened?”

“Four.”

Airplanes were now even more of a hell than they had been. He hadn’t known that toddlers could become that afraid. He had also vowed to never touch the in-flight magazines ever again.

“I’ll ask some of the doctors that worked on your DNA,” his mother said. “You may need to visit for some tests-” Her eyes widened as she saw Ryan over his shoulder.

The taste of Ryan’s curiosity, fascination, and faint, lingering fear filled Shane’s mouth with herbs, sugary lemon, a wash of vinegar, and… Was that a hint of pepper?

Well, well, well, that was good to know.

“Shane?” Ryan asked softly “Is that-”

“Heh. Uh, mom?” Shane said in English, turning so that he could see both Ryan and his mother. At least Ryan had put a shirt on. “So when I said Ryan knew…”

“Ryan,” his mother said in greeting. It probably looked like a calm reply to a human, but Shane could read both her alarm and her exasperation. “You sure you’re willing to put up with my son?”

Ryan let out a surprised noise. He obviously hadn’t expected that line of questioning.

And neither had Shane.

“Um, yes, ma’am. I’ve known him this long, I figure a few more decades will be easy.”

Shane refused to process that statement, because if he did, he would never stop smiling.

“Even though you know the truth now?”

“Hey, look at the time, we should go eat dinner,” Shane interrupted, touching a few commands on his watch. He wanted to know the answer but he also didn’t need his mother grilling his boyfriend via alien tech.

That seemed like the kind of thing that should happen during a Thanksgiving visit.

“Don’t think you’re getting off this easily,” his mother warned him, a slight smile curving her mouth.

“Bye Mom, love you!,” Shane said quickly, hitting the last command. Her image blinked out and he turned to face Ryan fully. “So, take out?”

Ryan completely ignored the question. “That was a 3D hologram. And you weren’t speaking English.”

Shane couldn’t help his smirk. “Yes and yes.”

“Shane,” Ryan said in a low, serious tone, stepping forward until he was right in Shane’s space. “That was a _3D hologram_.”

Grin growing bigger, Shane brought his arm up to rest it on Ryan’s shoulder, hand curving around to comb his fingers through still damp hair. “Impressed?”

“I’m suddenly on board for this alien thing." Ryan absently tilted his head into the caress. “Your mom looked like she was right there! I know we have people playing around with it, but that was so life-like. Think of the movies!”

“I don’t know, there’s something rather quaint and charming about a flat screen-”

Ryan wasn’t even listening to him. He was too busy staring off into nothing, his expression awed. It wasn’t an act, because all Shane could taste was the growing fizz of excitement. “Oh my God. Think of Paddington.”

Shane laughed quietly, overcome by the fondness he felt for the man. He pulled Ryan forward into a loose hold because he suddenly craved the closeness. “Think of the Saw movies.”

“Jesus,” Ryan whispered into his shoulder. “Okay, first off, don’t put my boy and the Saw movies together. I love you, but I don’t love you that much.”

He couldn’t help his smile from softening. The air was filled with the smell of the shampoo Ryan had stolen from him, and the gentle, sweet taste of contentment mixed with the popping bubbles of Ryan’s racing thoughts. It was relaxing. “Maybe we can do a movie night.”

Ryan quietly hissed ‘yes’ and fist-pumped like he had won some kind of concession. Then he pulled back from the hug just enough to meet Shane’s eyes. “Did you ask your mom about the postcognition?”

Shane shook his head, amused despite himself. “I’m not calling it that.”

“It’s faster than ‘weird telepathy thing.’

True, but he wasn’t going to give in that easily. “I did ask her. She said she’d ask around.”

Ryan nodded, his fingers sliding up Shane’s sides, an absent pattern of touch. “That’s good.” His lips curled in a lopsided smile. “I can’t believe I just accepted that your alien mother is going to ask other aliens about your ability to see into the past, because you should only be empathic, not telepathic.”

Shane swallowed against his own trickle of worry at the words. “Not too much for you?”

“Please, I’m living a CW show right now,” Ryan muttered, his teasing sugary. He rose up on his toes to kiss Shane. It was a quick kiss, one that didn’t ask for more than contact and a gesture of care.

Shane turned his head into it, chasing after Ryan’s lips when he started to draw back.

Ryan made a faint, surprised noise, then he reached up to pull Shane’s head down, obviously more than happy with turning the kiss into something heated.

And Shane didn't question his own urge. This was the first time in years that he was with a partner during the beginning of his cycle, and he was going to enjoy it. He felt selfish, but experiencing his own physical pleasure was not something he took for granted the way most of humanity did.

He slid his hand down the back of Ryan’s sweats, getting a palmful of ass cheek and squeezing once. Ryan made a noise against his lips, surprised and pleased. He rarely grabbed anything, let alone more than playfully, and he had probably never properly groped Ryan before. Not that he could remember.

It was a snug fit under Ryan’s tight briefs and his fingers slipped smooth over firm flesh. Though it wasn’t as firm as Ryan’s biceps and Shane didn’t give a shit, but he loved to tease Ryan too much to not say anything. “Someone’s been skipping leg day,” he whispered, pulling back just enough to watch Ryan’s expression.

He wasn’t disappointed.

Ryan’s features twisted into what could only be a pout, though his emotions held no offense. “Fuck you, I hate leg exercises.”

Shane merely hummed his agreement, his amusement brief as he turned his attention back to touching Ryan. He kissed along Ryan’s jawline, pressing his nose against the soft skin in front of Ryan’s ear and pausing a moment just to enjoy being so close.

Twisting his head to allow easier access, Ryan’s mutter was faint, like he was having a hard time breathing. Everything tasted like budding excitement. “I thought we were going to eat dinner.”

“Well, how thorough were you with your shower?”

It took a second for Ryan to get it, then his mouth went slack in surprise. Shane’s grin was as much from the tangle of surprise, amusement, and quick, guilty interest as it was from Ryan’s expression.

“_Shane_,” Ryan hissed, his answering grin scandalized as he obviously decided to think it was only a joke.

They were already close, but Shane took a half-step forward, crowding into Ryan. “I’m serious,” he said, his voice low and husky in a way it never was. He drew his hands up Ryan’s back, appreciating the shift of muscles. The lust he so rarely felt was stirring warm and languid at the base of his spine, filtering through his body. “In the next three weeks I want to do _everything_ to you. For you.”

Ryan’s breath escaped in him a huff that was nearly nervous. The air was thick with his sudden, very real interest. “Wow, big guy, what got into you?” He leaned into the touch at his back, clear that he wasn’t actually all that taken aback.

Shane nuzzled down Ryan’s neck. “We get pretty damn horny once a year,” he said simply, giving in to the urge to lick the warm skin under his mouth.

Hot spice gained an edge of lemon. “You never actually explained that-”

Ryan’s sentence ended in a hitched gasp when Shane pinched flesh between his teeth. He soothed the spot with a lingering kiss before he answered. “For about twenty days I want to fuck or be fucked. For maybe five, it’s all I can think about. Like I said, the species has to procreate somehow.”

“I was half expecting you split into clones,” Ryan muttered, grabbing onto Shane’s upper arms like he needed to support himself. “Or eggs or something. Fucking sounds so… normal.”

“Were you hoping for a scene from Alien?”

“More like a lot of slime. Nickelodeon levels of slime.”

Shane couldn’t help his snort of laughter against Ryan’s neck. He finally straightened because his back was starting to hurt and he craned his head to look down into wide eyes that had grown dark. He wasn’t surprised by the faintest flavor of herbs. He was being _studied_.

Which he honestly didn’t have a problem with, but all the same- “Are you going to be disappointed by the boring insert Tab A into Slot B?”

It was a joke.

It was mostly a joke.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t really a joke.

“Nothing to write home about, really,” he added, starting to ramble and surprised to realize that he was suddenly nervous. Now that the prospect of actual sex was looming, he was struck by the idea that it wouldn’t be good enough for Ryan. It was making the previous simmer of arousal fall away, which was a shame. “I suppose I could try to make it interesting-

“Shane,” Ryan said seriously. “I have never found the inserting of tabs to be boring.”

Shane laughed, but continued, “Toys wouldn’t be hard to acquire. Or roleplaying?”

Ryan’s expression became distracted. “What, like cops and robbers?”

“No, obviously. You could be the intrepid starship captain seducing the alien.”

“It...it’s really weird that you’re so blase about all the stupid shit in media about aliens.”

Shrugging, Shane chose not to answer, keeping his mouth shut in an attempt to stop the babbling.

“....I _could_ be a younger, hipper Kirk.” Ryan shook his head, his hands squeezing in what Shane was embarrassed to realize was reassurance. “Shane, seriously, don’t be dumb. You’re telling me you want to have sex and then asking if I’m going to be bored?”

For once, Shane decided to take that at face value, pushing away all the insecurities that had risen up in the last few minutes. Besides, Ryan’s arousal was still a bite of pepper under everything, so he knew the guy wasn’t lying. “Well, then,” he said brightly, tilting his head at a coquettish angle. “Wanna fuck me?”

And that was a rather strong burst of spice.

Shane snorted before Ryan could answer out loud. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Ryan’s response was to surge forward and kiss him hard, strong fingers wrapping around the back of his neck to pull him down. Shane went willingly, opening his mouth as all of his arousal came rushing back. It wasn’t usually so strong this early on, but he wasn’t going to question it. Not when Ryan’s tongue was pushing against his and the taste of it was reinforcing the flavors of Ryan’s emotions.

If he stopped to think about what he was experiencing, he would have been overwhelmed by the pure depth of Ryan’s feelings for him.

Instead, he focused on the hand on his neck and the way Ryan was pressing him backward, pushing him towards the bedroom. Which was a clever idea. He would have told Ryan that, but every time he tried to pull his mouth away, Ryan chased after him hungrily.

And really, he wasn’t going to argue with that level of interest.

\------------------------------

This wasn’t the first time they had made out in the hallway or against the wall or stumbled their way into the bedroom to trip into the bed. But it was the first time Shane had been just as eager as Ryan, an uncharacteristic fumble in his movements as he worked to pull his shirt off and unbutton his pants, leaving them half on because Ryan had already pushed him flat to the mattress and was biting bruising kisses down his stomach.

It was clear that Ryan wasn’t going to waste his opportunity to touch as much as he wanted to.

“I’m never going to get used to seeing body hair and not feeling it,” Ryan muttered against the arch of Shane’s hip bone, skittering his fingertips across the line of hair that wasn’t actually there on Shane’s stomach. “You can’t tell me no one has ever noticed it.”

Shane’s belly jumped at the feeling, most of his focus on the damp heat of Ryan’s breath than what he was saying. “I tell people I’m too ticklish to be touched in most places.” He looked down the length of his body, watching Ryan’s reddened mouth smear across his skin. “If you keep going you’ll find some other stuff missing.”

Ryan paused, blinking up at him. The flavor of lemon came back, and Shane could only laugh at his accidental admission. It was always hard to deny Ryan, but it was even worse when he was looking at him like this, with his hair mussed and his eyes simultaneously dark with want and bright with curiosity. “What does that mean? There’s not much down here other than, like, a dick and balls-”

“Belly button,” Shane interrupted, abrupt nerves crawling up his spine. It was one thing to say that he wasn’t human, but it was another to have evidence that wasn’t just fancy tech. And if Ryan couldn’t handle the lack of a belly button, he definitely couldn’t handle the rest.

He wasn’t sure if he should have been flattered or disturbed at how quickly and eagerly Ryan sat to sweeping his fingertips across the space at the center of his stomach. Ryan’s expression grew downright dumbfounded as he started petting where the hologram showed a plain, small, innie belly button. After a moment, he closed his eyes, obviously focusing only on touch. “What the fuck,” Ryan breathed. “This is so weird.” He opened one eye in a confused squint. “Is it because you’re, like, essentially half human?”

Shane shook his head, trying not squirm restlessly against Ryan’s weight. The man’s emotions didn’t seem negative, but he wasn’t sure if he entirely trusted that. “We don’t- It’s a different, uh, type of gestation? No umbilical cord.”

Ryan opened both eyes, leaning down to press a surprisingly gentle kiss to the ‘belly button’. The softness of the gesture nearly made Shane miss Ryan’s amused breath. “God, yeah, talk sexy alien physiology to me.”

How could Ryan say that while most of his blood wasn’t in his brain and not say February even at his most coherent.

Okay, that was a thought for another time.

“Apparently I really should have made that PowerPoint.”

Squeezing his side in warning, Ryan shimmied farther down, hooking his fingers in Shane’s boxers to pull them down. He literally licked his lips as soon as Shane’s cock was free, laying half-hard and dripping. Which prompted both a bolt of heat and a snarky comment, but before Shane could get the words out, Ryan looked up at him and asked, as innocently teasing as the situation could warrant, “Anything else I should know about?”

“Balls,” Shane blurted, because it was better to get it over with.

Ryan stared at him, uncomprehending. “What?”

Shane took a deep breath, trying to appear more calm than he was. He was already braced for the jokes, maybe was looking forward to them, but he really hoped there wouldn’t be disgust. “That little bit of anatomy is internal. I’m getting you a diagram.”

“Wait, wait, you don’t-”

Any nervousness that Ryan might have had was completely gone as he pushed his hand between Shane’s legs, his incredulity tasting weird against the backdrop of citrus and pepper. Shane was torn between the need to twist away from the touch, born from multiple occasions of keeping his partners away from exploring the area too thoroughly, and spreading his legs wider to give Ryan better access.

He chose the latter, because fuck it, the pads of Ryan’s fingers smoothing over soft, sensitive skin still felt damn good, even if he was missing a couple bits and bobs.

“Oh my God,” Ryan muttered to himself. He closed his eyes again to block out the sight of the hologram, his fingers firm as they pressed and explored and Shane didn’t hold back his quiet, needy exhale when Ryan’s knuckles brushed the underside of his dick.

The sound was enough to remind Ryan that they were supposed to be doing something else. He looked up, his curiosity bright and refreshingly sweet on Shane’s tongue. So at least he wasn’t grossed out. “This is weird because it’s not actually all that weird,” he said, somewhat cheekily. “Not nearly as cool as it could have been.”

“See, I told you-”

“The lack of a belly button is actually weirder,” Ryan informed him. Then he braced one hand on Shane’s thigh and leaned down with very clear intent. There was a buzz of adrenaline along Shane’s teeth, a taste that wasn’t entirely sexual, a kind of worry that he couldn’t parse.

Ryan wrapped his hand around the base of Shane’s cock, his attitude of self-assurance both real and off, somehow. Like he was nervous. He hesitated with his mouth barely touching the tip and Shane was going to say something about that kind of teasing, but Ryan beat him to it. All in one quick breath, he peered up the length of Shane’s body to mutter, “So I’ve never actually done this before.”

Before Shane could entirely understand the implications of that, Ryan had his mouth around as much of Shane’s cock as he could take, his tongue warm and wet and an insistent press. He sucked, somewhat clumsily, his teeth not a problem but a definite presence.

Shane could do nothing but curl forward and slide his fingers through Ryan’s hair, realizing that Ryan had jumped right in without saying anything or stopping to talk this through and he wasn’t really surprised. The thought that Ryan had never had another cock in his mouth was going a long ways towards making up for the lack of coordination. And it couldn’t be said that Ryan wasn’t enthusiastic.

His lashes lay dark against his cheeks as he concentrated on trying to take more than he could, his arousal dripping hot down Shane’s throat. The taste was nearly as good as the actual feeling of wetness and heat and the soft firmness of Ryan’s tongue. Shane could only breathe for a long moment, concentrating on not moving, on not fucking into Ryan’s throat or pushing his head farther down. He wasn’t really into that sort of roughness, but when his cycle was on him, it was hard to convince his body of that.

Ryan made a noise that was almost pained, his jaw tense as he tried to hold his teeth apart, saliva running a slick path down the corners of his mouth and Shane was going to die happy with that image in his head for the rest of his life. “Don’t choke yourself.” His words were breathless and soft and did nothing to hide how enamored he was.

Nearly glaring at him, Ryan pulled back, panting as he worked his jaw. “You don’t need to look so smug.” He already sounded wrecked and hoarse and Shane shivered. If only he could fit into the tight channel of Ryan’s throat, would he be able to fuck Ryan voiceless and okay, he really needed to calm those thoughts down.

It was a little disturbing how quickly his mind had jumped to such extremes.

“I think I do, I have you sucking me off.” Shane said, raising his eyebrows.

Ryan snorted, growing flushed. His emotions held only the bite of pepper and the faintest thread of sweetness now. “Shut up.”

And then it was more suction and wetness, drool running down the length of his cock, cool in the air and a contrast to the heat of Ryan’s mouth. Shane didn’t hold back his strained breathing or his huffed moans, though he had never been a loud lover.

For Ryan, he could try, though. He knew that Ryan liked to hear him.

Maybe he’d like to hear more than just groans.

He could feel the tensing and untensing of the muscles along Ryan’s cheek against the heel of his palm, could taste the beginning tang of stubborn determination. Ryan could be single-minded in getting what he wanted, and if he had taken Shane’s words as a challenge, he wouldn’t stop until he had gotten Shane off this way.

But while Shane would enjoy that, he _had_ said Ryan could fuck him. And he wasn’t yet at the point where his refractory period was near instant. It was greedy of him, but he really wanted to come on Ryan’s cock.

“Your mouth feels so good,” he whispered. It was easy to let his voice drop low, to husk out the words. He knew he wasn’t the best at dirty talk, but the faint noise in the back of Ryan’s throat and the surge of sugary sweetness was enough to tell him that Ryan liked it. He was rather proud of himself for having talked Ryan through a couple of jerkoff sessions. “I’d love to watch you doing this for hours. I’d never know you’d never done it before.” A small lie, but Ryan took to the praise like he was starving for it, his motions more determined as he bobbed his head and tried to take even more.

Shane thought of the hint of interest when Ryan had caught him speaking an alien language, of when Ryan had thrown out like it was a challenge that it was hot that he was an alien.

He took a gamble.

“After this,” he said softly, almost tenderly, “You still won’t have sucked off a human.”

Ryan _whined_, his eyes popping open to stare at him in a mix of embarrassment and need. He pulled off, voice thready and used. “Fuck, Shane-”

Unable to hold back his smile, Shane ignored the instinct to stuff his cock back into that wet heat and instead tugged lightly on Ryan’s hair, directing him to sit up. “You’re cute when you’re flustered. And if you don’t want this to be over very quickly, you should stop.”

“Fuck you,” Ryan spluttered, cheeks still dark, but the relief that Shane wasn’t upset made it something that was almost a giggle.

“That’s the plan!”

“Are you sure?” Ryan asked, even as he finally pushed his sweats all the way off and got a hand on his cock. “We don’t have to. I mean, I don’t- I’ve never, uh-”

Shane wasn’t really surprised, but he still raised an eyebrow as he stretched across the bed to grab the year old lube that was stuffed in the back of the bedside table drawer. “No adventurous girlfriends?”

The faint sourness of old, remembered guilt was not a good taste. “Uh, we tried once. We were dumb. Didn’t know what we were doing.”

Shane winced in sympathy. He didn’t need any more details. “Luckily for you-” He held up the lube like he had just won an award. “I do know what I’m doing. Get up here and kiss me while I’m doing this. Make it romantic, Bergara.”

“Nothing says romance like fingers in your ass.” But Ryan couldn’t hide his pleased smile, the big sap.

“Tell that to your doctor the next time you get a prostate exam.”

Ryan laughed against his lips, awkwardly holding himself in a hovering position to keep out of the way of Shane’s twisted arms. “I’m not even thirty-”

“So you have that to look forward to.” Then Shane’s mouth fell open on a groan that he tried to make louder, just for Ryan’s benefit. Fuck, it’d been awhile since he’d done this. The stretch of one finger wasn’t bad or new, but it had been over a year.

He really should have gone slower, but he was egged on by Ryan’s tongue in his mouth and the taste of Ryan’s sweet, dark lust, full of spice and gaining an edge of decadent richness that was almost like chocolate and liquor. It was a heady mix that went straight to Shane’s dick and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to get Ryan inside him as soon as possible.

Barely any time had passed before he was pushing Ryan back and shoving the lube into his chest, getting on all fours because if he was going to fuck himself on Ryan’s cock, there was no way he was young enough to do it slow enough while on top.

Ryan’s hesitance was a sour film on the roof of Shane’s mouth. “That was like two minutes, are you sure-”

“Ryan,” Shane said with as much patience as he could muster, riding the verge of giddiness that came from the need to get fucked. He knew that need was mostly biological, but the realization that he could finally give this to Ryan, who had been so patient and understanding about his lack of interest in sex, was making his fingers tingle in pure want. “Lube, and then you’re going to get on your knees and not move.”

The sounds of Ryan’s strained breathing was a counterpoint to the click of the cap and the slick noises of lube. “Uh, condom?”

Shane hung his head down because he had completely forgotten. “We can’t pass anything to each other that we might have-” Small mercies for being two different species. “But I can if you want.”

A cold and slick hand rested on his thigh. “Do you want one?”

“God, no, I really don’t.”

Ryan swallowed like he had just been punched. His voice broke when he said, “Yeah, okay. Bare it is.”

Shane turned his head to try and look over his shoulder, but all he could really see was the way Ryan was staring at him, a little wrinkle between his eyebrows, the intense studying as Shane reached to spread his own ass cheeks. He leaned back, holding his breath as the head of Ryan’s cock slipped and caught on his rim.

“Shane-” Ryan’s voice was strangled, his hand slipping up Shane’s thigh to clutch at his hip.

“Shut up and look pretty,” Shane muttered, smiling when Ryan let out a sharp bark of startled laughter but didn’t move.

He fucked himself open on Ryan’s cock with slow, careful, but _determined_ movements. He was driven by the almost startled sound of Ryan’s grunts and the stretch that burned and then ached and then felt _right_. Each time he rocked back, Ryan’s grip on his hip tightened, but that was all the man did.

Ryan’s swallow was so loud that it echoed. Shane’s own swallow was with a throat full of such intense need and love that he thought he might drown in it. “Okay,” he literally panted, dragging in a sharp breath, unable to fill his lungs. He realized he was trembling, but it had never felt so good before. He had no idea what to do with that. “Okay, you can move.”

“Fuck,” Ryan breathed, his first slide out and in smooth and slow. Cautious despite the way his hand was going to leave a bruise. “Fuck, Shane, you feel-”

“Yeah,” Shane agreed, tilting his hips. Making each new thrust easier. Better.

He still wanted more.

“C’mon, little guy, you going to fuck me or what?”

The blatant dare finally prompted Ryan to speed up his all too slow thrusts. “Little guy?” he challenged, snapping his hips forward with strength that surprised a soft exhale out of Shane. “You really wanna say that right now?”

“Gonna make me regret it?”

“Christ, you’re just asking for it, aren’t you?” And then Ryan leaned forward to wrap his arm around Shane’s chest, hauling them both upright like Shane wasn’t bigger than him, his muscles straining as he brought them together. He fucked up into Shane with hard, sharp movements that were never quite brutal. It was rough but oddly tender and Shane had the sudden realization that Ryan was completely wasted on him as a lover. This was the kind of sex that should go to someone that could appreciate it year-round.

Not that he would ever tell Ryan that. He was far, far too greedy.

Shane could only lean his head back, moaning without restraint as he tasted the lust in the air and listened to the filth that Ryan probably didn’t realize he was saying. He wrapped both hands around Ryan’s forearm, afraid that if he touched himself it would be over far too quickly.

Ryan’s breath gusted hot across the back of his neck, cooling over the sweat on his shoulder blades, their movements already ragged. The combined sounds of their bitten off moans, harsh breathing and the wet slap of their bodies meeting filled the room. Shane swallowed continuously, drunk on the taste of Ryan’s rich lust.

“Fuck, you feel so good, so fucking tight, I can’t believe- “ Ryan grunted, loud and distinct at a particularly hard thrust, and Shane was never going to be able to watch Ryan work out ever again. “So fucking hot, Shane-”

“Ryan, please-”

“What do you want? What can I do?”

“Don’t stop,” Shane gasped. He really should have slowed the pace down, helped Ryan figure out how to angle things just right to make it _really_ good, but he couldn’t focus beyond the feeling of being fucked, of being filled over and over again.

Ryan’s laugh was strained and a little self-conscious, but mostly hoarse and broken. He sounded like he was one moment away from snapping. “I would love to fuck you until we can’t feel our toes anymore, but I can’t last. Fuck, you feel too good.”

“Please,” Shane whined. He was too far gone to be as mortified by the sound as he should have been.

“C’mon, jerk yourself off, let me feel you, I want to feel you-”

Shane did as he was told, his cock so hard that it nearly hurt to finally touch it. He tried to last as long as he could, but Ryan was pushing his need and lust and the sheer overwhelming ocean of his love into Shane’s skin, everywhere they were touching making his emotions so intense that Shane lost control of his own. It shouldn’t have happened. He knew his own emotional boundaries, both literal and figurative.

But it broke over him like a tidal wave and he came with a surprised cry, drowning in the feelings echoing back and forth between them and all he could do was hope in a far corner of his mind that Ryan wasn’t caught up in it.

His come splattered warm on the underside of his chin and down his chest, clenching tight and rhythmic around Ryan’s cock as his orgasm lasted for longer than it should have.

Ryan choked out something that might have been his name, then pressed forward into him as far as possible, pulsing hard and deep inside of him.

A full-bodied shiver swept through Shane at the unmistakable feeling and in that moment he knew he was ruined for any other person, human or otherwise.

They collapsed together in a tangle as their knees gave up at the same time, most of Ryan’s weight pressing down on Shane’s back before they managed to flip to their sides. Ryan went to pull out, but Shane stopped him with a quick, “Wait. Stay. I like it.” He was already flushed and hot, but he could feel his blush burn his cheeks and he was glad he was facing away.

Ryan was surprised but not against it, judging by the sluggish interest. “Oh. Okay.” He snuggled closer, a big spoon that could barely fit against the length of Shane’s back, but neither of them were complaining.

Shane knew they should get up and at least wipe themselves off, if not take their second showers of the day, but he wanted to lay there and bask in the sweat and the warmth and the very specific, unique feel of a cock softening inside of him.

It wasn’t like it was something he got often, he reasoned to himself. Or even something he was often in the mood for. He was going to enjoy it, damn it.

Ryan was still panting heavily, but his emotions tasted like lazy contentment and that sugary jelly bean flavor that was his personal brand of love. He drew his fingertips up Shane’s arm in a lazy caress. “Well that was hot.” His breath was warm against the back of Shane’s neck.

Shane let out a long breath of his own. “Not disappointing? I told you it was going to be rather mundane.”

“Well other than your fingers and my dick-,” Ryan paused, his sudden humor so strong that it dripped down Shane’s throat. “There wasn’t nearly as much anal probing as I was led to believe.”

A long beat of silence, and then Shane started laughing so hard that he ended up curled over his stomach.

His laughter doubled until he was crying when Ryan exclaimed, “Oh my God, you just laughed me out of you, what the fuck, that felt so weird.”

“Ryan-” he tried to say.

“Talk about pushing limp rope, but this was the other way.”

“Oh God, Ryan, stop,” Shane managed to get out, his face and stomach muscles hurting from how hard he was laughing.

“Seriously-”

Shane rolled over and clamped his hand over Ryan’s mouth for his own sanity. Luckily it was the lube-free hand. “You’re trying to kill me,” he gasped. “Stop, I want to live.”

Looking so smug and mussed and beautiful that it was nearly painful to see, Ryan tipped his head forward to rest their foreheads together, kissing Shane's palm as it fell away. “I love making you laugh.”

Shane’s own shy pleasure was harder to handle than the sex had been. He dropped his gaze away from Ryan’s eyes. “You big softie.”

Ryan rested his hand on the side of Shane’s neck, combing his fingers through the hair behind his ear. “I have to make up for the last couple weeks,” he said quietly, a promise in his words.

Breath catching, Shane forced a smile that hopefully didn’t portray either how much that meant to him or how much some of Ryan’s words still stung. “Water under the bridge, Ry-”

Gentle fingers were pulling through his hair and rubbing circles over his scalp and it had felt so pleasant that he hadn’t stopped to think about what Ryan was about to find.

Sure enough, Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed together when he hit one of the small bumps that lined the top of his head.

“What?” Ryan blinked at him. There was lemon but no sourness of disgust and Shane tried to take comfort in that. “Shane?”

“It’s nothing,” he explained, biting the bullet and reaching up to direct Ryan’s hand to the other two. “Features that don’t really serve any purpose.” Long and thin, swiping back over his head, vestigial remnants of a time when the people of Theemin had something resembling horns. Which he was _not_ going to tell Ryan-

“Holy shit, you have horns?”

Shane closed his eyes in a search for patience and groaned. “Ryan, if you finish that thought-”

“You have bright red skin, black eyes, and _horns_?” Ryan asked, sounding scandalized. “Are you sure you’re an alien and not a demon?”

“I think you just called my people’s planet Hell,” Shane mused.

“Seriously, do I need to be worrying about where I can find more holy water?”

Shane’s sigh was far too fond and amused. “There’s a slight possibility that some of those old stories of devils were based off humans seeing us before we had perfected our hologram tech.”

Ryan suddenly pushed him onto his back, no thought to how filthy they were or how tired he had been seconds before. He loomed over Shane, his expression so serious it was comical. “You’re going to tell me everything, right now.”

“Everything? That’ll take a while.”

“How long?! How long have you guys been here? What were you doing? Did you interact with humans? How many people know? Is it like a big conspiracy? What about other aliens-”

Shane relaxed back into the mattress, settling in for a long day of answering whatever question popped into Ryan’s head.

He didn’t want to be anywhere else.

\--------------

The next week passed in a blur of work and ever-increasing bouts of sex.

Ryan was all for it at first. He was still young and full of energy and it didn’t surprise Shane that he would be ready to go at the drop of a hat. Or the drop of pants. But even Ryan didn’t have the stamina to get it up four times in one day on top of work and social engagements and while Shane had never asked it of him, he seemed determined to help.

Shane was more than happy with a hand or a mouth or even going into the bathroom and getting himself off in the shower. He had a good imagination and a good memory and remembering the sounds Ryan had made as he had patiently eaten him out would be wank fuel for years.

But Ryan was taking it as a personal mission to be there each time and Shane had the feeling that the looming deadline of his return to a complete lack of interest in sex was affecting both of them.

At least with Ryan around, he was actually able to get through work mostly unscathed. His cycle didn’t make him mindless with lust, but he did spend the better part of each day with his dick tucked up into his boxer’s waistband and his attention kept wandering to daydreams of sex. More than once, Ryan had kicked his leg under their shared desk to get him to focus.

And once he had trapped Shane in the second floor bathroom for a quick handjob that Shane still blushed to think about. It had made their budget meeting go smoother, though, so he couldn’t really blame the guy for the precaution of making sure his head was in the game.

By the end of the week, they were both exhausted and sore. Ryan moreso than Shane, since he didn’t have the physiology for extended bouts of fucking. Shane’s people had a millenia of evolution that went into preparing for the lack of focus, the fevers, the need to fuck.

Ryan just had plain human stubbornness.

He was snoring softly next to Shane, spread-eagle in a limp pose of pure exhaustion that was painful to see.

And Shane was hard.

Shane sighed to himself, trying to think of anything other than fucking.

They still didn't have a clue about the postcognition. He still couldn't believe that his own mother had started calling it that, either. She called every couple of days to update them, but everyone she talked to only had vague theories at best, and they couldn't do much more until he could get his head scanned.

Since he was already taking a couple days off for the height of his cycle, he wasn't sure when those scans could be. Luckily, he had only been hit by one foreign memory so far, bringing the total up to five. It hadn’t been at work, but a Lyft. A man’s wild, jubilant, dumbfounded joy as he clutched at the car’s seatbelt upon finding out that his girlfriend was pregnant.

It had felt weird to relive someone’s private joy, but at least it hadn’t been someone else trying to run away from a murderer.

Ryan made a noise next to him; a quick, pained breath.

Shane reached over, nudging Ryan’s shoulder until his furrowed brow smoothed out and he rolled into his pillow with a mutter. It was an automatic reaction on Shane’s part after the past few nights of sleeping together.

The nightmares Ryan had haltingly confessed to had never gone away and they were a worrying nightly occurrence.

The fact that Ryan had nightmares wasn’t new. Shane had heard some of the more interesting ones in the past, when Ryan would come into work with a distant look in his eyes, his mind still on the dream.

These recent ones were apparently always variations on a theme, though. Long, echoing hallways and being strapped to metal tables. Being abducted.

Ryan had never said that Shane starred in any of the nightmares, but he wondered sometimes. When Ryan watched him with tired eyes and all he could taste was a dark sludge of fear.

Sometimes, when it was late at night like this and his mind was spiraling into the self-doubt and anxiety that he tried so hard to hide, he wondered if Ryan wasn’t spending his nights with him because he was an assurance that Ryan wasn’t being abducted. That it really was just nightmares. That the presence of one alien would protect him from the others. Better the devil Ryan knew.

But Ryan wasn’t subtle enough to lie with his emotions and Shane knew the love he tasted daily was real.

And for fuck’s sake, he was still hard.

It was too dark in the room to see, but Shane glared down at the direction of his dick anyways. Erections were all well and good when he was in the mood for them, but having a pity party while his boyfriend had nightmares about his existence was not the time.

He slid out of the bed because he wasn’t the type to masturbate next to a sleeping partner and left the room, closing the bedroom door quietly behind himself. He needed to take care of this and then hopefully he could get some sleep.

Turning the shower on, confident that Ryan was too out of it to be woken up by the sound, Shane peered into the mirror at himself. His hair was going every which way and his glasses barely perched on the edge of his nose. He looked tired, if not as tired as Ryan.

Pushing them up, he smiled at his reflection, the expression pathetic and downright sad. And so very human.

His people didn’t smile. They laughed. They frowned. They even cried, which was a surprising commonality between his people and humans.

They didn’t smile.

Shane’s watch was still on his wrist. He had been too lazy to take it off that night. It wasn’t heavy, but in that moment, it felt heavy.

Surely he could turn the hologram off? Ryan had reacted so well to the bumps on his head and the lack of testicles. He still seemed to be fascinated by the missing belly button, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Or maybe the entire package would be too much and Ryan would finally leave.

Shane let out a long breath, annoyed. He really needed to get over himself.

Taking off his watch, his heart pounding hard in his side, he started to touch the right sequence to bring up the little menu that let him mess around with the hologram.

He was startled by the soft, “Shane?”

Ryan was peeking at him through the crack in the door, dark hollows under his eyes. He tilted his head, looking from the watch Shane was clutching to the running shower to the very clear tent in the front of his sweats, because of course his little bout of self-pity hadn’t made that go away. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to shower,” Shane said somewhat lamely.

“With your watch?”

Shane looked down at the innocent looking watch before setting it down on the sink counter with a deliberate clack. “No, I- Wait, why are you up? Did you need to pee?”

Ryan shook his head, his eyes down and his brief confusion over the watch already gone. “Woke up.”

What he didn’t say was that he woke up because of his nightmares, but he didn’t need to.

Reaching into the shower to shut it off, Shane started to say, “Let’s go make a tea or something and watch shitty tv-”

“Wait.”

Ryan was right there next to him, turning the shower back on. “Let me help you with that boner before it knocks something over.”

Shane’s short laugh trailed off quickly. “Ignore it, I’m not going to ask you to do something when you look like you should be in a coma.”

“You didn’t ask, I offered,” Ryan said with more sense than should be allowed in the wee hours of the morning. He quickly stripped out of his shorts and tank, testing the temperature of the water before stepping into the shower like Shane wasn’t right there, staring at him. He finally turned under the hot spray to stare back. “You coming in or what?”

Barely remembering to take his glasses off, Shane crowded into the shower with Ryan. It was annoying that that was all it took to convince him. Hormones were such a pain.

Usually he was ambivalent towards shower sex- as he had once very publically argued- where one person was always forced to shiver outside of the warm water, but with his cycle on him, he couldn’t really care. Ryan was unfairly tempting while naked and wet, even when he looked so miserably tired.

Ryan didn’t bother to pause in wrapping his hand around Shane’s cock, his grip far more sure and familiar than it had been a week ago.

Shane kind of hated that he immediately lost most of his focus at the first touch. He let out a hollow gasp, pressing into the spray to trap Ryan in the corner, bracketing his arms on either side of the man. He wanted desperately to grab Ryan, to pull him closer and rut up against him, but he kept his hands on the smooth, cold walls of the shower.

“This whole cycle thing isn’t as fun as it sounds, is it?” Ryan observed, trailing his free hand down the center of Shane’s chest. His voice was achingly sad and Shane could taste the muted concern there.

“It is what it is.” Shane kept his mouth open after speaking, letting the water run down the front of his face, dripping off his nose and down his chin. It gave him an excuse to breath as harshly as he wanted to, grinding into the press of Ryan’s hand. “There’s a reason I take a couple days off.”

“I took them off, too,” Ryan said, his stubborn daring sharp and fierce. He was ready to fight Shane about this, since Shane had already said that he didn’t want Ryan to do anything that would affect his work.

But the cloud of steam raising sweat, the sight of Ryan staring up at him with his hair wet and slick across his forehead, and the friction around his cock was too good and Shane could only shake his head once, his mouth twitching in a frown. “Shouldn’t have,” he managed to force out.

Ryan twisted his hand on an upstroke, nearly cruel with the way his thumb caught under the head of Shane’s cock. “I want to help.”

“Ryan,” Shane said as reasonably as he could. “You can’t keep it up long enough or come that often to keep up when it’s at its worst. Humans aren’t built for that.”

He had said this before, much to Ryan’s annoyance. There was no bite of offense this time. Only that same stubborn concern. “I have hands. You said you use toys when you’re alone for this. I can be there for that.”

It was really, really hard to argue when his toes were curling in the pooling water at his feet and his orgasm was _right there_.

“Fuck.” He sucked in a ragged inhale, firmly telling himself to not grab Ryan. “Fuck, okay.”

His reward was a muttered, “Good,” and a sudden spike of bold embarrassment, tingling along his tongue. “I thought about it and I think you should fuck me,” Ryan said so fast that he stumbled over a couple of the words.

Shane opened his eyes so fast that he got a bunch of water directly into them. He slid his second set of eyelids closed, staring down at Ryan through the white film and falling water in sheer surprise and a not a small amount of need. “What? You want-”

Ryan narrowed his eyes at him. “Are you doing that eyelid thing? You’re looking kind of fuzzy around the edges.”

Ignoring the question, Shane ducked his head down closer, licking the water droplets that littered Ryan’s shoulder, pressing himself into the body that was wet and clammy from having not been directly in the hot water. “Yes,” he hissed, barely able to keep his hands on the walls. “Please, just once, please, Ryan-”

Sluggish interest bit Shane’s tongue as Ryan grumbled, “More than once. Figured you could fuck me whenever. It’s not like I’d need to be hard for that.”

Shane groaned, absolutely torn. On the one hand, he hated the idea of Ryan throwing himself on the metaphorical sword that was Shane’s dick, and wow, that was quite a metaphor, even for his lust-fogged brain. On the other hand, his body wanted nothing more than something warm to fuck whenever he wanted.

He bit Ryan above the shoulder, not lightly. Ryan yelped quietly but didn’t push him away. “Fuck, Ryan, you can’t just say that,” Shane practicaly sobbed against his neck. “‘M not going to use you-”

“I already bought the stuff to, like, get used to it.” Ryan was a mess of a horny, tired nerves and loving concern and Shane could barely stand the mix. “Might as well take advantage of it.”

“I’m not-”

Ryan had apparently decided he was done with the conversation. He tightened his grip on Shane’s cock and bent his head just enough to bite Shane’s nipple. The shock of it was enough to send Shane over the edge, and he came with a grunt muffled by Ryan’s shoulder.

Which was one way to lose an argument.

Later, when they had toweled dry and were back in their sleeping clothes, Shane drew Ryan into a hug. “Are you sure?” he asked again, more clear headed and much more worried. “Because I’m not going to argue the fucking,” he added before Ryan could launch into whatever argument he had prepared. “I would be honored to tap that ass-”

Ryan laughed like the sound had been surprised out of him.

“-But I will argue the number of times. ‘Whenever’ is a very open statement.” Shane grimaced and made himself admit, “And there’s going to be a day where I’m not really… Coherent.”

Ryan leaned back to give him a questioning look. “What, like the Pon Farr episode of Star Trek?”

Shane stared at him. “I didn’t even think you watched Star Trek.”

The air abruptly tasted like squirmy guilt and embarrassment. “I’ve been watching them since I found out about you,” Ryan said with clear reluctance.

God, he was so in love with this guy.

“‘60s sci-fi is the worst kind of alien research,” Shane said with a fond grin, kissing Ryan’s nose on impulse. “I’m no Spock. The half-human thing notwithstanding.”

Ryan pointedly turned and walked towards the bed, exaggerating his huff as he flounced onto the mattress.

“Too bad there isn’t more of that probing media out there, though, am I right?”

He got a face full of pillow for that one, but it was worth it.

He was nearly asleep when Ryan whispered, full of mischief and the bite of tingling daring. “Did you know there’s alien dick dildos out there?”

Shane was too tired to hide his choking laughter. “What the fuck, Bergara?”

“Probes, too.”

“I should have fucking known-”

“Some of them are fluorescent.”

Rolling over to bracket Ryan’s body, Shane grinned down at him. “I’ll show you alien dick.”

They both fell into helpless laughter, curled into each other, love and humor thick in Shane’s throat.

Which did nothing to help when both of them woke up an hour later to yet another of Ryan’s nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amazing and wonderful art by[ soft-cryptids!](https://mephsation.tumblr.com/post/190897246591/this-crazy-magic-brought-to-you-by-soft-cryptids) Thank you so much!
> 
> Thank you so much for all of your patience and understanding. Your kind words mean a lot <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~ Check the tags~

“Fuck, Ryan-”

Eyes that were dark in the shadowed interior of the car rolled up to meet his gaze, the wet reflection off a distant street light telling Shane that Ryan was studying him.

“I can’t-”

Ryan did something with his tongue that was wet and firm and the perfect suction and Shane’s orgasm stole over him before he could even finish the thought. He cupped his own hand over his mouth to muffle his moan, his breath hot and ragged against his palm as he fought to keep his hips still.

Their breathing was loud in the interior of the car when Ryan pulled away. Shane could taste the brief surge of mild disgust when Ryan swallowed and then gingerly straightened up from his hunched over position. He scowled at the gearshift that had probably been jabbing into his ribs before muttering, “I told you you wouldn’t be able to make it through a two-hour party.”

Shane managed to calm his breathing to something normal as he carefully tucked himself back into his pants. Ryan hadn’t even bothered to unbuckle his belt. Which Shane had appreciated at the time, because all he had cared about was the urgent need to get off, but he was a little embarrassed in retrospect.

Was he really that far gone? He had known he must have looked bad when Ryan had come back from talking to some interns, taken one look at him, then marched him outside, but surely Ryan had been overreacting.

“Do you think anyone will notice we were both gone?” he asked, ignoring Ryan’s comment.

Ryan’s quiet little huff of air tasted far too smug and amused. “It hasn’t even been five minutes. Even if someone thought we were gettin’ nasty, no one would think it would be so quick.”

Shane chose the better part of valor and stayed silent, glad that the dark would hide how hot his entire face felt. He knew that particular emotion Ryan was sporting, and acknowledging it would just egg Ryan on. And he didn’t need those jokes being said at the party. He worked with those people!

Ryan was laughing at him as they slid out of the car, but that was fine. He had no problem with blaming being a little more than human.

They managed to make it another hour of socializing before Shane lost any ability to pay attention to what was going on around him. He wasn’t about to jump Ryan in front of coworkers and friends, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep his hands to himself. No one knew they were dating yet, since they had mutually decided that dealing with that while simultaneously dealing with Shane’s libido would be a recipe for awkward disasters, but God, he really wanted to touch Ryan and never stop.

Ryan was the one to make their excuses as they left, his directing hand on Shane’s lower back a little too consistent for ‘just friends’, but it felt like the only thing keeping Shane’s mind from wandering down filthy, filthy paths.

Stumbling into Shane’s apartment, they barely made it past the door before Shane was grabbing Ryan’s arms and dragging him close. Ryan responded readily enough to his open-mouthed, devouring kiss that was more sloppy and wet than skilled, but Shane remembered himself once he had to pull away to breathe. He didn't dive back in for more, but it was a close thing.

“Christ, big guy,” Ryan said. “Can't a guy get some water before being pounced?”

There was no real censure or upset in Ryan’s tone. No bitterness on Shane’s tongue or the pinch of anger. He looked away anyways, running his fingers through his hair and over the bumps on his head to make himself let go of Ryan.

He was more than his dick, damn it.

"Give me a minute and then I’ll take you to poundtown.”

Shane couldn’t help his quick, amused smile. Nor the way his cock literally twitched, which was just shameful. Ryan’s bad pickup lines shouldn’t have affected him that much. “Going to schedule a trip? Take the bus, ‘One ticket to Poundtown, please!’”

Ryan laughed over his shoulder at Shane as he shrugged out of his jacket and walked into the kitchen. “I think in your state, you’d want it to be a train.”

Delighted laughter bubbled up out of Shane before he had entirely registered the words or the innuendo, but the taste of how pleased Ryan was with himself had warned him how horrible the joke would be.

“Are you the conductor?”

This time Ryan was the one to laugh, spluttering a small amount of water out of his glass.

“Next stop,” Shane said, waving his hand like he was reading a sign, “My butt.”

Shaking his head, Ryan sat the glass down and wiped his hand across his mouth. It left his lips shining and red and Shane lost the thread of the conversation.

Ryan must have realized that Shane wasn’t paying attention anymore, because he rolled his eyes and walked into the bedroom without bothering to check if Shane was following.

One of the drawbacks to constant need was that Shane didn’t have the energy to savor satiating that need. Ryan quickly reduced him to a gasping, moaning cluster of sensations, fucking him into the mattress with a warm hand on his back to keep him in place. He loved that Ryan obviously wasn’t doing it just to get him to orgasm, that Ryan was enjoying every moment and chasing after his own pleasure. He figured he owed the guy that much.

It was amazing; some of the best sex Shane had ever had. He had the feeling that if he had been human, if that night’s round had been the only sex he had had in a while, it would have been something he remembered for years. But when it was the fifth orgasm of the day and the fourth by Ryan’s doing, it lost a lot of its luster. Which was a crying shame.

Ryan flopped on top of him after they both came, spreading his body out across Shane’s back with an unabashed groan that was loud in Shane’s ear. Shane couldn’t quite find it in him to complain about the weight or the sweat. At least not for a few minutes.

“Wish I was about five years younger,” Ryan muttered. “It’d be easier to get it up again.”

Shane shrugged, deliberately uncaring. He didn’t like the aftertaste of disappointment that lingered on his tongue, and he knew that Ryan was directing it all towards himself. Asking Ryan to keep up with his non-human physiology was never something he had planned on doing. “One of us needs to be able to function,” he said as he twisted his neck to get more air. Ryan was heavy, but it was pleasant in a way.

Making a noise that could have been an agreement or could have been just a noise, Ryan finally rolled off him and stood up with another loud groan, stretching his arms out and arching his back. Shane turned his head to watch Ryan in profile, tracing the line his shoulders and back made.

He whistled as Ryan bent over to pick up his pants, making the man pause and then shake his bare ass in that sadly enthusiastic but uncoordinated way of his whenever he tried to dance.

“What are you doing?” he asked, still chuckling quietly.

It was too late to go out for food-

Embarrassment trickled down Shane’s throat so fast that he had to cough to clear it.

Ryan straightened, putting far more effort into zipping and buttoning his pants that was really required in clear effort to not meet Shane’s eyes. “I’m going home.”

Shane couldn’t help the way he froze, his breath caught in his chest.

_Chill, it’s nothing, he just needs space-_

“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” Ryan told the floor, putting his hands in his pockets and then taking them out again. “You’ll be fine, right?” He didn’t come out and say ‘will you be fine being horny all the time’ but Shane could read the meaning easily enough.

Shane thought he did a pretty good job of keeping the abrupt panic out of his voice. “Yeah, I’ve got plenty of things to keep me occupied.” He took a deep breath, his smile only slightly forced. “I’ve got more toys than a sex shop.”

All of them were in a box in the closet and untouched for a year, but Ryan didn’t need to know how much he had been relying on the man to help him through his cycle.

Maybe his tone hadn’t been as unaffected as he had thought, because Ryan finally shot him a glance. His expression softened and he took a step forward, close enough to put his hand on Shane’s shoulder. “I’m not running away,” he said simply.

Shane closed his eyes, letting out a long breath. He relaxed back into the give of the mattress. “I know, I know.”

“It’s just that there’s some things that should be kept private and I’m not playing around with buttplugs for the first time with you around.”

_That_ got Shane to open his eyes and sit up, bracing himself on his elbow. “Are you sure about that?” he asked with absolutely no grace or subtlety.

Ryan met his gaze steadily, but he was more flushed than he had been while in the middle of fucking. Shane didn’t miss the bite of pepper under all of the embarrassment. “I’m not sure I can trust the alien with butt stuff.”

Shane’s sudden grin was so wide he could feel it stretch his mouth. “If _anyone_ can be trusted with probing-”

Ryan snorted, gently swiping his hand over Shane’s face to interrupt him. “I wonder when that joke will get old.”

“Approximately never.”

“Sounds about right.” Ryan leaned down to kiss Shane on the nose, his smile a little nervous. “I have to figure out if this is something I’ll even like. I’d prefer to do that in private.”

Shane nodded, pushing away all of the mental images that had popped up in his head and trying not to squirm at the inherent sweetness of the kiss. “Fair.”

“You sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yes,” Shane said, exaggerating his exasperation. “I’m not exactly doing anything dangerous.”

“Call me if it gets bad or you, like, chafe your dick or something.” Ryan turned back towards putting his clothes on, and Shane watched him for a few quiet minutes.

For all that the last few weeks had been some of the most stressful of his life, Shane thought that it had probably been worth it. Even the postcognition. Ryan knowing what he was and continuing to love him despite it was the kind of best-case scenario that he never allowed himself to hope for.

He followed Ryan into the living room, ignoring the slickness on the inside of his thighs.

“I’ll be back tomorrow night, okay?” Ryan said as he kneeled down to tie his shoes. “Want me to bring dinner?”

“Obviously.”

Ryan looked up from his laces, shaking his head. The taste of jellybeans was heavy on Shane’s tongue. “I feel like you should be treating me,” he said as he straightened. “I’m the one about to stuff silicone up my ass.”

Shane wordlessly gestured at his own naked body, then raised his eyebrow.

“Anyways,” Ryan changed the subject with a far-too-cute smile, “Text me if you need anything.”

They both leaned forward for a kiss that was as automatic as it was sweet and Shane didn’t bother to hide the smile that even he could feel was dopey when they pulled away. “I love you,” he was the first to say, just to watch the way Ryan’s expression went shy and pleased and to taste the nearly overwhelming sweetness in the air.

“God knows why I love you, but I do,” Ryan said. The teasing didn’t sting when Ryan was staring at him like that.

Shane stared at the door for a long moment after Ryan left. Then he sighed and went into the bathroom to change his contacts for glasses.

He didn’t bother to shower or even take a washcloth to his thighs and he didn’t let himself think about why.

\----------

The night passed in fits and starts, bouts of masturbating and restless sleep that was more like bad power naps. Shane felt haggard and was approaching being sore in all kinds of interesting ways, but there was an energy under his skin that didn’t let him have any kind of real peace. He knew from prior experience that he was close to the peak of his cycle. All he had to do was last another couple of days and then it would get better.

Easier said than done.

He let go of his dick, uncaring of the state of the sheets when he wiped his hand clean on a spot far away from him. He had multiple sets of sheets just for this occasion. Rolling over, he deliberately smushed the side of his face into the pillow in an attempt to convince himself that he was exhausted enough to finally get real sleep.

His fingers were on the edge of the pillow that Ryan had been using for the last few days and he absently squeezed, giving in to the loneliness that had been threatening since Ryan had left. It was indulgent, but he was tired and his body ached and no one was there to witness his wallowing. Not even his cat.

The middle of the pillow still held the faint indent of Ryan’s head, and he brushed his fingers over the spot-

_Bright lights_

_Dark figures reaching for him_

_He couldn’t move, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t-_

Shane managed to jerk his hand back before he could fall any further into the memory. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the dark ceiling, his heart pounding away in his side.

It took him a few minutes to gather his thoughts and approach the snatch of memory with something resembling logic. It had felt too disjointed for reality, and he relaxed when he finally realized that it had been a dream.

He couldn’t decide if it made sense that he could see someone else’s dream or if it was yet another little tangle in the new path his life was taking.

No wonder Ryan still occasionally held the bitter taste of fear around him, if he was having nightmares like that. Shane had known they were bad, but even those brief flashes had been enough to get his adrenaline going and he wasn’t particularly afraid of the Grays.

Shane fell asleep with the images of silhouetted figures reaching for him still playing behind his eyelids.

\-----------

When Shane woke up in the early morning hours, he got himself off again in a desultory way and then wandered listlessly around his apartment for hours. He thought about calling his mother to update her on glimpsing Ryan’s nightmare and asking if she had any news, but he quickly decided against it. She would probably be able to take one look at him and know that he was in the middle of his cycle. And while his people held no real embarrassment towards it, he had been raised as human for long enough to know he would just be mortified.

Paying attention to any one thing throughout the day was near impossible when most of his body was more concerned with sex. When he wasn’t thinking about fucking, his anxiety over the postcognition was doing its best to overwhelm him again. It wasn’t until Ryan texted he was on his way with food that Shane managed to make the bed with clean sheets and take a shower that was sorely needed.

He met Ryan at the door with a kiss that was so desperate he should have been upset with how quickly he had revealed the state he was in. But he didn’t have room for shame when imagining Ryan putting various things in himself had been half of his entertainment for the day.

“Eat something,” Ryan said, stepping back from the kiss to laugh. He was so close that Shane could only see his eyes and nose. There was no anger in his voice and all Shane could taste was sweet and hot.

“I ate,” Shane grumbled, his hands already on Ryan.

Ryan danced away from the touch and pointedly made his way to the kitchen. He walked with a barely noticeable hitch to his step and Shane lost his ability to think.

The food that he hadn’t bothered to identify ended up on the table and Ryan’s shirt ended up on the floor. Shane had no real memory of either thing happening, but he must have been responsible for it.

He got Ryan’s pants unbuttoned before strong hands were pressing against his chest and Ryan was telling him to slow down in a loud, steady voice.

Shane bit the inside of his cheek in a bid to clear his head, blinking both sets of eyelids until he could focus on Ryan’s face. “Okay, so we’ll skip the food for now,” Ryan said, a laugh coloring his words. “You think you can take this a little slower, big guy? I’ve seen what you’re packin’ and I’m not ready for anything rough with that.” His cheeks were flushed and his gaze was steady, but there was a bite of caution in the chaotic melange of sweet fondness, sparkling humor, and hot arousal.

Deliberately holding both hands up, Shane managed to say, somewhat wry, “Talking about it isn’t exactly helping me.”

“Should I be talking about something gross, then?”

“But if you want to tell me about your adventures of the day, I’m all ears,” Shane continued over him.

Ryan’s grin was quick and sly and Shane thought he would never get tired of being dared into things by the man. “My butt adventures?”

“That sounds like an absolutely terrible book series.”

Wheezing out a laugh, Ryan finally looked away. “Not much to tell. I don’t hate it.”

“What a rousing endorsement.” Shane sounded sarcastic, but it took all he had not to grab onto Ryan again. “Are you sure I can’t convince you to tell me all about it in exacting detail?”

Ryan shook his head, shyness that was deceptively mild coating the back of Shane’s throat. “You want to hear about it or do you want to just fuck me?”

Years of knowing the man and Ryan still managed to surprise him.

"Why can't I have both?" Shane asked thickly, but he was already tugging Ryan toward the bedroom. Their kiss in the doorway trembled from nerves and bubbled with humor like sweet champagne. They gave each other a look that spoke volumes, both of them amused by their mutual hesitation.

Ryan’s fingers pressed hard into the back of Shane’s neck, a fleeting touch as he gathered himself. He straightened his shoulders and stood a little taller, tilting his head in a mischievous smile that Shane would have followed to the ends of the universe. “Let’s do this thing,” he said, letting go to step out of his pants and briefs. He was impossible to look away from while naked.

“It’s the dirty way you talk that really does it for me.” Shane shimmied out of his sweats, never once taking his eyes off Ryan.

All of the caution that had layered the air was gone.

Ryan raised his eyebrows, his hand busy as he idly stroked himself. “Last night I came so hard that I got myself on the face because I was thinking about your dick in my ass.”

Shane swallowed. “Ah.” The low simmering arousal that had characterized the last couple days rose in his body, sweat springing up all over his skin. From a handful of words. He didn’t think he could blame it solely on his cycle. He swallowed again, his focus crumbling and breaking. All he could see was Ryan, all he could taste was heat. “Ryan,” he tried. His voice broke and it came out pleading.

Laying down on the bed, Ryan held his hand out, his body flushed and tinting dark, tan against the sheets. “Come here,” he said simply, inviting Shane to settle into the spread of his legs.

There weren’t many thoughts in Shane’s head after that. Messy kissing that led to wandering hands that led to rolling against each other in a way that felt distinctly decadent. Shane was high on the scent and taste of Ryan, the intensity of his own need being matched by Ryan’s.

Ryan was the one to eventually roll over, to brace his knees against the mattress and fumble for the lube that had been a constant presence on the bedside table. His movements were still unsure, but he didn’t pause as he got himself ready, two fingers at once, because Ryan never seemed to know how to go slow when it came to himself.

The pepper that burned Shane’s tongue gained a bite as Ryan let out a long breath, his shoulders tensed as he worked his fingers in and out, the muscles in his forearm rippling with each little push.

It was all Shane could do to hold still.

Ryan had finally had enough with waiting, his impatience familiar and thick. He twisted, grabbing Shane’s cock like it was his own with a blustered kind of sureness. Shane whined in the back of his throat at the slick, tight feeling of Ryan’s hand, the lube a touch he may have honestly forgotten on his own. Later he would be chagrined by that, but he didn’t have much room for thought in the moment.

Another breath that Ryan held in his chest for a beat, his gaze searching. Then he rolled his eyes and muttered something that Shane couldn’t catch, falling forward with his elbows under him, his forehead resting on the back of his arm. “Okay,” he whispered. He repeated it louder, and Shane was already spreading his fingers on the roundness of one cheek.

Shane bit the inside of his lip to distract himself with pain, distracting from the need to just take. The first press was tight and slow and Ryan tried to swallow a noise but Shane heard it anyways. He stopped, even though his body wanted nothing more than to plunge forward.

His hand trembled as he slid it over Ryan’s tailbone and down the dip of his back, a haphazard attempt at making Ryan relax. He was holding onto the barest thread of control and he was going to bite his lip bloody if he let himself dwell for one second on the snug heat that enclosed the head of his cock.

“Fuck, _fuck_, okay,” Ryan swore, muffled against his arm. “Keep going, come on.”

Shane’s laugh was too strained to hold much real humor, but it was the only coherent response he could make. He pushed forward again, moving so slow, in such incremental back-and-forths that his stomach muscles began to ache from holding back.

Ryan let out a shaky laugh of his own. “I don’t have all night, man.”

“Yes, you do,” Shane barely managed to say, his need to respond to Ryan’s snark outweighing the arousal. He ignored Ryan’s urgings and the little movements the man was making, because in the state he was in, it would be over painfully quick if he listened.

Painful being the keyword for Ryan.

If Shane was a normal human man, if he knew one mutual orgasm would be it for the night, maybe he would have given in to Ryan's words and the gradual way he was moving his hips. But if Shane knew that it wouldn’t be more than a half-hour before he would be desperate to do this all over again, and he was determined that Ryan wasn't going to be any more sore than was inevitable.

He was greedy and he already knew he needed this again.

Finally he was flush against the curve of Ryan’s ass, fully inside and completely lost in the flavor of sweet heat that was no longer only on his tongue but filtering through his skin and dripping into his very bones.

His world narrowed to the burn that raced through his blood and the slickness of Ryan’s sweat under his fingertips and the warmth and friction that encompassed each smooth slide of his cock. His movements were steady as he listened to the way Ryan panted under him, each breath harsh and lyrical to his ears.

It didn’t take long. He didn’t bother to fight his orgasm when it approached like an inevitable storm, and he came curled over Ryan, his cheek pressed against Ryan’s spine as he rode it out.

Shane stayed like that for a few long breaths, feeling the way Ryan was braced under him, sturdy under his weight.

“Are you-” Ryan’s laugh was thready and incredulous, strung out. “Are you still hard?”

Shane nodded against his back, sighing out an amused breath. “Gonna be hard for a few hours. Hittin’ my stride now.”

“I think you’re supposed to see a doctor if it’s hard for longer than four hours.”

Snorting, Shane reluctantly straightened, though he made no move to pull out. “You going to keep joking or do you want to come?”

Ryan shifted, unable to entirely hide the short grunt as he inadvertently moved Shane’s cock inside of him. “You just going to sit there?”

“I’m not really sitting-”

“I think I like you better when you’re sex-crazed.” Then Ryan deliberately drew himself forward and proceeded to fuck himself with Shane’s cock like Shane was there to be used.

Shane realized that he was going to have to analyze how much he enjoyed being there just for Ryan’s use.

Later.

He wasn’t under the hormonal need to come, but he wasn’t suffering from oversensitivity and Ryan moving like that felt _good_. Gripping Ryan’s hips, he turned the whole affair into something a little more mutual, whispering the encouragement that Ryan liked to pretend he didn’t crave when the man finally got a hand on himself.

The rhythmic clench of Ryan coming on his cock brought a low groan out of Shane and he carefully pulled out to jerk off onto the small of Ryan’s back.

They both collapsed after that, sweaty and sticky, but too worn out to move. Ryan rolled onto his side with a quiet huff, his hair a complete disaster. Sweat dripped down his forehead and Shane smiled at the weirdly adorable picture Ryan made.

Ryan blinked slowly at him. “Twice in fifteen minutes?”

Shane brought his hand up in a tired attempt at a ‘ta-dah’ gesture. “Alien, ba-by.” He drew out the vowels just to watch Ryan shake his head.

“This has been a weird month.”

For once, Shane didn’t feel anything except smug joy at the exasperated words that he normally would have cringed at. Even the complete mess they both were couldn't stop his grin.“You love it.”

Ryan grinned back. “Fuck yeah, man. I sure do.”

\---------------

It was an exhausting night for Shane and he wasn’t the human in the equation. Ryan woke up in the morning obviously sore, out of sorts, and that special brand of mean he was before coffee, but far worse than usual.

Shane could barely care. When Ryan wasn’t willing to help him out, he was bringing himself off with an ever increasing lack of coordination or coherency. Those rare moments of clarity were dedicated to remembering to hydrate, eat, or take yet another five minute shower to wash the sheer amount of sweat and jizz off himself.

Ryan shut himself into the bathroom for well over an hour to take a ridiculously long shower, but Shane expected it was a flimsy excuse to get a moment to himself. Shane didn’t want to be so needy, but there was a fire in his veins and a twisting heaviness in his lower stomach that never went away, no matter how many times he came.

It wasn’t until the afternoon, back in the bed on their sides, Shane lazily thrusting between Ryan’s thighs, that he realized Ryan was _bored_.

Apparently all it took was two weeks straight of sex for Ryan to finally get tired of it.

Shane hooked his chin over Ryan’s shoulder to read what he was doing on his phone. Each shallow thrust smeared wetness that was growing tacky along Ryan’s skin, but Shane only had a handful of minutes before he would want to have another go. He had made the executive decision to fuck Ryan’s thighs an hour ago, when the man had flinched at the absent graze of a fingertip down the crease of his ass. Not that Ryan would admit to it. He was adamant that he wasn’t too sore, but Shane had merely ignored him.

“Aren’t people going to wonder why you’re answering work emails on a day you took off?”

Ryan shrugged one shoulder, jostling Shane's head. Most of his attention was clearly on proofreading. “So? What are they going to do, ask me if I’m having crazy marathon sex?”

“Maybe,” Shane muttered, nuzzling into the nape of Ryan’s neck. Insistent arousal was beginning to curl through him again. “It _is_ BuzzFeed.”

“One day we’ll work somewhere a little more normal.”

Shane smiled against Ryan’s hair at the unthinking use of ‘we’. “Nah. We’d both be bored with something normal.”

Ryan snorted and hit send before setting his phone down. He grabbed Shane’s hand to pull it to his chest, flexing his thighs together. The increase of pressure on his cock made Shane drop his mouth open in a ragged inhale. “You’re not wrong.”

\------------

“There was a crop circle reported yesterday in Petaluma.”

The spike of fear and drip of adrenaline made Shane sigh. “Are you seriously reading about crop circles while sticking a butt plug in me?”

Ryan didn’t even look up from his phone as he pressed said plug a little further in. Shane hung his head at the sensation, sweat dripping down his nose to land on the pillow. Gross.

“You know most crop circles are just people screwing around, right?”

Ryan stopped, his wide-eyed gaze suddenly on Shane. “What do you mean, ‘most’?!”

Shane groaned, balancing his weight on one hand to jerk himself roughly. “Ryan now is not the time.”

Citrusy curiosity climbed up the roof of his mouth. “So some of them actually are aliens?”

“How am I supposed to know? I don’t- “ Shane gasped, near brutal with his grip. “I don’t make a habit of- _fuck_\- I don’t make a habit of asking about it at our annual potlucks.”

Ryan started to tug on the plug with aching slowness. “I hate when Valiant Thor brings his weird slime bowls,” he said with quiet cheer, enjoying the bit far too much while doing such dirty things.

“What, are you calling Chris Hemsworth an alien?”

“No, Valiant Thor, the Venusian that met with Eisenhower.”

“Venusian? What the _fuck_ are you talking-” Shane came with a strangled choking noise, nearly collapsing onto his face.

Ryan thoughtfully tapped on the base of the plug, making Shane whine. “You just shot your load while talking to me about alien conspiracies. I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more.”

“Fuck,” Shane said with feeling.

\-------------------

“Shane,” Ryan hissed, his face lit up by the glow of his phone in the darkness of the room. He wriggled against the press of Shane’s cock, but he kept insisting he wasn’t too sore to be fucked and Shane had given up arguing with him.

Ryan just felt way too good on his cock.

“There’s a cattle mutilation that happened this morning in Victorville.”

“If it was physically possible for me to lose my boner right now-”

“That’s really close,” Ryan interrupted him. “I don’t like that this shit is getting closer. They’re signs, abductions are going to happen-”

Shane’s grip on Ryan’s hip was probably bruising, but he was already on the edge and he really wanted to get the taste of fear out of his mouth. He took what he knew about Ryan, added a twist of his faint but real annoyance, and growled in Ryan’s ear, “The only alien that’s going to be abducting you is _me_ if you don’t shut up about it for five minutes.”

He was a little proud of the bolt of pepper that burned his tongue.

Ryan’s phone fell to the mattress and onto the floor as Ryan squirmed under him, his eyes wide. “Shut up, don’t try to scare me with that.”

“How many times do I have to remind you that I can literally taste how turned you on?” Shane asked, smug under the boiling need that was rising up again.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“My people don’t actually do the whole abduction thing, but for you, maybe we can make an exception.”

“Shut up, Shane!”

\------------------

Shane’s alarm woke him up and he had no idea where he was or what time it was for a long moment. All he knew was the fire in his gut and lining each limb, the painful hardness of his dick and the thirst that somehow managed to outweigh all of it.

Ryan grumbled something unintelligible and pushed at him to turn his alarm off. The only thing that kept Shane from grabbing him and rutting against his body was the horrific dryness of his throat.

He felt feverish, too hot for his skin. He somehow stumbled naked out of the bed and into the kitchen to slam back two glasses of water with barely a pause for breath, swallowing such huge gulps that it hurt. Then he turned unerringly back towards the bedroom, thirst taken care of so that he could go back to satisfying a different kind of need.

And he nearly tripped over Ryan, who had somehow followed him out without him noticing.

Not that it mattered. He’d fuck in the kitchen, the table was probably sturdy enough. Or the floor could work, too, his back wouldn’t appreciate it, but-

“Maybe we should call off today,” Ryan said, his eyes narrowed as he studied Shane. The air tasted like concern, but all Shane could focus on was the coolness of Ryan’s skin as he pulled the man forward, running his hands across strong shoulders and a well-muscled back over and over again. He needed to touch, he needed more, and the idea of work was-

Wait.

No. No, he wasn’t that far gone, he could work. He could get through a day like a normal human-

Like a normal person that wasn’t ruled by their sexual needs.

“I can go to work, I’m fine.” His voice was shot to hell, an ugly, dry croak.

Ryan stared at him for a moment. And then he grabbed Shane’s cock and tugged once, twice.

Shane orgasmed so hard that it left him trembling. There was absolutely no relief but he did abruptly feel like he was going to pass out.

“God damn it,” he whispered, staring down at the drops of his jizz on the floor. “I should be coming down from it all now. I shouldn’t be this-” He waved his aimlessly, unable to articulate his weariness. “I’m… exhausted.”

“Sexhaustion,” Ryan said sagely, far too witty for so early in the morning.

Shane’s laugh was painful to hear. “Patent that, quick.”

Ryan made a face and turned away to wash his hands, but then led Shane back into the bedroom, patient and damn near gentle. “Sleep while you can. I’ll call off for both of us.”

“Ryan, no, don’t-”

“Nope,” Ryan said simply. His care melted sweet and mellow. “You’re in no condition to be seen in public right now, big guy.”

Shane had to admit that he didn’t put up much of a fight.

He knew it had been the right choice when he woke up from a light doze and pounced Ryan like his brain was nothing but a cluster of instincts and need. It was only the fact that Ryan was still slick from the night’s bouts of sex that kept it from being too painful for either of them when he pushed in. His fingers found Ryan’s rim warm and puffy to the touch when he felt where Ryan was stretched around him, but there was only murmured encouragement and snark for the rest of the day.

There was no annoyance or fear or anger and Shane was incredibly thankful for it when he could think to be.

“Thank God, you’re getting soft,” Ryan muttered around dinnertime, his whole body relaxing in relief.

Shane sighed against Ryan’s neck in his own relief. “Hallelujah.”

\-------------

It was the darkest part of the night when Shane woke up from his first real sleep in days. He was curled around Ryan, his hard cock against the man’s ass.

And for once, the arousal felt normal. Or as close to normal as it got for him.

He lay there for a few minutes, taking pleasure in the opportunity to simply exist, slid his fingers lightly up Ryan’s arm, unsurprised when Ryan slept on. It was clear that the guy was, to put it lightly, plum tuckered out.

Shane hesitated, warring with the wish to let Ryan rest and the arousal that he selfishly wanted to indulge in. To actually enjoy.

“Ryan,” he whispered, half expecting it would take far more than that to wake him up.

He was surprised when Ryan pressed his head further into the pillow, his breathing changing. “Hmm?”

“I… Can I?”

It was barely a sentence, but Ryan just pushed himself half onto his side, half on his stomach, and slung his leg out, leaving him completely exposed. “Do whatever, I’m sleeping,” he muttered.

Shane swallowed hard, his hand automatically coming to rest on Ryan’s side. “Are you sure?”

Ryan barely cracked one eyelid open. “Fuck me, you big goober.”

“Your insults need work when you’re tired,” Shane returned, but for all intents and purposes, it looked like Ryan was already asleep again.

For some reason Shane’s chest was tight as he reached behind himself for the lube. He felt furtive and more filthy than he had felt during the entirety of his cycle when he rubbed the cold, slick liquid down the length of his cock. Which made no sense when Ryan had clearly given him permission. But there was something dirty about flexing his fingers against the flesh of Ryan’s ass while the guy was asleep. About coming to his knees with soft rustling sounds and pushing in as slowly as he physically could.

The initial short, restrained thrust made Ryan’s breathing hitch and his body slump further onto his stomach, but other than a quiet, nearly pained noise in the back of his throat, he did nothing else.

All of his emotions were the hazy, muted flavors of sleep, and while Shane didn’t think he was truly asleep, it was obvious Ryan wasn’t awake, either. There was a thrill to the entire endeavor that Shane didn’t know how to handle.

Slow-building need made his hands shake as he gradually slid further into Ryan’s heat. Ryan was so pliant and relaxed that it took little effort to push to the hilt, fully seated. It suddenly became imperative that he not do anything to wake Ryan up, and his focus fell into the measured, slow, unhurried push and pull. The soft grasp along the length of his cock and the steady, _steady_ breathing of Ryan’s ribs against the feather-light touch of his fingertips.

In a way, it was calming. His arousal rose in shallow increments, and when he finally came, the only indication was the flood of heat and liquid and the quiet noises of their bodies meeting becoming even filthier, but he didn’t stop gently rocking in and out. It was a game of bare inches, a pronounced grind, and he sometimes had to stop just to _feel_ the way Ryan was settled so easily under him.

He was lost in the moment and he couldn’t care that it was sappy of him to feel privileged and loved because Ryan trusted him with this. Shane pressed a kiss to Ryan’s spine, his heart beating hard when Ryan shifted, moving his hips. It wasn’t a reaction to the cock in his ass, but a way to get more comfortable while lying on his stomach, and for some reason the fact made Shane smile. He came again some time later, though he couldn’t have said if it had been an hour or minutes, and finally convinced himself to pull out. The delicate brush of his knuckles between Ryan's thighs let him know that Ryan was a complete mess, and he wished he dared to turn on the light to see it.

For the first time in days, he was the one with enough presence of mind to find a washcloth and wipe them both down. He was far gentler with Ryan.

It wasn’t cold in the room, but he took special care in bringing the sheet up and tucking it around Ryan, an unspoken thank-you for the sheer amount of help the guy had been during the whole chaotic mess.

Shane fell asleep next to Ryan in clean sweats and clean boxers and, quite frankly, felt like a million bucks.

\------------------

Something was wrong.

Something was _very wrong_.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t move or that his nose was filled with the pungent, sharp smell of urine and what he could only think of as cinnamon. It wasn’t the blindingly bright light outside of his window despite the darkness in the room. It wasn’t even the bile-inducing taste of Ryan’s fear crawling so thick down his throat that he would have gagged if he had been able to move.

It was the metallic flavor of vague interest that lay under Ryan’s fear.

The kind of metallic flavor Shane had only ever associated with the Grays.

Dark silhouettes hovered on the edge of his vision.

They had to be figments of his imagination, this had to be sleep paralysis, there was no way this was real, he would just blink and they would be gone-

He couldn’t blink.

_He couldn’t blink_.

As soon as the thought registered, he felt the pressure of long spindly fingers touch his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In semi-related news, I'm moving tomorrow. Stressful, but now I have a balcony. The lofty goals of apartment-dwelling millenials, right? Which is to say, I can't promise much about update timing. We're crossing so many fingers that my excitement over the cliffhanger will lead to it being soon. 
> 
> Thank you so much, y'all. You're pretty darn neat. <3
> 
> (I'd also like to thank the various paranormal podcasts I listen to, because I'm sure this is _exactly_ what they'd want me to do with this information.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Read the tags~

Irritating pain was the first thing Shane noticed.

His neck ached. A dull throb that felt like he had been stabbed with something small. It made him grimace as he slowly drifted out of sleep, twitching uncomfortably to try and relieve the pain.

The second thing he noticed was that he was definitely not on his bed. And he was naked.

There was nothing between him and the surface of whatever hard thing he was on. Only a thin sheet covered his front.

The fear that rose up in his throat as that realization set in was oddly distant and Shane could only be thankful for the distance. Terror wouldn’t help him think. He managed to open his eyes, his second set of eyelids sliding closed in response to the bright light directly above him. He tried to squint to make out details, but without his glasses, everything was a blur of shapes and lights.

God, something smelled bad.

Sight and smell weren’t doing him much good, but there was something else that was registering on his other senses.

Every space-faring race had their own craft. Their own technology. No one planet used the exact same design as another’s when building spaceships. Everything was different, from the shape to the propulsion to the techniques used to replicate gravity.

Shane had been on Gray ships twice as a child, long before the move to Earth had become permanent. They had a distinct, low vibration that droned on and on, barely in the range of hearing for human or Theemin. He could only figure that it didn’t bother the Grays because they just didn’t hear it.

It took only a few seconds of blurry consciousness for Shane to realize that he was on one of those ships. That particular hum was memorable.

His first thought was to call out. There was something about the entire situation that felt like waking up in a medical facility, because such an experience was damn near universal. Shane wanted answers and he wanted them now and surely there was an explanation behind this literal abduction.

The taste stopped him. A pickled flavor that sat heavy on his tongue.

Bright, pungent, sour fear that was quickly dissipating, but if he could still taste it, whoever had caused that fear had felt it recently. And it was distinctly human.

His heart thumped harder in his side before he realized that the flavor was not familiar and therefore couldn’t have been Ryan’s. As much as he didn’t like the confusing, weird, bug-fuck crazy situation he had found himself in, he could only hope that Ryan wasn’t somewhere in the ship with him.

Shane took a deep breath, forcing his mind to work on the problem at hand and not to dwell on the what-ifs and reasons. He was laying down on something hard and uncomfortable. Unyielding metal that pressed against the skin of his entire back side. Some kind of device hung above him, but he couldn’t see the details.

Other than the low vibration of the ship, he couldn’t hear anything. No footsteps or voices or even the beeping of equipment. So he gingerly sat up, the rustle of the sheet covering him loud in the large room. He held his breath as he sat his foot down on the floor.

The floor was hard, but warm. Like living flesh made metal. It would have been incredibly disconcerting if he didn’t have bigger issues to deal with.

Like where his clothes were. Grays didn’t have the same sensibilities as humans, but they also didn’t make a habit of taking clothing. Or at least, not that he knew of.

Unfortunately, squinting at the blurry shapes around the room wasn’t doing him any good. Shane slid off what could have only been called an examining table, trying not to think about the fact that he had _been on an examining table_. If he thought about that for too long, he knew he would panic and freeze.

He wrapped the thin sheet around his waist, gathering it at his hip in one fist. It threatened to trip him as he walked as quietly as possible towards the closest thing that looked vaguely like an info screen, but he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of walking around naked.

There was a smooth, clear panel set into one wall, and he leaned forward to make it out, his nose a few inches away from the glass-like material to see if he could spot anything recognizable. His neck prickled from the imagined feel of someone watching him, and for one second, he wallowed in his own fear. Acrid and constant, something he couldn’t swallow to get rid of.

Shane closed his eyes for a moment, drew in a long breath through his nose, and deliberately sat his hand on the screen.

Multiple things happened at once.

A soft chime sounded through the room, the light from above somehow grew even brighter, and the panel lit up with a myriad of symbols and screens; symbols that were a distant memory from his childhood.

And his hand was red.

Shane stared, completely dumbfounded, at the liquid red of his nail-less hand, then quickly felt for the implant under his ear, nearly dropping the sheet in the process. His fingertips met a sore, barely healed cut on his neck and he hissed at the pain, but continued to prod the area anyways.

His mind went blank when he realized the implant was gone.

Taken.

Without it, there was no way to hide who he really was. To look human.

He stood there for some time, his second eyelids shuttered hard as he willed his breathing to steady, ignoring the wet heat that pressed against his eyes. There would, presumably, be time for that later, after he had figured out where the everliving fuck he was and how he could get off the ship.

Carefully ignoring the fact that he may not even be in Earth’s orbit anymore, he finally let go of his neck and tapped symbols in front of him that he barely remembered, trying to bring up any information that could help him.

It felt weird to poke around the system of a technology that he had only used a handful of times. Not just because of the different language and settings, but because he had grown used to the haptic feedback of human cellphones and the complete lack of any resistance that characterized his people’s holograms. It currently felt like he was just pawing at a sheet of glass and it was such a tiny thing that he was growing annoyed with himself for even thinking about it.

Shaking his head sharply, he focused back on the screen, laboriously hitting every symbol that he thought he recognized and hoping he wasn’t somehow tripping any alarms. He kept at it with grim tenacity, though he was most likely doing nothing more than fucking around with the ship’s equivalent of Alexa.

Shane tasted the mellow curiosity before he heard the footsteps, but he startled nonetheless when a soft voice said behind him, “What information are you looking for, Shane of Earth?”

He whirled and nearly tripped over the tangled up sheet under his feet, reaching out blindly to steady himself on the warm, metal wall next to the screen.

Through his squinted eyes, he saw a tall, blonde woman, and at first he felt nothing but sheer relief, momentarily forgetting that he was on a Gray ship or that most humans would not be watching him with such dull, nearly tasteless curiosity while he was missing his hologram and clearly not human.

Then he registered the faint, alkali flavor under her bland emotions, and he had to carefully arrange his face into polite blankness to keep from revealing his sudden fearful distrust.

This ‘woman’ was not human and was probably one of the contingent of alien species that worked with the Grays. A contingent that was distressingly large for how apathetically immoral the Grays were. Because if nothing else, they were _thorough_ scientists and more than one group had taken advantage of the fact.

“Health to you and yours,” Shane said after a moment, the phrase awkward on his tongue as he fought not to demand answers. He wanted nothing more than to immediately start yelling at the woman until she told him everything he wanted to know, but there were few species that responded well to such a burst of emotion. “Can you-” He paused and took a deep breath, evening out his voice. “Will you tell me where we are?”

“On the observation level of an Octan science vessel.” Her English sounded like it had been learned from a text-to-speech program, but it didn’t have the delay that a universal translator would have had.

Shane’s hand tightened in the cloth at his hip.

“And where in the universe is that?”

The woman swayed closer, her movements somehow graceful and stilted at the same time. “We are in orbit around the planet.”

Shane carefully kept his hope down. “Which planet?”

Now uncomfortably close to him, her emotions gaining a hint of confusion, she said, “The planet of Earth.”

It was hard to feel any real relief that he hadn’t left the galaxy when she was close enough that he was beginning to be able to make out features. She was beautiful and wrong, the uncanny valley brought to its most unsettling peak. He could taste that her emotions were real, that she wasn’t as robotic as the Grays, but he was going to throw a wild guess out there and assume she was using a hologram.

Not that he really cared. He had bigger things to think about.

“I would like to go home to Earth,” he said firmly.

“You will be returned.”

Shane wanted badly to step away from her, but his stubbornness wouldn’t let him give ground. “Now.”

“Soon.”

Because that wasn’t ominous as fuck. “Why am I here?”

“Observation.”

Alright, now she was just being creepy on purpose, she had to be. “Why did you take my implant?” he asked in a voice that was steady through sheer will alone, his careful veneer of calm cracking under the frustration and growing headache from constant squinting and the woman’s unending stare. “Where are my clothes? My glasses?”

She blinked slowly, like someone had told her how it was done. It brought attention to her blue eyes that were an intensity in color no human could have. “Your garments were in the way.”

The words sent spikes of adrenaline straight down Shane’s spine, pooling into nausea. Up until that point, his fear had been a distant thing. He had been more annoyed than truly afraid, more than a little tempted to march his way through the ship to demand answers and a way home.

Doubt that he was in a position to do such a thing began to layer the roof of his mouth with that one sentence.

“The way of what?” he managed to choke out, resolutely _not_ thinking about anything that could have been done to him.

“The Octans were not able to scan you and your human traits until your garments were removed.”

“I am _Theemin_,” Shane spat, his voice raising in register, breaking as he began to lose control. He waved his free, bright red hand to emphasize his point. “Give me my glasses and the implant and take me home.”

She reached out to touch him and Shane jerked away. “No,” she said calmly, her confusion growing. It tasted horrible. She returned her arm to her side like a particularly graceful puppet. “You are more human than Theemin. Your genetic makeup is fascinating.”

It was disgusting that her interest tasted genuine. “Please,” he said softly, swallowing, his panic making his gorge rise. “Just let me go home.” He could replace the implant and his glasses, but if he couldn’t figure out the Gray’s computers, he wouldn’t be able to move the ship by himself. This wasn’t a sci-fi movie and he wasn’t an intrepid spaceship pilot. He had spent most of his time off planet studying human culture, not flight systems.

“Be calm,” the woman said. She took a step closer, causing the exact opposite reaction from her words. Shane stumbled over the sheet to get away from her, and she paused. “Do you not find me attractive? Does my appearance not relax you?”

“I can’t even _see you_, lady,” Shane said somewhat inanely. Before he could say anything else, a section of the wall that he had thought featureless retracted soundlessly to the side and three Grays entered the room in their stilted gait.

Three Grays whose metallic emotions tasted familiar. And there weren’t many Grays that Shane could say he recognized.

“You?” he asked, incredulous despite the fact that it made a sick kind of sense.

They ignored his question and marched towards him, their eyes somehow bigger than they really were, filling his vision, endless darkness that hypnotized and calmed and-

His second set of eyelids slid closed and his mind cleared with a shock like a splash of ice cold water down the back of the neck.

The record scratch moment of the Gray’s going completely still as their control broke would have been funny if Shane hadn’t been rapidly backing away.

The lead Gray separated from the other two, spindly fingers up in a gesture Shane didn’t know. “You are fascinating.”

“I’m flattered, guys, really, but I can already tell I’m going to get tired of hearing that.” It was instinct even in the middle of the situation to start to turn his head to the side, to look to Ryan for an acknowledgement of the joke, for a semblance of calm, for guidance. His own disappointment was thick on his tongue, layered over the fear.

“Allow us to control you, Shane of Earth,” the leader said. Shane had been living on Earth for long enough that the lack of movement of their mouths was seen through a human lens and he couldn't help but find it disturbing. It only added to the sheer disturbing nature of what was being said to him. “You will not remember.”

Shane scoffed, locking his knees to keep from backing away any further. If they kept slowly chasing him around the room, the situation would just devolve into a farce. “There are way too many bad ‘documentaries’ about you guys for me to think that I wouldn’t remember.”

They merely stared at him and he bit his lip to keep from saying anything else. Sarcasm and colloquialism rarely got through.

“Allow us to control you.”

Shane shook his head, his second set of eyelids closed as tightly as he could get them. The thin membrane didn’t make his sight any better, but he figured it was better to be damn near blind than under whatever form of mind control they had. _Fuck_, maybe he should have paid more attention to Ryan’s alien conspiracy ramblings, then he might have had an idea of what the Grays could and couldn’t do.

Well, no, probably not. Ryan’s ‘research’ was usually questionable at best.

“Give me my glasses back.”

“Then you will cooperate?” The leader asked, eyes still large and dark, a sucking well that he could easily fall into.

Shane shrugged, forgetting for a moment that they would not understand the gesture. “More likely to.”

There was a heady silence that was weirdly loud, a swirl of something that was almost like taste that tickled the back of Shane’s mind, then one of the three walked out of the room.

The next few, long minutes were awkward as everyone stared at each other, but every time Shane tried to ask a question, he was met by the continued unblinking stares of the two Grays and the bemused interest of the woman.

Finally, when Shane thought he was going to literally snap, the door slid open and the third Gray returned. They held his glasses in their long spindly fingers like it was a possible weapon.

Shane snatched his glasses as soon as they were offered, jamming them onto his face with a sigh of relief and biting back the nervous, sarcastic question of whether the Gray had had to travel the entire length of the ship to get the damn things.

The blur from his second eyelids was still there, but everything coming into focus was a relief that made his shoulders drop. He wanted to take a look at his surroundings, to see if he could find some kind of clue or maybe a second screen that he would have better luck with, but he didn’t dare take his attention off the others.

“Shane of Earth-”

The woman stepped forward, interrupting the leader. Her interest had grown to the point that it was nearly human in its intensity, an alien flavor reminiscent of citrus that dripped down his throat. “Humans are sight predators.”

“Ah, yes?” Shane leaned back, though he didn’t give up ground.

“You need a device to bring your vision to acceptable human levels.”

Shane didn’t have a response to that.

“Theemins do not need their vision corrected. And yet your creators chose to give you such a human characteristic.” She paused like she was waiting for him to reply, her expression more alive than it had been.

Being regarded with such intense interest from Ryan was cute. Damn near flattering. Being a specimen for a presumed scientist from a member of a species that he didn’t recognize was becoming irritatingly nerve-wracking.

Shane swallowed. “Look, I don’t know what you want-”

“We have already taken a sample of DNA-”

“You _what_?”

“But our research into the compatibility of human traits with higher beings would be advanced exponentially if we had full access to an example of Theemin-”

The three Grays turned their heads at the same time, making the woman fall silent. Their perfect synchronicity was more reminiscent of machines than living people, and Shane couldn’t help but watch in something close to sick awe as they walked off as one.

A shudder went through the ship, so gentle it was barely felt above the usual vibration, but it was one that Shane knew from years ago. Another ship had docked with the one they were on.

And he had a sudden, crazy idea.

If the people on the new ship were a race friendly to Theemin…

“Get me my clothes,” he said to the woman, unable to hide the way his voice went high-pitched from his pleading, but he could only hope she didn’t know much about human reactions. “And maybe I’ll cooperate with you.”

He held his breath as she thought this over, her expression blank. “You will be more agreeable?”

“Yes,” he let out in a rush. _Calm it down, don’t show your hand_. “The human cultures I’ve grown used to are more comfortable with clothing.”

Her eyes lit up, there was no other way to describe it. “Is _that_ why they’re always so covered? Will you tell me more when I have returned?”

“Yeah, sure,” Shane nodded, biting his lip against agreeing any more and resisting the urge to make shooing motions. A few species had no real concept of lying, though they understood the academic idea of it. As long as she didn’t suspect anything, he had the slightest chance of getting out of the room.

As soon as the door slid shut behind her, Shane rushed over to the screen, readjusting the cloth around his waist and knotting it closed to free up both hands.

With his glasses back, he was able to see the entirety of the screen, and it helped him remember a few more steps, a few more symbols and what they likely meant. But it didn’t take long for him to realize that while he could figure out how to request the nutritional mush the Grays preferred and how to look up information, he wasn’t able to bring up a floor layout or map of the ship. He slammed his palm flat against the wall in frustration, swearing under his breath.

Shane started to pace in agitation, wracking his brain for ideas. At first he avoided the examination table in the center of the room, but he came closer and closer to it out of morbid fascination with each pass.

It had taken the Gray who had retrieved his glasses a long time to get back, and if the woman was going to the same place, he still had a couple of minutes, but that was it. Fuck, what was the point of getting her out of the room if he couldn’t even take advantage of it?

He eyed a few unfamiliar instruments out of the idea that they could make weapons, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to that. The woman was creepy as all get out, but she had yet to do anything terrible.

That he knew of.

Shane pushed that thought away and deliberately stopped thinking about weapons. For now. If the time came for it, he hoped he wouldn’t hesitate, but he didn’t think he dared to cooperate with them in the hopes that they really would return him to Earth. The Grays’ idea of time did not always mesh with the idea of time that he was used to. ‘Soon’ could mean years from now.

He had a working theory building that when his mother had asked for help with delivering his pills all those weeks ago, it had inadvertently brought him to the attention of the Grays. And the Grays were already known for their experiments with humans, and what was he if not a particularly successful experiment?

Good odds existed they would want to study him until they had learned all that they could. Vivisection was probably off the table, but being kidnapped by the Grays was barely a step above being kidnapped by a human government.

Nothing but a science experiment for every species. A real live boy who was the product of ‘what if?’

Shane pushed the bitterness of his own emotions away, ignoring how they tasted on his tongue. Yes, he was an experiment, but he had never once doubted that his parents loved him, no matter how he had come to be. He also knew that he represented an attempt to integrate his people with humanity, no matter the implications of that, and he didn’t think that was too shabby of a reason for existing.

His shoulders relaxed as he remembered his parents. There was no way that they wouldn’t eventually notice he was missing. Hell, if the Grays hadn’t done something to fuck with Ryan’s mind, the guy had probably already called his parents. He just had to wait.

Oh thank God, he just had to wait.

Most of the tension drained out of Shane, and he let out a long, gusty sigh. All he had to do was stall for time and someone would show up eventually.

He rubbed one hand over his forehead and sighed in annoyance at himself for getting so worked up, pushing his hair back from the bumps at the top of his head as he sat his other hand on the examining table-

-_muted horror, terror that built and built and did not crest, the emotion behind a wall but somehow all the worse for it._

_Pain, pain in his stomach, please, please make it stop, what did they want, why couldn’t he move_-

Shane flung his hand back so hard that he stumbled backwards, landing on his ass, palms splayed behind him on the oddly warm metal of the floor as he stared in shock at the table.

Only the knowledge that the woman was coming back and that he absolutely refused to go through whatever that poor bastard had experienced snapped Shane out of his abrupt, frozen, panicked state.

He looked around wildly, for one insane moment hoping against hope that somehow he wasn’t alone and he wouldn’t have to get himself out of this mess by himself. Shane had always been the type to look towards others for guidance in an emergency situation, and he had to bite back a shaking breath that would have ended in a sob when he realized he had no one to rely on but himself. He couldn’t afford to go catatonic.

The way his hand seemed to tingle gave him another idea, but this was one that he hated.

Clambering ungracefully to his feet, Shane strode towards the hidden door, surprised and relieved when it opened at his approach.

He also felt a little stupid that he hadn’t tried that earlier, but he honestly hadn’t thought the door would work for him. The Grays obviously expected their abductees to stay hypnotized- or whatever it was that was done to them.

Knowing full well that he probably looked like something from a cartoon, Shane stuck his head out the door, looking both ways before edging out into the hallway. Gray ships were built in spirals that were occasionally bisected by crossing passageways, and it was incredibly easy to get lost in them. Without a map, he could wander forever and never find where the other ship was docked.

Grays were coldly logical, however, and if they took their terrorized abductees in the most direct route to the ‘observation’ room…

Bracing himself as best he could, he ran his fingertips along the warm wall, both dreading and hoping that he would pick something up. As far as he was aware, for his stupid postcognition to work, it required physical touch left by the other person, but it was possible such a touch existed. That was what he told himself.

Picking a direction at random, he began to walk, never taking his hand off the wall. If nothing else, he could follow the age-old maze advice of keeping one hand on the wall the entire time and hopefully he wouldn’t go in complete circles. He knew that the connecting dock wouldn’t be behind a door, so at least he wouldn’t have to search every single room. At least he had that going for him.

He didn’t run into anyone else, but Gray ships were designed to be operated by a minimum number of people. The three he knew could have been the only ones there. And the blonde ‘woman’, of course.

Who was she? He hadn’t bothered to ask her name or where she was from, because he frankly didn’t care, but maybe he should have. More information was probably handy.

Fuck, he was bad in emergency situations. What he wouldn’t give for Ryan. The guy could become terrified from a gust of wind, but he also never let that stop him. If anyone could bluster their way out of an alien abduction, Shane thought it could be Ryan.

Except that the only thing that seemed to keep the Grays from controlling Shane was some quirk of his biology, so Ryan wouldn’t actually be any help, would he?

Maybe he was just lonely.

Actually, he was still in the tail end of his cycle. Why wasn’t he unreasonably horny?

Not that Shane _wanted_ to be thinking with his dick while the unwilling guest of the Three Stooges and Lucille Ball.

His musings, driven just as much by a need to ignore his panicking as by his curiosity, were interrupted when a drip of vinegary fear trickled down his throat.

It was old and faded, but it was clearly a human emotion that he was tasting.

Before he could overthink it or let his own fear stop him, Shane slid his palm up and down the wall as quickly as he could, tapping his naked toes into the floor on the off chance that-

-_knees throbbed in pain from hitting the metal floor so hard, but he was free, he had to run._

_He scrabbled at the slick metal, fingertips skittering as he heaved himself to his feet, taking advantage of the alien thing’s surprise to lurch into an ungainly run._

_Endless hallways, so much ammonia that each breath choked him, he needed to get out, he needed to run, run, he thought he remembered walking this direction_-

Shane tripped forward, moving his heel off the spot on the floor that dripped with desperate fear. He gulped in several deep breaths, continuing to stumble down the hallway, both to get away from the memory and because it had cemented his need to get away.

God, he really hoped whatever ship was docked with them was someone friendly, because he refused to contemplate being stuck with the Grays.

At an intersection he nearly broke down from sheer indecision, each hallway looking identical to the other.

His fingers trembled as he knelt down in the center of the floor, tears leaking slowly from under his second eyelids. He brushed his fingertips down the metal, giving himself a headache as he concentrated on the feeling that overwhelmed him when he saw someone else’s memories, straining his mind, both hoping and dreading-

-_They were coming to take him away, he could hear them, he could feel them in his mind, getting closer and closer_.

_Madre de Dios, please, he didn’t want to remember, he couldn’t go through that again, he wanted to go home, why did they take him_-

“Fuck,” Shane swore, standing and wobbling away. Not that hallway. Definitely not that hallway.

An echo of someone else’s pain stabbed through his stomach and he hunched forward, picking up his pace.

Gibbering panic started to build, a continuous whisper that he wouldn’t be able to escape until they let him go, that he was doomed to endure whatever the poor stranger he was witnessing the memories of had endured.

It was hard to shove those thoughts away when he swore he really was going in circles. He knew the Grays ship wasn’t _that_ big. How the hell had he gotten lost?

He was so focused on keeping on his feet and marching forward that he nearly tripped when he rounded a corner and the hallway opened up into a large, echoing room. It looked like a storage space, but there was a scattering of large mechanisms and the workings of what he knew was a ramp and-

Five humanoid figures.

Two of whom he recognized instantly.

“Mom?” Shane croaked, too low for anyone to have heard him. “Rya-” he whispered, the name falling into silence, unsure for one crazed moment if he had gone insane.

The combined flavors of determination and fear, the latter so familiar that he would have known it in his sleep, made Shane break from the alcove he was in, holding the tangle of the sheet out of his way as he ran forward.

It wasn’t until he was halfway across the distance that anyone noticed him, and he was too busy beelining straight for his mother to entirely process the way Ryan jerked back at his abrupt appearance.

“Mom-” He choked out again, a little child coming to a parent for safety.

His mother’s eyes were bright when she turned to him, her emotions flooding with such strong relief that it was all he could taste. Her face was blank when she gently chided, “It’s rude to interrupt, Shane,” but he could read both her love and her attempt at humor to calm him down.

Since he didn’t give a flying fuck what the Grays thought, he practically flung himself at her in a hug. It was a distinctly human move, but he needed the contact.

While she had never been the most comfortable with the gesture, his mother returned the embrace willingly, humming a buzzing note that reminded him of being a toddler soothed to sleep on a desert planet.

A drip of hot fear and nervous adrenaline that wasn’t his own coated the back of his throat, and Shane stiffened when he heard a quiet, questioning whisper of his name.

His mother pulled back, her emotions gaining a wry flavor as she leaned the side of her head against Shane’s, locking their hands together in a welcoming pose. It was a far more traditional greeting for family on Theemin, but he didn’t know of any human cultures that did that exact same thing and Shane was suddenly all too aware of how very red his fingers were.

“Did you have to bring him?” he mumbled to his mother in their language, his voice shaking and weak.

Her laugh was equally quiet. “Your partner is as stubborn as you. I think he would have tried to stowaway if I hadn’t brought him.”

“He’s never seen me,” Shane admitted, his skin crawling with the knowledge that Ryan was staring hard at both of them.

“He tastes like he’s about to shit himself, so I gathered that.”

Shane’s surprised bark of laughter startled Ryan, which he felt a weird guilt over, but it also prompted the Grays’ leader to say in English, “Your debt is not paid to us, Cher-ikk-ikk-s.”

His mother turned, placing herself in front of Shane. “My offspring was never a part of the agreement and you will be hearing from our council. Where is his holographic implant?”

“Destroyed when we removed it,” the Gray intoned.

Shane and his mother exchanged glances, the lie obvious. After a second, Shane shook his head. It wasn’t worth it to argue over a piece of technology that most of Theemin considered obsolete.

And it wasn’t like it would do him much good when it was easily replaced by his family and Ryan already knew what he looked like.

There were a few more vague insults and threats exchanged, but Shane lost the thread of the argument very quickly, the stubborn, scared energy that had kept him going draining out of him now that he knew his mother was there to take care of everything.

He wanted _badly_ to reach for Ryan’s hand, to take comfort in the man’s presence, but Ryan was awkwardly standing away from all of them, the only human in a ship full of ‘aliens’. Whenever Shane risked a glance over, he was met by wide eyes and a spike of vinegar.

After the third time, he stopped looking at Ryan.

He couldn’t deal with the dread of losing him after all of this.

Whatever negotiations needed to be done were finally finished, and Shane felt a vague worry that he should have been paying more attention, but it was all he could do to blindly follow his mother and try not to flinch when Ryan side-stepped away from both of them.

It wasn’t until they were on his mother’s small ship, one that Shane hadn’t been on in years, that he gathered the courage to say anything.

“Awfully quiet over there,” he said, the words directed more towards a wall than Ryan.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand warm and clammy with sweat touched the naked skin of the small of his back. Shane hadn’t been willing to stick around to harass the Grays into giving him his boxers back. They could keep his damn underwear for all he cared.

“Are… Are you okay?” Ryan asked quietly, his bubbling daring at odds to the vinegar and sweetness of genuine care.

Shane held himself rigid against his first instinct of turning and diving in for a hug. He wasn’t going to push Ryan. Not when both of them were probably one bad joke away from imploding. “Been better,” he muttered.

Ryan’s hand pressed flat against his spine.

Shane let out a long sigh, letting his head hang down as he leaned into the contact.

“So this is… you.”

It was hard not to tense up in reflex. He spread his hands, but didn’t turn to face Ryan. “Ta-dah.”

“I know I’ve made jokes about how red you get when you sunburn, but this is ridiculous.”

The words tumbled out like Ryan had been holding them in for the last hour, breathy and shaky with concerned snark.

Shane surprised himself by laughing, rubbing his hand over his face until the sound was muffled and tired. “I knew I should have wore sunscreen.”

“Shane.”

“Hmm?”

“Shane, come on, look at me.”

But he really didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to see the expression to match the fear.

“Please, just-”

Ryan tugged on his hand, guiding him into a turn. Shane expected Ryan’s usual face of bravery and stubborn care, and he braced himself for some well-meaning comment.

He wasn’t prepared for the way Ryan suddenly crushed himself to his chest, his hands clamped on either side of Shane’s back, his mouth pressed uncomfortably against Shane’s collarbone.

“I was so fucking worried,” Ryan whispered, muffled and trembling. “I woke up and you were gone and I knew it wasn’t a dream, I fucking knew-” He gulped and fell silent, tightening his hold around Shane’s ribs.

Gingerly, afraid that _this_ was a dream, Shane wrapped his arm around Ryan’s shoulders, resting his cheek on Ryan’s head. He closed his eyes because for some reason he couldn’t stand to see bright, wet red against the prosaic black of Ryan’s shirt. “I’m here,” he said quietly, drinking in the taste of Ryan’s love under the mess of other emotions. “You saved me. Thank you. My big strong hero.”

Ryan snorted a wet-sounding laugh. “Your mom did most of it.”

“Oh, I know, but I thought I would throw you a bone. Make you feel better about standing around doing nothing.”

“Shane?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m on a _spaceship_,” Ryan hissed. “In _space_. Stop ruining the buzz.”

“Well, orbit isn’t really space-”

“Shut up.”

\--------------------------

“Three days,” Shane repeated incredulously, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

Ryan looked up from the hologram he had been staring at, his eyebrows raised. “That doesn’t sound that bad?”

Flinging himself onto the couch that looked out of place amongst the sleekness of Theemin technology, Shane muttered petulantly, “It only took them a day to put it in my neck last time.” He knew the delay was so that they could test his brand-spankin’ new ability to see human memories, but he didn’t feel like getting into that with Ryan. Later, he knew he would have to explain, but it seemed like too much to go over.

“Not sure why you would want to leave so soon, though.” Ryan pressed a button, the hologram in front of him changing to some movie. He had learned the basics remarkably quickly, and after the first hour of staring wide-eyed at the occasional Theemin that lived in the cluster of underground buildings they claimed as their own under Lake Michigan, most of his attention had been on poking around the various gadgets. "It's like living in a Best Buy, but somehow less creepy."

Shane grunted noncommittally. None of it held any interest for him. Sure, it was good to see his parents again, but the fact that he couldn’t leave the compound was aggravating.

He was tired of flinching every time he saw his own reflection. And he had forgotten how much the humans who lived amongst them treated him differently without the implant to disguise him. It wasn’t fear, not even distrust, but it was _different_ and he hated it.

“Hey,” Ryan said, falling onto the couch next to him. “Did your doctors say anything else?”

Shane raised one shoulder in a listless shrug.

He could feel Ryan’s stare, but he didn’t look away from where he was glaring into nothing.

“Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but Gray abductees always have pretty traumatic memories-”

“This isn’t a damn conspiracy theory from a crackpot wearing a tinfoil hat,” Shane said, only his volume keeping it from being as angry as it could have been. “You don’t know anything about _aliens_, so stop trying to give me advice you learned from a Reddit conspiracy thread.”

Guilt swamped him as soon as he said it, but he refused to instantly apologize.

Ryan tasted like the mild rot of faint hurt, but it was mostly lemon curiosity and sweet concern. “I’m in an underground alien bunker where humans and aliens are working together in secret, so your argument is invalid, because that’s _at least_ a third of the conspiracies out there.”

Shane fought not to smile at that.

“Seriously.” Ryan placed his hand on top of Shane’s, where it had been resting on his thigh. “Are you okay? I’m here to help or listen. Or whatever you need.”

The warmth of Ryan’s skin bled into Shane’s and he held still like Ryan’s hand was a bird that would fly away at any quick movement. It wasn’t like Ryan was touching him any less than he had been. He had even kissed Shane the moment they had real privacy.

But Shane was all too aware of the minor pauses before each touch lately. The way Ryan took a breath before every hug, like he had to brace himself from cringing away. The way his eyes widened a fraction before each kiss, like he was still taken aback by the bumps on Shane’s head and his black eyes.

A sharp thread of vinegar hadn’t left the base flavor of Ryan’s emotions once. Shane had never known the man to be so constantly afraid, even if it was usually buried under excitement and interest.

Shane tried to be fair to Ryan when he noticed these things, since it had only been a day of Ryan knowing, but it hurt in ways he didn’t like contemplating. It was somehow a different pain from when Ryan had first discovered he was an alien. More layered. That Ryan had been angry at the lie but was now hesitant over his appearance was…

Well.

He didn’t want to think about it.

“They didn’t do anything that the doctors can find,” Shane eventually said, unable to take his eyes off Ryan’s hand. His lack of nails looked so _wrong_ when compared to Ryan’s blunt, ragged, chewed-on nails.

“Did they ever say why they took you and not me?”

_Because I represent technology that they don’t have. Because I’m an alien-human hybrid they’ve never seen before_.

_Because I’m different_.

_Because I’m_ unique.

Shane scowled, his annoyance at his thoughts making his tone more mocking than teasing. “Jealous, Bergara? You wanted to star in your own little abduction scenario?”

Ryan’s hurt swelled, but Shane refused to swallow it down. Taking his hand off of Shane’s thigh, Ryan said in an impressively steady voice, “You’re a dick. But I figure you’re allowed to be a dick for a little while.”

And then, doing it slow enough that Shane could have leaned away if he had wanted to, Ryan pulled Shane into a hug that was more awkward than comfortable, but Shane fell into it with an eagerness that surprised him.

He ignored the rot and the vinegar and focused on Ryan’s warmth and the sweetness of affection, allowing himself this moment of care.

Ryan’s fingers on his shoulder felt nothing like the half-remembered bony touch of the Grays.

“But you only get a couple of days of dickishness,” Ryan eventually murmured, making Shane scoff.

He straightened up from Ryan’s warmth, stretching his back from how cramped it felt. “I think I can guilt you into giving me far more than two days,” Shane said, pulling his fingers through his hair absently.

Ryan did something that was too controlled to be a flinch, but there was a noticeable movement as he leaned away from Shane’s elbow.

Shane couldn’t help the way he froze, then ungracefully tilted away from Ryan, hunching his shoulders. An apology was on his lips, but he didn’t bother to say anything. What was the point while he still looked like a bad caricature?

He was the one to full on flinch when Ryan sighed and pointedly scooted closer to him. “You gotta stop- Stop walking on eggshells around me. We already did that and then we fucked for like two weeks straight, we should be over it.”

All Shane could do was let out a thin, exasperated exhale.

“Shane,” Ryan whispered. “Come on, man, look at me, please.”

His fingers, warm and soft, gently cradled Shane’s jaw with a bare touch, directing him to look up. “Do you think I… Do you really think I’m afraid of you?”

Shane tilted his head towards Ryan but slanted his eyes away, unable to meet that gaze.”You’ve tasted like fear since- Since the Gray’s ship.” It was hard to say the words out loud. He hated how weak his voice sounded.

“You idiot,” Ryan said fondly, his thumb running across Shane’s cheek. “That’s still a creepy thing to say. And of course I’m afraid. I know those little assholes actually do take people now. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” He ducked his head, forcing Shane to meet his eyes. “Or what you look like.”

Shane swallowed and tried to bluster, “Hey, I didn’t say- Of course not, I’m rockin’ that 70s sci-fi look, why wouldn’t you love that?”

“Maybe I’ve secretly been into lobsters this whole time.”

Forgetting himself, Shane grinned, bubbling glee erupting in his chest. “Going to dip me in butter? Get those little tongs handy.”

Ryan laughed softly. “You really do look like a demon-” Shane couldn’t help the way his smile fell. “-So it’d probably be a lot of salt.” He paused, no doubt seeing the way Shane’s expression had changed, and added with a bite of daring, “Not gonna lie, the demon look is a little hot. Tiny bit.”

Shane snorted and gave in to an urge that had been steweing ever since Ryan had sat down next to him, and leaned the side of his head against Ryan’s. It was amazing that he had gone literal years without thinking about the gesture, but now it was a moment of comfort from his childhood that he craved near constantly. He wondered how long he could get away with doing it. Or if Ryan had already figured it out. There were a couple dozen of his people without holograms running around in the compound, Ryan was bound to have seen them interacting with each other.

“If you expect me to roleplay that scenario, I’m going to need at least two beers.”

“Only two?” Ryan asked. “You must really love me.” And then he pressed his head a little harder into Shane’s and that answered the question of whether or not Ryan had noticed.

“Your mom told me about the greeting thing, by the way.”

Nevermind, Ryan hadn’t noticed a thing.

“Thanks, mom,” Shane muttered.

“She said something about emotions and tasting them works better without hair in the way? And you stopped doing it when you were a kid? I don’t know.”

Bitterness dripped down Shane’s tongue and through his voice when he said with far more candor than he was comfortable with, “Yeah, stopped trying around the Earth equivalent of ten. I don’t get the effect that I’m supposed to. I can’t do most Theemin things correctly. Or human. Just a big ol’ ball of not quite right over here.” His own words echoed in his head, instant regret filling his whole body over sharing so much.

“Hey,” Ryan muttered, slipping his fingers up the back of Shane’s skull to tangle his fingers in the hair there. Shane followed the light tug until he met Ryan’s eyes. “Not to ruin your pity party, but, like, you’re not the only one in the world-uh-” Ryan made a face. “-The _universe_ that knows what it’s like to not be enough of either thing.”

Shane blinked at him slowly, feeling vague guilt start to rise.

“I mean-” Ryan sighed, reading his expression. A faint pepper flavor bit Shane’s tongue. “I mean that I kind of understand, okay?.”

Shane tried to look away, his mouth tensed together in a thin line, but the grip on his hair didn’t let him move. He had to watch and taste the way Ryan put on a happier demeanour. “Forget that. Shane, I would love you if you were bald, but, dude-” Ryan lowered his voice, though it gained in intensity when he said very seriously, “I am _very_ glad you have hair. And eyebrows. I can’t fucking tell what half the Theemins here-” He barely hesitated over the word and for some reason that fact made Shane’s heart do something warm and squiggly. “- are thinking.

“A glimpse into your future when you’ve finally scared off the rest of your eyebrows.” Shane felt so giddy at the jokes and the change of subject that it was impossible to stop his weak grin at Ryan’s affronted expression. Later he would second guess everything Ryan was saying. He would analyze his own guilt and lack of self-esteem late at night, when he couldn’t sleep. But for now he wanted nothing more than to take it all at face value.

Ryan’s mock-glare quickly fell into a soft smile as he studied Shane’s face. Herbal flavors tickled the roof of Shane’s mouth. “I don’t know how you manage to make completely black eyes look cute.”

“You’re such a bullshitter,” Shane said, sounding so fond that it should have been shameful.

That only got him a grin.

And a sudden lapful of Ryan.

“Hey there, little guy.” Shane stared up at Ryan, his hands automatically falling on Ryan’s hips. “Are you trying to get me in trouble in front of my people?”

Ryan smiled like he had a secret and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “I know this door locks. I asked.”

Heat crawled up Shane’s face, “You- What-”

Bursting into laughter, Ryan collapsed into him, burying his face into the crook of Shane’s neck. “Oh my God, the look on your face-”

“I’m done with you.”

“No you’re not,” Ryan said with supreme confidence. “Your mom likes me.”

“Oh, well, whatever Cher-ikk wants-”

Ryan settled back until he was barely perched on Shane’s lap, his eyes bright and his emotions sweet and hot and sharp. “About that alien language you’ve got going on-”

“Oh God,” Shane muttered, not bothering to hide his smile. “Take me back to the Grays.”

\-------------------

“Aliens.”

“Yes, darlin’?” Shane asked absently, smiling to himself when Ryan let out a quiet groan of annoyance that tasted particularly fond.

“Seriously, help me pick a topic. We’re over two months late with filming.”

Shane sat his laptop down on the coffee table, recognizing that particular brand of nervous energy that was tingeing Ryan’s emotions. It looked like he was going to have to take a break from catching up on some of the backlog of busywork he had missed. “Weren’t you on a conference call with Lim five minutes ago? How’d that go?”

Dropping onto the couch next to him, Ryan scared Obi away, who had finally gotten over his snit at being abandoned to Sara for so long. Shane let out a faint, “Aww,” as he watched his cat walk out of the room with an offended gait, but Ryan ignored him. Ryan and Obi were still pretending the other didn’t exist, which was amusing when Ryan tried to blame his occasional sneezing on the season.

Automatically leaning into Shane’s shoulder, Ryan tapped at something on his phone. “Really good. He said some stuff that got me thinking.”

“Hmm?”

“Later,” Ryan said, practically buzzing, which meant that whatever he was thinking about was big. “We have to finish out this season first. We should start with aliens.”

Shane had to admit that he was curious, but Ryan would tell him on his own time. There wasn’t much that Ryan tried to keep from him. Especially lately. It had its pros and its cons, but Shane mostly appreciated how Ryan was going full-tilt into their relationship.

The thought was made all the more embarrassingly poignant when Ryan dropped his hand down onto Shane’s for a quick touch, no hesitation when his fingers skimmed over the bright red skin of Shane’s wrist.

It was a new development to walk around his apartment without the hologram on, but Ryan had lovingly and stubbornly bullied him into ‘letting his hair down’ when in private. And while Ryan hadn’t been able to hide that a part of his interest was due to _interest_, most of it had been well-meaning, genuine concern. Shane had given in more out of his own desire to no longer flinch from his real appearance than because of Ryan’s arguments, but he let the guy take the win. He figured he owned Ryan that much.

Reflections still made him doubletake, but he was slowly getting used to it.

What he wasn’t getting used to was the constant nightmares and sleeplessness that plagued him. Ryan was probably the only thing keeping him on the level, which was ironic, since Ryan had spent just as many nights as him unable to sleep. Maybe it was the trauma shared. Shane didn’t have to say a word and Ryan knew what was keeping him awake.

Honestly, he figured he owed Ryan quite a bit. Which was why he had a plan for their next joint vacation and it wasn’t going to be anywhere on Earth.

“Trying to capitalize on the hype over Area 51?” Shane asked, leaning into Ryan to look at the man’s phone.

Ryan relaxed against him even as he started bouncing his leg. “Yeah.” He snorted. “Should we go? Storm the place?”

”I try to stay away from military establishments with not-so secret bunkers, thank you.” Shane gestured with his nail-less hand in emphasis.

“What, you don’t want to free your alien brethren?”

“Ryan, no,” Shane shook his head, smiling despite himself at the tingle of intentional goading on his tongue. “There are no aliens there.”

Stubborn onion joined the mix. “You can’t know that.”

This time Shane was the one to groan.

Ryan wiggled around until he was half on one knee, gaining enough height to lean over Shane. “I’ll make you admit-”

Shane stretched up to kiss Ryan, grinning against Ryan’s lips when he started grumbling. His complaints were quickly forgotten when Shane intentionally turned it into something a little filthier. He wasn’t interested in sex and wouldn’t be for another year, but he was not above playing dirty.

His wandering fingers brushed down Ryan’s shoulders, the back of his arm barely glancing against the corner of Ryan’s phone that was still held loosely and-

-_Shane was snoring again and for one second he wanted nothing more than to push the big idiot over so that he could get some sleep_.

_But as he sat up, he caught the shadowed glimpse of Shane’s face in profile from the light of his phone screen, slack in a rare show of relaxation. God, it had been so long since he had seen Shane sleep so soundly. Fuck those damn little bastards- no, don’t think about it anymore_-

_Shane made a stupidly cute snuffling noise and rolled more onto his side, automatically reaching for him and shit, how was it possible to love someone so much_?

Shane pulled his arm away, laughing at the offended look Ryan was giving him for having completely spaced out during making out. “Holy shit, Bergara, you’re such a sap.”

“Wha-” Understanding dawned and Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “What did you see?”

“You _love_ me,” Shane sang quietly, nudging his nose against Ryan’s. His own smug embarrassment mixed with Ryan’s, but Shane did nothing to swallow it away.

“I’m just using you and your inhumanly large head,” Ryan blatantly lied, his tone far too soft for the words. “Seriously, help me figure this out. Should we go with Area 51? Would that be too obvious? We still have the research already done for Rendlesham and Travis Walton’s abduction-”

“Way more people are going to recognize Area 51 than anything else.”

Ryan bit his lip, his gaze falling as he thought that over. “True, it’ll get us the clicks.”

And because Shane couldn’t help himself, he added, “And Travis is a nice guy, I don’t want to have to talk bad about him on camera.”

Ryan’s eyes went wide as he choked on an inhale.

“Yeah.” Shane fought to keep his face straight. “He’s real popular at those semi-annual meetings all us spacemen go to.”

“Jesus, I- Fuck, you-” Ryan spluttered, then he started laughing. “No, fuck you, you’re such an asshole-”

Caught mid-laugh, Shane could only fall into it when Ryan surged forward to kiss him, drinking in all of the flavors of enamored, giddy irritation and love.

Ryan’s hand was curved snug around his side. Exactly where Ryan knew his heart beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it exists!
> 
> A big thank you to all my readers and supporters. (Emilia, Levy, Jess, Amy, Spence- you are the wind beneath my space ship)
> 
> Thank you for your patience and for the kind messages. Stay safe out there, y'all <3
> 
> Gorgeous art through the links!
> 
> [A little trip back home](https://heavymetalmothman.tumblr.com/post/615055941262508032/my-people-dont-actually-do-the-whole-abduction) by [heavymetalmothman](https://heavymetalmothman.tumblr.com/). Thank you so much, it's so stunning!
> 
> And [this jaw-dropping cover](https://mephsation.tumblr.com/post/616406921199714304/i-am-so-blown-away-by-this-cover-that) by [soft-cryptids](https://soft-cryptids.tumblr.com/)! I can't thank you enough, I'm so proud to have it.


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